And now for something completely different

[trinityvixen]

Don't read this story. Don't do it. It will hurt. Your brain will confuse tenses, punctuation, and grammar just to make sense of what the sentences describe and from there, you're in for a world of hurt.

I'm trying something a little different since joining the GAFF forums (that's God-Awful Fan-Fiction). I'm still going to write to the author and inform her that she's got all the talent of a two-year old on steroids using a broken keyboard plugged into a toaster, but from now on, I will leave only snarky and mean comments in my LJ.

Or link to them at the boards, if I'm feeling lazy: Why does it hurt?

EDITED TO ADD: My review on ff.net.
If I left you a review that ONLY discussed your flagrant abuse of the English language, I would be writing until Labor Day. Not only have you gotten the 'your' wrong in your title, you continue to eschew common practices in writing (such as correct punctuation, spelling, grammar, and word choice) throughout this travesty of a story.

And do not think that the unfortunate experience stops there. If someone kindly, masochistically translated this story into working, functional English, it would still have all the plot of a cereal box cartoon, with none of the enjoyment or RDA fibre-y goodness. 'Blayde'? Please. Your butchery of the canon characters is tantamount to fandom rape, and your original characters pontificate like bad soap opera stars (worse, I'd wager). Your action makes no sense (why shoot a vampire to make sure it's dead when they flash-burn as they die?); your original character is a Mary Sue; and the O, M, and G, 'you are sooooo funny' "Twin "blaydes"!" line makes my eyes bleed as surely as the vampire whose torture starts the pain for us all. Perhaps he was being made to read other fanfiction you've written, poor blighter.

And Ken's reaction:
Ken: "ultraviolent light???" What, was it running on WWF batteries?

Comments

[ivy03.livejournal.com]

So, you've taken to snarking behind people's backs, eh? I would compare you to the evil girls in the corner of the schoolyard pointing and snickering - but, I do it to. Oh, well. I admire your restraint. Sounds like you needed it. Oy.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I snarked to her face, too. I just let others know that this fic is the devil to read and to avoid it. I consider this part of my recommending fics duty in addition to my 'destroy the infidel mary sue' duty.

[xannoside.livejournal.com]

huh....

that's all I have to say....

it's all I can say....

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Your horror singularly delights and reassures me. Thanks.

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

This isn't the funniest thing at the site, but it's an appropriate introduction to Spamusement. My favorites are the donut one and "thinking of you."

[viridian.livejournal.com]

bwahahahahaha.

[saikogrrl.livejournal.com]

*giggles* there is such complete disregard for continuity in tenses in just the first few sentences, I'm willing to bet this could be an intentional bad!fic..... o_O surely noone could be *that* bad.....



In other news, you are out of control..... -_-;;

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

In other news, you are out of control..... -_-;;

But we knew that, didn't we? I have very poor impulse control, and mediocre control over everything else...

[hslayer.livejournal.com]

..."and mediocre control over everything else..."

That must make those precision scientific tests a real hassle.