I'm bored

[trinityvixen]

Tell me a story.

Comments

Bored huh?

[teneda.livejournal.com]

I wonder how long before you turn to Star Wars Fanfics.

*looks at watch* *Marks time*


*readies to block your incoming smack*

Re: Bored huh?

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

::smack::

I won't do that as much to protect myself as to disdain that fandom's work. It's like sledging through the Harry Potter stuff. Not worth my time, even when desperately bored.

Re: Bored huh?

[teneda.livejournal.com]

OW!!!!!

Shoulda remembered you can't block a bitchsmack.
*rubs head*

You could at least take off the steel gauntlet first. Sheesh!!

Re: Bored huh?

[viridian.livejournal.com]

here, have the worst fic ever (non-Star-Wars, just bad)

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2296801/1/

see, I know that you're a NIN freak

[cbreakr.livejournal.com]

Once upon a time my friend Joe is at the NIN concert at Hammerstein last monday when a big drunk guy in the crowd starts roughing with him. Now my friend is a pretty small guy and the space is so tight that even if you're not jumping with the crowd you end up being lifted anyway, so he has to grab the guy by the neck and press into his eye to get him to back off. But, of course the guy is too drunk to stop and moves in again. Joe has to pull the same move again and then the guy backs off. And so it was that the NIN show was one of the most memorble experiences of his young life.

The End

[saikogrrl.livejournal.com]

Once upon a time there was a nice girl, who fell for a charming guy. But the charming guy soon turned out to be a bastard who was leading the nice girl on. But the nice girl forgave him and they became the bestest friends.

The End.

[(Anonymous)]

Once upon a time Liz M. put on Comedy Central to watch the Daily Show, and THE GAY XANDIR EPISODE WAS ON WHY WHY WHY WHY

Well since you asked =-þ (Part one)

[arcane-the-sage.livejournal.com]

This story is from the book: American Indian Myths and Legends

"What's this? My Balls for your dinner?" [White River Sioux legend]

Iktome, the wicked Spider Man, and Shunk-Manitou, Coyote, are two no-good loafers. They lie, they steal, they are greedy, they are always after women. Maybe because they are so much alike, they are friends, except when they try to trick each other.

One day Iktome invited Coyote for dinner at his lodge. Iktome told his wife: "Old Woman, here are two fine, big buffalo livers for my friend Coyote and myself. Fry them up nicely, the way I like them. And get some timpslia (some wild turnips) on the side , and afterward serve us up some wojapi (some berry soup). Use chokecherries for that. Coyote always likes something sweet after his meal."

"Is that all?" asked Iktome's wife.

"I guess so; I can't think of anything else."

"There's no third liver for me?" the wife inquired.

"You can have what's left after my friend Coyote and I have eaten," said Iktome. "Well, I'll go out for a while; maybe I can shoot a fine, plump duck for you too. Coyote always stuffs himself, so one liver may not be enough for him. But watch my good friend of mine; don't let him stick his hands under your robe. He likes to do that. Well, I go now. Have everything ready for us; Coyote never likes to wait."

Iktome left and his old woman got busy cooking. "I know who's always stuffing himself," she thought. "I know whose hands are always busy feeling under some girl's robe. I know who can't wait......it's that no-good husband of mine."

The fried livers smelled so wonderful that the wife said to herself "Those greedy, stingy, overbearing men! I know them; they'll feast on these fine livers, and a few turnips will be all that they leave for me. They have no consideration for a poor woman. Oh, that liver here looks so good; I know it tastes good. Maybe I'll try a little piece, just a tiny one. They won't notice."

So the wife tasted a bit of the liver, and then another bit, and then another, an in no time at all that liver was gone. "I might as well eat the other one too," the wife said to herself, and she did.

"What will I do now?" she thought. "When Iktome finds out, he'll surely beat me. But it was worth it!"

Just then Coyote arrived. He had dressed himself up in a fine beaded outfit with fringed sleeves. "Where is my good friend Iktome?" he asked. "What's he up too? Probably nothing good."

"How are you friend?" said the women, "My husband, Iktome, is out taking care of some business. He'll be back soon. Sit down; be comfortable."

"Out on business...you don't say!" remarked Coyote, quickly sticking his hand under the woman's robe and between her legs.

"Iktome told me you'd try to do that. He told me not to let you."

"Oh, Iktome and I are such good friends," said Coytoe, "we share everything." He joked, he chucked the woman under the chin, he tickled her under he arms, and pretty soon he was all the way in her; way, way up inside her.

"It feels good" said the woman, "but be quick about it. Iktome could be back at any time now."

"You'd think he'd mind, seeing we are such good fiends?"

"I'm sure he would. You'd better stop now."

"Well, all right. It smells very good here, but I see no meet cooking, just some timpsila. Meat is what I like."

"And meat is what you'll get. One sees this is the first time that you've come here for dinner; otherwise you'd know what you'll get. We always serve a guest the same thing. everybody likes it."

"Is it really good?"

"It's more than good. It's lila washtay (very good)."

Coyote smacked his lips, his mouth watering. "I can't wait. What is it? Tell me!"

"Why, your itka, your susu (your eggs, your balls), your big hairy balls! We always have that balls of our guest for dinner."

"Oh my! this must be a joke, a very bad joke."

Well since you asked =-þ (Part two)

[arcane-the-sage.livejournal.com]

"It's no joke at all. And I better cut them off right now with my big skinning knife, because it's getting late. Ikto gets mad when I don't have his food ready...he'll beat me. And there I was, fooling around with you instead of doing my cooking. I'll do it right now; drop your breechcloth. You won't feel a thing, I'll do this so fast. I have practice."

The woman came after Coyote with the knife in her hand.

"Wait a bit," said Coyote. "Before you do this, let me go out and make some water. I'll be right back," and saying this, he ran out of the lodge. But he didn't come back. He ran and ran as fast as his feet would carry him.

Just then Iktome came back without any ducks; he had caught nothing. He saw Coyote running away and asked, "Old Woman, what's the matter with that crazy friend of mine? Why is he running off like that?"

"Your good friend is very greedy. He doesn't have the sharing spirit," his wife told Iktome. "Never invite him again. He has no manners. He doesn't know how to behave. He saw those two fine buffalo livers, which I cooked just as you like them, and didn't want to share them with you. He grabbed both and made off with them. Some friend!"

Iktome rushed out of the lodge in a frenzy, running after Coyote as fast as he could, shouting: "Coyote! Kola! Friend! Leave me at least one! Leave one for me! For your old friend Iktome!"

Coyote didn't stop. He ran even faster than Ikto. Running, running, he looked back over his shoulder and shouted: "Cousin, if you can catch me, you can have both of them!"

=-)

[arcane-the-sage.livejournal.com]

For the record I had this all typed out from a couple of years ago. This is one of my favorite of the tricksters' tales. Just remember that you asked for a story ;)