trinityvixen (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
trinityvixen) wrote2007-02-28 04:21 pm
trinityvixen) wrote2007-02-28 04:21 pm
Five Things Meme #3
These would be for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
edgehopper:
Five Ways Bender Could Destory All Humans...Except for Fry
Disease! Their secret weakness!
“I don’t understand,” the President of Earth gasped, dying in his little fish bowl tank. “Why would you spread terrible disease all over the planet?”
“Hey, that guy sprayed me with bug juice first,” Bender said, pointing a finger at the alien waving sheepishly at them both. “How’s it my fault I don’t have organs that can die from that stuff?”
“You spit it into the reservoir!”
“Sign said ‘No Spitting.’ You tell me, who was in the wrong here: me or the sign?”
“But everyone on Earth will die!”
“Not my problem. The people who keep me in gambling money aren’t back from Pluto yet.”
“But they’re going to die!”
“I’ll worry about that when it’s game time. Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”
Curiosity
“Hey, what’s this button do?”
Oxygen? Pffft.
“We’re gonna need someone to make my alcohol,” Bender commanded.
“That’s what liquor-bots are for,” Fry said, shrugging. “They have those, right?”
“Probably.” He flicked the ash off of his cigar. “How long you got, meat-bag?”
“I’ve got enough Slurm in me to outlast the Blanket Apocalypse a good five years,” Fry said proudly.
“Let’s do this.” Bender threw the switch and smothered the Earth.
Death from above!
Leela stomped her heavily booted foot. “Bender, just because you’re God doesn’t mean you can just kill all humans.”
“Why not? They’re just a bunch of annoying parasites. And I thought you hated them, too, ‘cause you’re a sewer mutant or something.”
Leela considered this. “Well, I guess it will be less embarrassing to be seen with my parents.” She twirled the end of her ponytail around one finger. “But how come Fry gets to live?”
“Simple,” Fry said, “I owe him rent money.”
Killing 'em's easy; keeping 'em that way is hard
“Hey, remember that time I killed all the humans?”
“Bender, that was last week. And they all just rebooted when you did.”
“Yeah, but,” Bender pouted, “but they knew I killed ‘em, right?”
“Oh yeah,” Fry agreed. “You killed them all right. They were all dead for like twenty minutes.”
Bender kicked the corner of a building, which flashed green and black code and then went back to being brick.
“Stupid First Law of Robotics. Stupid electronic conscience.”
“Yep.”
Five Ways Professor Farnsworth Could Destroy the Universe
By taking responsibility!
Now that Armageddon was upon them, the Professor could admit that maybe creating a device to make everyone take responsibility for their actions instead of shifting the blame onto clueless scapegoats wasn’t the best invention for ensuring the stability of the Earthican Government or any political body in the cosmos.
Oh well. Back to the old subatomic drawing board. If they had those things in Hell.
With the power of his mind!
He’d tackled all the stupid, every-day paradoxes—faster than light travel, genetic destiny, time distortion, alternate universe creation and destruction—so he thought throwing his hand into psionics couldn’t hurt.
The entire universe becoming aware of the thoughts of every other being at once only destroyed the heads of most sentient beings. The rest held their breath and lived in fear of the day one of them would slip up, fall asleep, and dream loud enough to kill off the survivors.
Stubborn to the very end!
“No,” he put his slippered foot down. “I refuse to get younger!”
Exasperated, Leela tried to explain to him again. “But you’re not getting any younger, Professor. That’s just it—you’re getting older all the time!”
“The hell I will!”
He hit the stasis field button and the universe didn’t move again for a very long time.
If the duplicate isn't evil, then it must be you!
“So, what you’re saying is that there is no way out of this nightmare of always having to repair the universe unless I break it first?”
The other Professor nodded.
“And you’re sure you’re not my evil duplicate?”
“Have you ever met an evil duplicate from another universe?”
“Not yet!” Farnsworth stamped his foot. “Darn my cursedly uncursed luck.”
It's a mystery!
The next universe over couldn’t understand it. Where a parallel universe should have been was only a big bunch of nothing. And not the normal, every-day nothing that was the void between universes. That, at least, was something they were used to. It was like coming to the crowded parking lot and finding just the one spot empty—the one where you’d have sworn that guy you didn’t really know but waved to at work had parked only that morning. Some days, you couldn’t stop running into that guy, and you just kept smiling or nodding at him just hoping he would go away. And you just knew he was doing the same thing. You couldn’t help rubbing elbows here and there. Doesn’t mean you had to be friends, but you noticed when you stop doing it.
