trinityvixen | D-argh?

Whilst performing my Mary Sue-watch duty on the Blade list at fanfiction.net, I came across a terrible story with an obvious Mary Sue. Before troubling myself to read it beyond the first two paragraphs (which was as long as necessary to deem it a Mary Sue), I checked out her profile. I've been a slow learner, but if I've gotten nothing out of my last bevy of critical exchanges, it's that it doesn't pay to try and correct the youth of this country.

This new heinous offender is my youngest sister's age, older by about half a year. My youngest sister is fourteen, rather tall for her age (about my height but a smidgeon shorter, 5'4" or 5'5"). She is what I would call fairly average for a fourteen year old these days as I have no other markers by which to judge.

This girl is apparently 5'7" and has hair down to her butt that also happens to be in 'Boticelli curls.' Do fourteen year olds regularly reference Renaissance painters when talking about themselves? Is this the fault of The DaVinci Code? Are they super-mutant tall people now, too? Her Mary Sue character, not surprisingly, enjoys a similar coif, only longer, and a good four extra inches. I have met women who are 5'11" - my brother's hateful ex and the kind minister at my church. To say they are tall is to understate the facts. I wonder if she realizes what troubled waters she's getting into with this Mary Sue?

Mostly, I am utterly at a loss because this is someone my sister's age writing fanfiction!!! Forget the last guy who was like sixteen; he wasn't a girl and he wasn't either of my sister's ages (comfortably in between them). This is like looking through a mirror darkly and all those good 'I'm seriously uncomfortable, let me the fuck out of here right now' cliches. How have I missed being freaked about this before? Maybe I haven't looked closely at ages before, but seeing the year 1990 on her profile sent me tripping.

How do I be mean about her now? I mean, I want to inform her politely that her story is crap, her character ridiculous, and all that good nonsense, but all I can do is picture my sister. How do I yell at Devin for her unrealistic plotting and terrible dialogue? It's not that I'm afraid of hurting her feelings, but I can picture Devin's raised eyebrow and "you're crazy" look. It's disarming! Damn you, you infantile Mary Sue writer!