There's a very real loss that comes with a known miscarriage of any kind, whether it is natural or induced. It's just, as my mom's friend told her, a shit situation. End of story.
However, I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone weighs the loss of a few cells against watching tiny, unformed babies die in an incubator, and decides the former is more unbearable. It has almost nothing to do with that insanity of needing your own biological babies. You'd have those regardless of the decision to reduce with this group. It has everything to do with a blatant disregard for trauma--to the woman carrying the babies (multiple births are dangerous and to the babies that will never be.
The issue of biological identity is an issue that could be worked on with better acceptance of non-straight, non-nuclear families. More acknowledgment of atypical families could really stress the idea that family is where you find love and care, end of story. Once we get away from the idea that genetic love is destiny and anything else is a poor approximation, I would hope this nonsense would die off.
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Date: 2009-10-13 02:51 pm (UTC)However, I cannot for the life of me figure out why anyone weighs the loss of a few cells against watching tiny, unformed babies die in an incubator, and decides the former is more unbearable. It has almost nothing to do with that insanity of needing your own biological babies. You'd have those regardless of the decision to reduce with this group. It has everything to do with a blatant disregard for trauma--to the woman carrying the babies (multiple births are dangerous and to the babies that will never be.
The issue of biological identity is an issue that could be worked on with better acceptance of non-straight, non-nuclear families. More acknowledgment of atypical families could really stress the idea that family is where you find love and care, end of story. Once we get away from the idea that genetic love is destiny and anything else is a poor approximation, I would hope this nonsense would die off.