Disney Entry Mark 1

My sister's cheerleading team didn't do as well as they'd hoped, and that was disappointing, but I think the trip to Disney was a fun one for them overall. Disney has a (deservedly) bad rap about a lot of things, but I don't fault them on their efficienct, efficacious way of managing a hoarde of teenagers and the entourage about them. Everything was much smoother this year, which is always appreciated given the hectic nature of the time spent down there.

Preliminary report on Disney World:

1) There's something either delightfully innocent or darkly perverted about the Jungle Safari ride. Either the creators didn't realize in 19-whenever that having a rhino shove its horn up a man's butt was sodomy, or they did and left it on a children's ride anyway.

2) Art imitating "life" imitating art imitating "life." The Pirates of the Caribbean ride, originally based on a movie (or so I thought--can't find the thing online), was turned into a movie and now the ride reflects the movie...based on the ride that was based on a movie. The changes aren't substantial, though Johnny Depp is welcome to sing anything he likes at me whenever he choses.

3) EPCOT is possibly the saddest thing in the world. MGM Studios has exactly two rides worth your time, and it isn't as sadly pathetic as the once and future Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow (and yes, I remembered that name all on my own).

4) Fun fact: Disney does not sell alcohol paraphernalia. I bought a shotglass and the nice guy who rang it up informed me that it was actually a "toothpick holder." Scan the Mickey-ears etched maragarita glass through and it comes up as a "tumbler."

5) Wait, no, really, did they know about that rhino thing?

More to come!

Disney Mark 2

More Disney World tidbits! Feel free to contribute your own observations if you've been recently, too!
( Disney rides both fun and awful. Hilarity within. )

Just a bit of summary there. I really had a great time overall, even though I was bone-tired every day when we were done at the park. My poor 84-year-old grandmother and mother kept up with me for two days, though the second of those was a tamer one spent mostly sitting in rides at EPCOT.

( Did I mention EPCOT is a little sad place these days? )

Oh, and before I forget? THE AMERICAN SHOWCASE AT EPCOT BLOWS DONKEYS. Further proof that, in the USA, nationalism is what happens to other countries but patriotism begins at home, the half-hour animatronics show narrated by Ben Franklin and Sam Clemens (noticeably absent: any mention of Franklin's pathological addiction to women) was painful above all else. I wanted to poke my brain out my ears so it wouldn't have to suffer this crap. My grandmother, of course, got teary-eyed. She eats that stuff up.

To the show's credit, it never tried to rape the old lies about the first Thanksgiving, but it sure did gloss over the nastier side of the immigrant experience and the most that indigenous peoples got was a quote from Chief Joseph talking about how really shitty the USA was from his point of view (he ain't just whistling Dixie, but the quote came as an abrupt stop to the show then he disappeared and there was hardly a "Oopsie" on the part of any of the other dummies thereafter, making it seem like the rudeness was on his part for interrupting the "YAY WHITE PEOPLE!" parade).

Speaking of "We love Whitey!" the Civil War discussion predictably focused on slavery as the main at-odds issue, but the hilariously awful bit was there were almost no black animatronic people in the whole thing and none during the Civil War bit. Instead, the focus was on two brothers who went to war for different sides and how the stupid racist pig Reb got killed and the virtuous, wonderful Union guy did not, but isn't it awful about what War will do to families of white people? Shocking! Meanwhile, Frederick Douglas got to ride a swamp boat. Fan-fucking-tastic.

It sounds like I didn't have fun. I did, really, it's just that the fun stuffs weren't worth blogging about as they seem like I am bragging--ha ha, I went to the bestest rollercoaster ever!--versus how much fun I have agonizing over the rest.