![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityvixenDamn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!!!!
I study in my room. This is a fact of life for me. I need a door I can shut, music I can blast, and just be in my place, working. This is apparently not an option here. Alicyn's going in for surgery because of a cyst/tumor-like thingy on her ovary that's been making her sick. I feel terrible, I really do, and I am glad people care about her (you can be damned sure that unless I died and left a smelly corpse, no one here would care if I had a tumor or needed to be picked up from the hospital--no, not bitter at all), but man, this is IT!
I have an extension on my paper, which is good. PEOPLE IN UNILODGE ARE BEING NOISY AS HELL---which is most definitely not. Justin's here talking up Alicyn, and I'm stuck. I've got to write. I've got to get this paper done. I'm a heartbeat from going to bed now and waking up at 2:30 am in order to have peace. Alicyn is nice, I don't mind chatting with her, but seriously, I need to be away. There's no 24-hour library, just a computer lab. A walk up to uni would cost me an hour (round trip) and the library would be closed by 11 or the Union by 11:30. So I'd get all of two hours in. I need peace and fucking quiet!!! I'm thinking I could go to e:fifty-five (a bar, a friggin BAR) and get this done faster.
Part of me is aggravated by this noise and people running around laughing (I can identify the voices, none of whom gives two shits about me or really Alicyn either--her people are on the 10th floor), part of me is fucking jealous. I got invited out by David and Amy and co, but I had to turn down because I must get this paper done. I'm also friggin' paranoid. I'd rather people didn't think of me as a friendless hanger-on (which is what I basically am here and I hate it), so I try to be social, but can't, thus paranoia. I don't want to appear as I feel I do. Shit. I can't stand this. I'd prefer an aura of mystery, to be anywhere else. 24 hour McDonald's! I could get my paper done there! Why the hell isn't there a 24-hour library at this school? There are 36,000 people! 36,000!!!
Fuck fuck fuck, damn it!!! It doesn't help that I only barely have anything for this paper in the first place, shit shit shit. GROWL, MAKE THEM FUCKING STOP BEING SO NOISY!!!! GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY!!!! Great, Alicyn and Justin walked out, with another of those "bye loser-type roomie of Alicyn" goodbyes--a courtesy, nothing more. I guess I could try the lobby, if only I could be sure not to run into that stupid fat-ass security guard and if it had the internet. That's it, I'm going to bed, or something. I'll stay up all night, fuck it all. I'm madder than hell right now. I hate each and everyone of those people--I hear Ted, Tai, Hill, Lindsey, Steve, all the people on this floor, all the people I've not really exchanged two words with since way back before the boat cruise (or, well, mostly since the boat cruise). FUCK! SHUT UP!!!!
I'm never going to get this done :(
I can't get away. When I'm lonely and friendless, no one's around. When I need people to disappear and ignore me, to be gone off having fun without me as they do every other night of the week, they can't get enough of being assholes in Unilodge. There's just no justice here. I'm ready to blow off work for a couple of months now, the second I have to work, people suddenly appear. I'm mad mad mad. I blew off the Clyde so I could get this done, now I'm not, and if I don't get it done now, I'll have blown off the Clyde for nothing (no point in going now, there's no more specials and people would be leaving) and I'll miss out on tomorrow's events.
ARRRRRRGH!!!! SHUT YOUR GODDAMNED HOLES!!!!
*rants, clenches fists, grinds teeth*
Life sucks here. It fucking sucks. I was on a high today, too, had a chat with Beth, got an extension (so now the paper I need to write is not late with penalty), got into a short TPB about Death. Now it's grindstone time and I want to punch the lights out of everyone--especially Tai. Her voice is cutting through me through my door! She's such a hoochie mama, too, and I make no reservations when I say that--no 'i dislike this about her but she's nice'--she's basically just a ho. And now i'm ranting about people I've never mentioned before, so it's time to stop and get some sleep or work. Fuck.
I study in my room. This is a fact of life for me. I need a door I can shut, music I can blast, and just be in my place, working. This is apparently not an option here. Alicyn's going in for surgery because of a cyst/tumor-like thingy on her ovary that's been making her sick. I feel terrible, I really do, and I am glad people care about her (you can be damned sure that unless I died and left a smelly corpse, no one here would care if I had a tumor or needed to be picked up from the hospital--no, not bitter at all), but man, this is IT!
I have an extension on my paper, which is good. PEOPLE IN UNILODGE ARE BEING NOISY AS HELL---which is most definitely not. Justin's here talking up Alicyn, and I'm stuck. I've got to write. I've got to get this paper done. I'm a heartbeat from going to bed now and waking up at 2:30 am in order to have peace. Alicyn is nice, I don't mind chatting with her, but seriously, I need to be away. There's no 24-hour library, just a computer lab. A walk up to uni would cost me an hour (round trip) and the library would be closed by 11 or the Union by 11:30. So I'd get all of two hours in. I need peace and fucking quiet!!! I'm thinking I could go to e:fifty-five (a bar, a friggin BAR) and get this done faster.
