It's been an odd morning so far...
Apr. 1st, 2005 01:39 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityvixenOur hot water was out yesterday, which wasn't a big deal for me as I planned to shower a couple of hours later when it was to be back on. Not so--instead, they turned off both heat and hot water through today. It didn't bother me much until this morning, which was a little chilly, but poor ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ivy03 was feeling it at writing group.
Speaking of writing group, that was odd last night, too. My friend from book club made it (I'd totally forgotten she was coming), but some of our regulars didn't. And, of all five of us, I was the only one who had anything, and even then, only a minor character sketch of a Blade piece. We had more fun and success with the round robin writing, which I think we should do again.
Then this morning, I come in, get right to work, browse the NYTimes to read that there's a militia/citizen's brigade patrolling the Mexican border to arrest or prevent illegal immigrants from entering the US, which is a little terrifying. Mostly, I like to think those nuts are up in Minnesota or Montana or other nowheres starting with the letter M, hiding in mountains. It's scary to think that they have gotten it into their heads they need to do this. On the one hand, I understand, 'cause terrorists could sneak in. On the other, dudes, terrorists can sneak in through Canada much easier and in a nicer environment, too. Worry about the drug smugglers if you want to peddle vigilantism. I mean, get it right, for heaven's sake.
Then there's this:
So, yeah, I'm back to reviewing fanfiction again. This time it's another Blade story but one not as annoying to read as the last. The author has the sound basics of grammar and spelling down, but she has created a dull Mary Sue destined for a love affair either with the shadowy evil of Stephen Dorff (I gotta say, that's pretty yum) or the hero-to-the-rescue badass of Wesley Snipes (vomit). Keep in mind when I write this review, that she deserves it. I'll post her response when I, inevitably, get one.
At the risk of repeating myself, I'm going to leave yet another review where I caution an author (You, in this case) about the construction of an OC. Elizabeth is already verging on the annoying, and I've only read the first short chapter. Elizabeth cannot sustain reader interest as she is because she is not being written as the protagonist; her character is most similar to that of the protagonist's annoying (and therefore doomed) friend.
Also, how ridiculous is it that Elizabeth is threatened by a complete stranger, who's followed her escape down a convenient alley no less, and she is *attracted* to him. I guarantee that no real human being would be scared out of their wits and then think, and I quote, "What a sexy guy!" Yes, Stephen Dorff is very attractive, but that is something *you* think, and I think, and what many women think. However, in your story, Elizabeth wouldn't think like that, especially not in that absurd phrase, about a man who's just ominously threatened her life. If you want to make a case for post-traumatic libido, fine, but you'll need to build it up over more than two or three paragraphs.
I'll get back to you on further chapters after my incredulity wears off. It's possible that your late chapters are brilliant and redeem Elizabeth Allen. Wouldn't want my negative opinion of this chapter to influence my impression of future installments. I would consider a serious re-write, however, because if this is you first chapter, less dedicated readers will abandon the fic entirerly even if the rest is Shakespeare. Good luck.
Why do I bother? Just crazy, I guess.
WOO! SIN CITY TO-NIGHT111!!!!!!
ivy03 was feeling it at writing group.Speaking of writing group, that was odd last night, too. My friend from book club made it (I'd totally forgotten she was coming), but some of our regulars didn't. And, of all five of us, I was the only one who had anything, and even then, only a minor character sketch of a Blade piece. We had more fun and success with the round robin writing, which I think we should do again.
Then this morning, I come in, get right to work, browse the NYTimes to read that there's a militia/citizen's brigade patrolling the Mexican border to arrest or prevent illegal immigrants from entering the US, which is a little terrifying. Mostly, I like to think those nuts are up in Minnesota or Montana or other nowheres starting with the letter M, hiding in mountains. It's scary to think that they have gotten it into their heads they need to do this. On the one hand, I understand, 'cause terrorists could sneak in. On the other, dudes, terrorists can sneak in through Canada much easier and in a nicer environment, too. Worry about the drug smugglers if you want to peddle vigilantism. I mean, get it right, for heaven's sake.
Then there's this:
So, yeah, I'm back to reviewing fanfiction again. This time it's another Blade story but one not as annoying to read as the last. The author has the sound basics of grammar and spelling down, but she has created a dull Mary Sue destined for a love affair either with the shadowy evil of Stephen Dorff (I gotta say, that's pretty yum) or the hero-to-the-rescue badass of Wesley Snipes (vomit). Keep in mind when I write this review, that she deserves it. I'll post her response when I, inevitably, get one.
At the risk of repeating myself, I'm going to leave yet another review where I caution an author (You, in this case) about the construction of an OC. Elizabeth is already verging on the annoying, and I've only read the first short chapter. Elizabeth cannot sustain reader interest as she is because she is not being written as the protagonist; her character is most similar to that of the protagonist's annoying (and therefore doomed) friend.
Also, how ridiculous is it that Elizabeth is threatened by a complete stranger, who's followed her escape down a convenient alley no less, and she is *attracted* to him. I guarantee that no real human being would be scared out of their wits and then think, and I quote, "What a sexy guy!" Yes, Stephen Dorff is very attractive, but that is something *you* think, and I think, and what many women think. However, in your story, Elizabeth wouldn't think like that, especially not in that absurd phrase, about a man who's just ominously threatened her life. If you want to make a case for post-traumatic libido, fine, but you'll need to build it up over more than two or three paragraphs.
I'll get back to you on further chapters after my incredulity wears off. It's possible that your late chapters are brilliant and redeem Elizabeth Allen. Wouldn't want my negative opinion of this chapter to influence my impression of future installments. I would consider a serious re-write, however, because if this is you first chapter, less dedicated readers will abandon the fic entirerly even if the rest is Shakespeare. Good luck.
Why do I bother? Just crazy, I guess.
WOO! SIN CITY TO-NIGHT111!!!!!!
