First of all, I just want to say: You love Tim Cross. I totally forgot about that guy, and that day I don't think I even thought about telling him I wasn't going to CC, there was no question. Remember a few weeks later in class when we were doing the Koran and he said he was getting funny looks for reading it in the subway? Anyway...
I find that it's harder to deal with the anniversary now that I'm not living in NY. I read an article the other day saying that after Sept. 11 (I've always hated all the terms that were created afterwards--"9/11," "Ground Zero") people struggled with ownership, like who actually was entitled to grieve most. So up here I do struggle with that very issue, on the non-5 year anniversaries (3rd and 4th) there was little to no coverage on TV in the morning, business as usual, whereas I knew if I was at home it would be on every channel, and you would feel it in the air. On the one hand it makes me so mad, I feel like no non-New Yorker knows what it was like to be in Manhattan that day, no one knows what it's like to have their home attacked, that everyone else's "never forgets" are empty, but then I also feel guilty, because do I really "own" the tragedy? No one I knew personally was hurt or killed that day. I know of people in my neighborhood who were, sure, but other than sadness due to the enormous destruction and loss of life it affected me because it's an area where I spent so much time during high school, because I have so many family/friends that live downtown. And I'm sure every American felt bad that day, so is it fair of me to hold it against them that they weren't in New York City that day, or from the city? No. Another thing that bothers me on this landmark anniversary is how much fucking up has gone on since 2001. That day the whole world was like "we love you America," do you remember? The US has squandered so much (all?) international goodwill since then. And "Ground Zero" remains what the great philosopher Lloyd once referred to as a "gaping hole of death" because all the competing interests can't get their shit together. Not to be melodramatic, but I honestly think of my life in terms of before and after that day, and I hate whenever the anniversary rolls around because it forces me to remember exactly where I was and how I felt that day and the peace of mind that was lost from 9/10/01. Although I will not and cannot help but "never forget," if only because I read the Daily News online every day and I seriously think a day hasn't gone by in the last 5 years where it has been written about. Is that only because it's a New York newspaper? I don't know. But I think about it everyday, and I'm not even desensitized by this point, the barrage of articles and pictures I've seen leading up to this anniversary are as upsetting as ever. Yet life goes on, I didn't think I was going to live until my next birthday and here we are 5 years later. Anyway, I just wanted to say my piece. To answer your initial question, I am not participating in any ceremony or 40-pouring (drinking, maybe), I will watch some of the ceremony if it's on TV up here like I try to do every year because I want to see home if I can't be there, and yes, it will cast a pall over my entire day. Too many reminders of sadness and death and fear. Looking forward to the 12th.
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I find that it's harder to deal with the anniversary now that I'm not living in NY. I read an article the other day saying that after Sept. 11 (I've always hated all the terms that were created afterwards--"9/11," "Ground Zero") people struggled with ownership, like who actually was entitled to grieve most. So up here I do struggle with that very issue, on the non-5 year anniversaries (3rd and 4th) there was little to no coverage on TV in the morning, business as usual, whereas I knew if I was at home it would be on every channel, and you would feel it in the air. On the one hand it makes me so mad, I feel like no non-New Yorker knows what it was like to be in Manhattan that day, no one knows what it's like to have their home attacked, that everyone else's "never forgets" are empty, but then I also feel guilty, because do I really "own" the tragedy? No one I knew personally was hurt or killed that day. I know of people in my neighborhood who were, sure, but other than sadness due to the enormous destruction and loss of life it affected me because it's an area where I spent so much time during high school, because I have so many family/friends that live downtown. And I'm sure every American felt bad that day, so is it fair of me to hold it against them that they weren't in New York City that day, or from the city? No.
Another thing that bothers me on this landmark anniversary is how much fucking up has gone on since 2001. That day the whole world was like "we love you America," do you remember? The US has squandered so much (all?) international goodwill since then. And "Ground Zero" remains what the great philosopher Lloyd once referred to as a "gaping hole of death" because all the competing interests can't get their shit together.
Not to be melodramatic, but I honestly think of my life in terms of before and after that day, and I hate whenever the anniversary rolls around because it forces me to remember exactly where I was and how I felt that day and the peace of mind that was lost from 9/10/01. Although I will not and cannot help but "never forget," if only because I read the Daily News online every day and I seriously think a day hasn't gone by in the last 5 years where it has been written about. Is that only because it's a New York newspaper? I don't know. But I think about it everyday, and I'm not even desensitized by this point, the barrage of articles and pictures I've seen leading up to this anniversary are as upsetting as ever. Yet life goes on, I didn't think I was going to live until my next birthday and here we are 5 years later.
Anyway, I just wanted to say my piece. To answer your initial question, I am not participating in any ceremony or 40-pouring (drinking, maybe), I will watch some of the ceremony if it's on TV up here like I try to do every year because I want to see home if I can't be there, and yes, it will cast a pall over my entire day. Too many reminders of sadness and death and fear. Looking forward to the 12th.
--Liz M.