Part of me is aggravated by this noise and people running around laughing (I can identify the voices, none of whom gives two shits about me or really Alicyn either--her people are on the 10th floor), part of me is fucking jealous. I got invited out by David and Amy and co, but I had to turn down because I must get this paper done. I'm also friggin' paranoid. I'd rather people didn't think of me as a friendless hanger-on (which is what I basically am here and I hate it), so I try to be social, but can't, thus paranoia. I don't want to appear as I feel I do. Shit. I can't stand this. I'd prefer an aura of mystery, to be anywhere else. 24 hour McDonald's! I could get my paper done there! Why the hell isn't there a 24-hour library at this school? There are 36,000 people! 36,000!!!
Fuck fuck fuck, damn it!!! It doesn't help that I only barely have anything for this paper in the first place, shit shit shit. GROWL, MAKE THEM FUCKING STOP BEING SO NOISY!!!! GO AWAY GO AWAY GO AWAY!!!! Great, Alicyn and Justin walked out, with another of those "bye loser-type roomie of Alicyn" goodbyes--a courtesy, nothing more. I guess I could try the lobby, if only I could be sure not to run into that stupid fat-ass security guard and if it had the internet. That's it, I'm going to bed, or something. I'll stay up all night, fuck it all. I'm madder than hell right now. I hate each and everyone of those people--I hear Ted, Tai, Hill, Lindsey, Steve, all the people on this floor, all the people I've not really exchanged two words with since way back before the boat cruise (or, well, mostly since the boat cruise). FUCK! SHUT UP!!!!
I'm never going to get this done :(
I can't get away. When I'm lonely and friendless, no one's around. When I need people to disappear and ignore me, to be gone off having fun without me as they do every other night of the week, they can't get enough of being assholes in Unilodge. There's just no justice here. I'm ready to blow off work for a couple of months now, the second I have to work, people suddenly appear. I'm mad mad mad. I blew off the Clyde so I could get this done, now I'm not, and if I don't get it done now, I'll have blown off the Clyde for nothing (no point in going now, there's no more specials and people would be leaving) and I'll miss out on tomorrow's events.
ARRRRRRGH!!!! SHUT YOUR GODDAMNED HOLES!!!!
*rants, clenches fists, grinds teeth*
Life sucks here. It fucking sucks. I was on a high today, too, had a chat with Beth, got an extension (so now the paper I need to write is not late with penalty), got into a short TPB about Death. Now it's grindstone time and I want to punch the lights out of everyone--especially Tai. Her voice is cutting through me through my door! She's such a hoochie mama, too, and I make no reservations when I say that--no 'i dislike this about her but she's nice'--she's basically just a ho. And now i'm ranting about people I've never mentioned before, so it's time to stop and get some sleep or work. Fuck.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2003-09-09 07:29 pm (UTC)I guess you're having trouble becoming friends with people who genuinely interest you, and that's really not surprising at all. I think that you're very much the same as I am in this respect: we can't just start really talking to people unless we have a good pretext to do so. And good pretexts are difficult to come by.
What's more, we're people whose best qualities don't come out until others have spent a good amount of time around us, and where's the opportunity for that? You're lucky to have a great roommate, but when you go into a new situation where everyone else already knows each other, it's so intimidating to try to stand out.
I still really only have a few close friends here in Miami. I can talk to strangers at bars and stuff, but I can't really befriend anyone, and I've found virtually nobody of interest to me there (which is why I rarely bother to go--the Miami bar and club scene mostly sucks outside of South Beach). But I did find a couple of opportunities for myself to branch out. One is getting to know my friends' friends, and the other is joining interesting clubs. I don't know how much you've looked into organizations that would interest you, but maybe you should look some more. I know that Carrie would be floundering if she hadn't found clubs like KAOS and the Games Club.
But I think what's really called for is some relaxation (after you get that paper done, of course). Find ways to enjoy your time in Australia by yourself or with just one or two other people, and make a list if you think that would be helpful--I know I'm always forgetting about good ideas. If you can make sure that you're enjoying your time without a lot of friends, then you'll be more relaxed, and everything seems to come naturally from that state.
Especially when you're smiling. Something else you have on your side, besides a really great personality, is that you're ridiculously hot, especially with a natural smile. Honestly, it wasn't your physical attractiveness that made me want to introduce myself to you the night we met at sci-fi, but it did help me notice you, which quickly led to my decision that you were really cool. I'm sure that other people will notice you too, and you'll like some of them.
By the way, in case you haven't heard it enough from the other Americans, we miss you a whole bunch. Do have a great time, but don't forget us, and come back safely. I hope I was helpful, and I hope things go well for you.
*hug hug hug*