![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
I was meant to update as to what happened Tuesday, which really was a lot of fun, but I feel the need to update on current events at the moment and use happier times when I need most desperately to cheer myself up.
I hate it here.
Wow, that was easier than I thought. For the most part, I'm finding this culture shock next to nothing in terms of the irritation I have with being stuck with certain groups of Americans. I really, really hate where I'm living. I hate that there's no way to see people without a 20 minute tram or 40 minute walk. I hate that I have nothing to talk to the people here about. I'm pessimistic, yes, and I'm frankly quite fucking tired of trying to be friends with people.
This has been touched off by a letter sent to us by the Butler University people about "Common Situations" and how to avoid them. Among these are "Letting your living situation rule your life" and "Preoccupation with home" as well as "lethargy." Apparently all the things I enjoy doing are wrong, and I'm not supposed to be doing them. So, hating on Unilodge--well I should apparently just get over it. "You are responsible for your own happiness while you are here. It is a challenge to make new friends and it takeds repeated concentrated effort." No shit, sherlock, not that it fucking has done shit. I try. I DO try. I signed up for karate, met some people I can chat with there, talk with the Americans in my classes, I went to the Fantasy and Sci-Fi club, I'm doing scuba this weekend.
All for naught. I see these people once a week, in class, in clubs, wherever. We chit-chat, but most of the time you're working on the matter at hand, school work or karate or card games, and there's no way to relate. I mean, I chatted with Lucinda from writing, who was lovely and mentioned a radio program I might like, which was nice. Then she went home. End of Wednesday. I talked and walked with Mytoan from karate on Monday, exchanged numbers, but that was it. This weekend is scuba. I'm hoping that an enforced situation with 3-4 people at most will lead to something--anything. I even spent time with video gamers for class, they were amusing enough, two blokes who reminded me almost of Jordan and David even though they were playing shooters instead of Virtua Tennis.
But this is getting ridiculous. It's hard to make Aussie friends because they all go home at night to suburbs and I'm not in a college. I'm not supposed to be spending time writing postcards or updating this journal. So, instead, I'm just continually going out there, trying something else, getting nowhere nearer to a support network, getting more and more frustrated with these bulletins that say it's my fault. I'm beginning to think being a recluse would suit me just fine because I'm just fucking tried of saying "i'm from NY, I study this, etc etc" every time because I never talk to or get to spend much more than "hi, how are you? how was your last class?" with people.
Fuck. Now I have to go out because I paid for this boat cruise a few weeks ago. It's run by the Study Abroad/Exchange Student Club (one of them anyway--they seem to care sooooo much, it just *must* be my fault I'm bored as shit and have no one to relate to), and it's a cruise on the Yarra. Free booze, snacks, dunno what else, don't really care. Am trying, really really trying to be upbeat, thinking about running into folks I've chatted with who WERE NOT Justin, the Mouth, and more of Alicyn's American All Stars (They're not mean, they're just not my people, does that make sense? I do hate Michelle for reasons of her being more annoying than worth knowing, but she's rather the exception). But, in the end, am expecting there to be a long night ahead of me. Maybe it's just because I'm not a big partier. I last 4 hours at my very longest, 2-3 at my best. I just don't have the stamina to pretend to have anything interesting to share for longer than that.
Sigh. I hate this. I hate this place, I wish I'd never come. No, no, that's 'depression' talking, according to my bulletin. I don't wish I'd never come, I've wanted to come to Australia forever and a day. I want to just vacation all over the goddamned country with a friend or three, see it and then see it from the plane. Why I felt like torturing myself with the equivalent of a semester Freshman Orientation is beyond me--seriously, this is the wrong semester to have come, seeing as the actual 'newbie' welcome stuff is over and done with a long time ago.
I'm about to run out now so I can head out with a group to the boat that isn't with Michelle, et al. Growl, trying to cheer up, trying to think positive. Trying, trying, feeling tried...
I hate it here.
Wow, that was easier than I thought. For the most part, I'm finding this culture shock next to nothing in terms of the irritation I have with being stuck with certain groups of Americans. I really, really hate where I'm living. I hate that there's no way to see people without a 20 minute tram or 40 minute walk. I hate that I have nothing to talk to the people here about. I'm pessimistic, yes, and I'm frankly quite fucking tired of trying to be friends with people.
This has been touched off by a letter sent to us by the Butler University people about "Common Situations" and how to avoid them. Among these are "Letting your living situation rule your life" and "Preoccupation with home" as well as "lethargy." Apparently all the things I enjoy doing are wrong, and I'm not supposed to be doing them. So, hating on Unilodge--well I should apparently just get over it. "You are responsible for your own happiness while you are here. It is a challenge to make new friends and it takeds repeated concentrated effort." No shit, sherlock, not that it fucking has done shit. I try. I DO try. I signed up for karate, met some people I can chat with there, talk with the Americans in my classes, I went to the Fantasy and Sci-Fi club, I'm doing scuba this weekend.
All for naught. I see these people once a week, in class, in clubs, wherever. We chit-chat, but most of the time you're working on the matter at hand, school work or karate or card games, and there's no way to relate. I mean, I chatted with Lucinda from writing, who was lovely and mentioned a radio program I might like, which was nice. Then she went home. End of Wednesday. I talked and walked with Mytoan from karate on Monday, exchanged numbers, but that was it. This weekend is scuba. I'm hoping that an enforced situation with 3-4 people at most will lead to something--anything. I even spent time with video gamers for class, they were amusing enough, two blokes who reminded me almost of Jordan and David even though they were playing shooters instead of Virtua Tennis.
But this is getting ridiculous. It's hard to make Aussie friends because they all go home at night to suburbs and I'm not in a college. I'm not supposed to be spending time writing postcards or updating this journal. So, instead, I'm just continually going out there, trying something else, getting nowhere nearer to a support network, getting more and more frustrated with these bulletins that say it's my fault. I'm beginning to think being a recluse would suit me just fine because I'm just fucking tried of saying "i'm from NY, I study this, etc etc" every time because I never talk to or get to spend much more than "hi, how are you? how was your last class?" with people.
Fuck. Now I have to go out because I paid for this boat cruise a few weeks ago. It's run by the Study Abroad/Exchange Student Club (one of them anyway--they seem to care sooooo much, it just *must* be my fault I'm bored as shit and have no one to relate to), and it's a cruise on the Yarra. Free booze, snacks, dunno what else, don't really care. Am trying, really really trying to be upbeat, thinking about running into folks I've chatted with who WERE NOT Justin, the Mouth, and more of Alicyn's American All Stars (They're not mean, they're just not my people, does that make sense? I do hate Michelle for reasons of her being more annoying than worth knowing, but she's rather the exception). But, in the end, am expecting there to be a long night ahead of me. Maybe it's just because I'm not a big partier. I last 4 hours at my very longest, 2-3 at my best. I just don't have the stamina to pretend to have anything interesting to share for longer than that.
Sigh. I hate this. I hate this place, I wish I'd never come. No, no, that's 'depression' talking, according to my bulletin. I don't wish I'd never come, I've wanted to come to Australia forever and a day. I want to just vacation all over the goddamned country with a friend or three, see it and then see it from the plane. Why I felt like torturing myself with the equivalent of a semester Freshman Orientation is beyond me--seriously, this is the wrong semester to have come, seeing as the actual 'newbie' welcome stuff is over and done with a long time ago.
I'm about to run out now so I can head out with a group to the boat that isn't with Michelle, et al. Growl, trying to cheer up, trying to think positive. Trying, trying, feeling tried...
