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trinityvixenI was literally this close to tears this morning.
Yesterday, at Pandagon, there was this truly reprehensible article about this guy who argued that a feminist really wants to be dominated (because every woman secretly wants that, dontcha know?). I won't accuse a single guy I know of thinking anything like this asshole because it's clear that he's an asshole and there's nothing to like about anything he says. Do I, a feminist, want an equally strong, strongly-expressive partner? Absolutely! Do I want a man who will ignore me when I whine, dominate me in all physical relations, and have to be the boss? FUCK NO. The whole feminist thing? It's about equality. It's about getting respect for my strength and understanding that I will, willfully and equally, respect my partner's strength in turn. I am up for the throw-down, knock-around stuff. Know what will make that even hotter? If my partner let's me do the throwing. There's nothing like a little submission. Oppressive male ASSHATS like this wanker ought to understand that much. What he doesn't understand, clearly, is that it isn't supposed to be that way--a struggle for dominance--all the time in a happy, healthy marriage.
Then there was this article written by his decidedly unhappy wife. Despite all his protestations that his sexual abuse of her was perpetrated on a willing partner (who he declared to be a brash, ballsy feminist), his wife is an emotional wreck, and her column made my heart sink and burn for her. I had thought it was possible that his article was just boasting. Think of the stereotypical black male, who talks about booty and hos until his girlfriend gets home and then he's a henpecked ninny. That's what I assumed his article was coming from. Turns out his emotional abuse is ten times worse than the overt sexual abuse he wrote about with such pride. Real man, my ass.
But read her column. It's devastating. And it reaffirms my opinion that the attempt to force young people to hold out for marriage as the be-all, end-all for humans as sexual creatures is a horrible thing, not least of which because the burden of ensuring marriage retains some unimpeachable spit-polish of perfection falls unfailingly on the shoulders of women. Marriage is not the answer. Respect is. Confidence is. Given that this is what becomes of women who were pressured all their lives to fall into marriage because their lives were incomplete without it, I'd sooner die an old maid. I have siblings, they're having or will have babies. I can be the Crazy Cat-Lady Aunt TV, and I bet my life would be more satisfying than anything I could have if I were as desperate as this poor woman.
I hope she divorces his ass, but the saddest feeling I had this morning was from knowing she probably never will.
Yesterday, at Pandagon, there was this truly reprehensible article about this guy who argued that a feminist really wants to be dominated (because every woman secretly wants that, dontcha know?). I won't accuse a single guy I know of thinking anything like this asshole because it's clear that he's an asshole and there's nothing to like about anything he says. Do I, a feminist, want an equally strong, strongly-expressive partner? Absolutely! Do I want a man who will ignore me when I whine, dominate me in all physical relations, and have to be the boss? FUCK NO. The whole feminist thing? It's about equality. It's about getting respect for my strength and understanding that I will, willfully and equally, respect my partner's strength in turn. I am up for the throw-down, knock-around stuff. Know what will make that even hotter? If my partner let's me do the throwing. There's nothing like a little submission. Oppressive male ASSHATS like this wanker ought to understand that much. What he doesn't understand, clearly, is that it isn't supposed to be that way--a struggle for dominance--all the time in a happy, healthy marriage.
Then there was this article written by his decidedly unhappy wife. Despite all his protestations that his sexual abuse of her was perpetrated on a willing partner (who he declared to be a brash, ballsy feminist), his wife is an emotional wreck, and her column made my heart sink and burn for her. I had thought it was possible that his article was just boasting. Think of the stereotypical black male, who talks about booty and hos until his girlfriend gets home and then he's a henpecked ninny. That's what I assumed his article was coming from. Turns out his emotional abuse is ten times worse than the overt sexual abuse he wrote about with such pride. Real man, my ass.
But read her column. It's devastating. And it reaffirms my opinion that the attempt to force young people to hold out for marriage as the be-all, end-all for humans as sexual creatures is a horrible thing, not least of which because the burden of ensuring marriage retains some unimpeachable spit-polish of perfection falls unfailingly on the shoulders of women. Marriage is not the answer. Respect is. Confidence is. Given that this is what becomes of women who were pressured all their lives to fall into marriage because their lives were incomplete without it, I'd sooner die an old maid. I have siblings, they're having or will have babies. I can be the Crazy Cat-Lady Aunt TV, and I bet my life would be more satisfying than anything I could have if I were as desperate as this poor woman.
I hope she divorces his ass, but the saddest feeling I had this morning was from knowing she probably never will.
