God Bless You, SomethingAwful
Feb. 2nd, 2005 11:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityvixenYesterday, I nearly cracked up at work over the Tuesday Goldmine for this week (for you techno-geeks, you'll love this premise: "Features We Wished Windows Had"), then I caught this incredibly funny article for today about the director of Alone in the Dark. I've never played the game, though I almost picked up a copy of one of the sequels or the remake or whatever in a store once because it looked decent. The reviews for the film version are not only universally panning the movie, they're all kept so short it's as if the critic couldn't stomach writing any more than a couple of paragraphs. I sympathize--I wouldn't want to write more than a couple of paragraphs about Tara Reid either.
So, SA's article is about the scriptwriters who originally came in, what ideas they had for the movie, and how the director, Uwe Boll came along and told them how he wanted the movie to be instead. I would like to remind the vast majority of those of you who don't give a fuck, but Uwe Boll was the man responsible for the suck-fest that was House of the Dead the movie. The man had a relatively simple task--make a B-movie knock off of a shoot-em up game with zombies weilding chainsaws and axes in a giant fucking house, tossed together with some bad line delivery, and voila, a perfect complement to the game (you'd think, as he is German, the director could manage the bad voiceover-acting). Somehow, this didn't translate as the 'house' part of House of the Dead didn't really show up until the end.
Now, this suckhole has gotten his hands on Alone in the Dark and ruined it, and he's moving onto, you guessed it, more video game movies. Apparently, he's directing the Bloodrayne movie--should be interesting--among others, but none that I can tell straight off aren't video game movies. Hell, if he wants to make such bad movies, he should pick more classically bad games. House of the Dead is a GREAT game, and people seem pretty p-o'd about what's happened to Alone in the Dark, and Bloodrayne's not bad, just kinda, well, okay, it's not great, but it looks good. Anyway, check out the SA feature article here and amuse yourselves as it has amused me.
So, SA's article is about the scriptwriters who originally came in, what ideas they had for the movie, and how the director, Uwe Boll came along and told them how he wanted the movie to be instead. I would like to remind the vast majority of those of you who don't give a fuck, but Uwe Boll was the man responsible for the suck-fest that was House of the Dead the movie. The man had a relatively simple task--make a B-movie knock off of a shoot-em up game with zombies weilding chainsaws and axes in a giant fucking house, tossed together with some bad line delivery, and voila, a perfect complement to the game (you'd think, as he is German, the director could manage the bad voiceover-acting). Somehow, this didn't translate as the 'house' part of House of the Dead didn't really show up until the end.
Now, this suckhole has gotten his hands on Alone in the Dark and ruined it, and he's moving onto, you guessed it, more video game movies. Apparently, he's directing the Bloodrayne movie--should be interesting--among others, but none that I can tell straight off aren't video game movies. Hell, if he wants to make such bad movies, he should pick more classically bad games. House of the Dead is a GREAT game, and people seem pretty p-o'd about what's happened to Alone in the Dark, and Bloodrayne's not bad, just kinda, well, okay, it's not great, but it looks good. Anyway, check out the SA feature article here and amuse yourselves as it has amused me.