It was resolved that they would ask the survivors what had happened to their universe. As there were no survivors, the matter was dropped.
edgehopper:Five Ways Bender Could Destory All Humans...Except for Fry
Disease! Their secret weakness!
“I don’t understand,” the President of Earth gasped, dying in his little fish bowl tank. “Why would you spread terrible disease all over the planet?”
“Hey, that guy sprayed me with bug juice first,” Bender said, pointing a finger at the alien waving sheepishly at them both. “How’s it my fault I don’t have organs that can die from that stuff?”
“You spit it into the reservoir!”
“Sign said ‘No Spitting.’ You tell me, who was in the wrong here: me or the sign?”
“But everyone on Earth will die!”
“Not my problem. The people who keep me in gambling money aren’t back from Pluto yet.”
“But they’re going to die!”
“I’ll worry about that when it’s game time. Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”
Curiosity
“Hey, what’s this button do?”
Oxygen? Pffft.
“We’re gonna need someone to make my alcohol,” Bender commanded.
“That’s what liquor-bots are for,” Fry said, shrugging. “They have those, right?”
“Probably.” He flicked the ash off of his cigar. “How long you got, meat-bag?”
“I’ve got enough Slurm in me to outlast the Blanket Apocalypse a good five years,” Fry said proudly.
“Let’s do this.” Bender threw the switch and smothered the Earth.
Death from above!
Leela stomped her heavily booted foot. “Bender, just because you’re God doesn’t mean you can just kill all humans.”
“Why not? They’re just a bunch of annoying parasites. And I thought you hated them, too, ‘cause you’re a sewer mutant or something.”
Leela considered this. “Well, I guess it will be less embarrassing to be seen with my parents.” She twirled the end of her ponytail around one finger. “But how come Fry gets to live?”
“Simple,” Fry said, “I owe him rent money.”
Killing 'em's easy; keeping 'em that way is hard
“Hey, remember that time I killed all the humans?”
“Bender, that was last week. And they all just rebooted when you did.”
“Yeah, but,” Bender pouted, “but they knew I killed ‘em, right?”
“Oh yeah,” Fry agreed. “You killed them all right. They were all dead for like twenty minutes.”
Bender kicked the corner of a building, which flashed green and black code and then went back to being brick.
“Stupid First Law of Robotics. Stupid electronic conscience.”
“Yep.”
Five Ways Professor Farnsworth Could Destroy the Universe
By taking responsibility!
Now that Armageddon was upon them, the Professor could admit that maybe creating a device to make everyone take responsibility for their actions instead of shifting the blame onto clueless scapegoats wasn’t the best invention for ensuring the stability of the Earthican Government or any political body in the cosmos.
Oh well. Back to the old subatomic drawing board. If they had those things in Hell.
With the power of his mind!
He’d tackled all the stupid, every-day paradoxes—faster than light travel, genetic destiny, time distortion, alternate universe creation and destruction—so he thought throwing his hand into psionics couldn’t hurt.
The entire universe becoming aware of the thoughts of every other being at once only destroyed the heads of most sentient beings. The rest held their breath and lived in fear of the day one of them would slip up, fall asleep, and dream loud enough to kill off the survivors.
Stubborn to the very end!
“No,” he put his slippered foot down. “I refuse to get younger!”
Exasperated, Leela tried to explain to him again. “But you’re not getting any younger, Professor. That’s just it—you’re getting older all the time!”
“The hell I will!”
He hit the stasis field button and the universe didn’t move again for a very long time.
If the duplicate isn't evil, then it must be you!
“So, what you’re saying is that there is no way out of this nightmare of always having to repair the universe unless I break it first?”
The other Professor nodded.
“And you’re sure you’re not my evil duplicate?”
“Have you ever met an evil duplicate from another universe?”
“Not yet!” Farnsworth stamped his foot. “Darn my cursedly uncursed luck.”
It's a mystery!
The next universe over couldn’t understand it. Where a parallel universe should have been was only a big bunch of nothing. And not the normal, every-day nothing that was the void between universes. That, at least, was something they were used to. It was like coming to the crowded parking lot and finding just the one spot empty—the one where you’d have sworn that guy you didn’t really know but waved to at work had parked only that morning. Some days, you couldn’t stop running into that guy, and you just kept smiling or nodding at him just hoping he would go away. And you just knew he was doing the same thing. You couldn’t help rubbing elbows here and there. Doesn’t mean you had to be friends, but you noticed when you stop doing it.
It was resolved that they would ask the survivors what had happened to their universe. As there were no survivors, the matter was dropped.