![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityvixenThere's a great 15-minute parody boil-down of the entire book. Part 1 is here; part 2 is here; and part 3 is here. Enjoy!
Chapter 8: Students: Ew, gross hand.
Dumbledore: Don't worry, I'm having a roboclaw fitted on Monday. (me: ROBOCLAW!)
Chapter Ten: Gaunt Household: We are mad, inbred and as willfully Dickensian as a hansom cab carrying an impoverished expectant mother on the brink of death and clutching a mysterious golden pendant inscribed with unfamiliar initials through the streets of London on a snowy Christmas Eve as the workhouse clock bell announces to the poor that it is time for prayers.
Chapter Eleven:Hermione: I am going to big up Harry's ego by telling him he's suddenly become very attractive.
Eight Million Fangirls: Yay! Our 'Harry had gotten cute over the summer' fics are vindicated!
Other Readers: *headdesk*
--Sexual Tension: I'm back. And I'm not leaving for - ooh, ages.
Chapter Thirteen: Tom Riddle: I am an unbelievably creepy little kid.
Readers: And yet, still more likeable than Colin Creevey.
Chapter Fourteen: Harry: I wonder when Ron and Hermione are finally going to start going out, and how it will affect me. Because everything is about me.
--Quidditch Practice: I am boring.
--Quidditch match: Oh, good. Another one of me. (okay, at this point I was dying; thank you, Jebus, someone gets that Quidditch is BORING)
--Sexual Tension: *puts up feet and opens newspaper*
Chapter Fifteen:Walpole: I would like to write Harry Potter's biography.
Harry: Actually, someone else is already writing it. You may have heard of her.
Chapter Sixteen: Mr Weasley: I am informing Harry of top secret Ministry business, seemingly under the impression that adding a hasty 'this is top secret, of course' to the end of every sentence makes it alright to pass sensitive information on to a sixteen year old boy with a history of holding grudges and getting into trouble.
Chapter Nineteen: The Hospital Wing: I am all the rage this year.
Chapter Twenty: Riddle: According to Harry's point of view, I am devastatingly goodlooking.
Harry: Riddle is devastatingly goodlooking, isn't he?
Readers: Given this is the kid who didn't notice that Hermione was pretty, Ginny turned heads or Madame Romserta was the idol of the school's male population, we're starting to think the slashers have a point.
Chapter Twenty-One: A Working Knowledge of Latin: Once again, I would be extremely useful at this point.
Chapter Twenty-Two: Ginny: I snap at Dean for invading my personal space. I am tired of sensitive, artistic types and am looking for a rugged thick-skinned and not overbright action man whose Alpha-babies I may bear.
Chapter Twenty-Four:Splitting up: I am in vogue. Just ask Ron, Lavender, Ginny and Dean.
Hermione: I am thrilled that Ron is single again.
Hermione’s Depth of Character: I am not anywhere to be seen at the moment.
Chapter Twenty-Six:Dumbledore: I attempt to access the secret doorway.
Readers: We are inevitably reminded of Gandalf entering Moria. This can only end well.
--Dumbledore: See me raise a mode of transportation from the water with the power of my mind!
Yoda: You are sooo sued.
Harry: I see dead people.
M. Night Shyamalan: You too, buster.
Harry: Seriously! I saw a dead body and it was underwater and cursed and it was also moving!
Readers: Are you absolutely sure it wasn't Tolkein rolling in his grave?
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Readers: Dumbledore has died. Of course, so did Gandalf. And Obi-Wan. And Jesus. But I expect that's just a coincidence.
But just to prove that this is great, without spoiling the book or the parody, here's the end bit:
The End: Here I am.
Half of Readers: Wow, this is all very serious and highminded. This is not just children's literature, this is literature full stop, and anyone who disagrees is a soulless monster.
Other Half of Readers: Wow, this is derivative drivel stuffed with hackneyed morality and authorial posturing, and anyone over the age of seven who disagrees is a brainless moron who should be culled for the good of the species.
Me: See? Nothing has really changed.
Chapter 8: Students: Ew, gross hand.
Dumbledore: Don't worry, I'm having a roboclaw fitted on Monday. (me: ROBOCLAW!)
Chapter Ten: Gaunt Household: We are mad, inbred and as willfully Dickensian as a hansom cab carrying an impoverished expectant mother on the brink of death and clutching a mysterious golden pendant inscribed with unfamiliar initials through the streets of London on a snowy Christmas Eve as the workhouse clock bell announces to the poor that it is time for prayers.
Chapter Eleven:Hermione: I am going to big up Harry's ego by telling him he's suddenly become very attractive.
Eight Million Fangirls: Yay! Our 'Harry had gotten cute over the summer' fics are vindicated!
Other Readers: *headdesk*
--Sexual Tension: I'm back. And I'm not leaving for - ooh, ages.
Chapter Thirteen: Tom Riddle: I am an unbelievably creepy little kid.
Readers: And yet, still more likeable than Colin Creevey.
Chapter Fourteen: Harry: I wonder when Ron and Hermione are finally going to start going out, and how it will affect me. Because everything is about me.
--Quidditch Practice: I am boring.
--Quidditch match: Oh, good. Another one of me. (okay, at this point I was dying; thank you, Jebus, someone gets that Quidditch is BORING)
--Sexual Tension: *puts up feet and opens newspaper*
Chapter Fifteen:Walpole: I would like to write Harry Potter's biography.
Harry: Actually, someone else is already writing it. You may have heard of her.
Chapter Sixteen: Mr Weasley: I am informing Harry of top secret Ministry business, seemingly under the impression that adding a hasty 'this is top secret, of course' to the end of every sentence makes it alright to pass sensitive information on to a sixteen year old boy with a history of holding grudges and getting into trouble.
Chapter Nineteen: The Hospital Wing: I am all the rage this year.
Chapter Twenty: Riddle: According to Harry's point of view, I am devastatingly goodlooking.
Harry: Riddle is devastatingly goodlooking, isn't he?
Readers: Given this is the kid who didn't notice that Hermione was pretty, Ginny turned heads or Madame Romserta was the idol of the school's male population, we're starting to think the slashers have a point.
Chapter Twenty-One: A Working Knowledge of Latin: Once again, I would be extremely useful at this point.
Chapter Twenty-Two: Ginny: I snap at Dean for invading my personal space. I am tired of sensitive, artistic types and am looking for a rugged thick-skinned and not overbright action man whose Alpha-babies I may bear.
Chapter Twenty-Four:Splitting up: I am in vogue. Just ask Ron, Lavender, Ginny and Dean.
Hermione: I am thrilled that Ron is single again.
Hermione’s Depth of Character: I am not anywhere to be seen at the moment.
Chapter Twenty-Six:Dumbledore: I attempt to access the secret doorway.
Readers: We are inevitably reminded of Gandalf entering Moria. This can only end well.
--Dumbledore: See me raise a mode of transportation from the water with the power of my mind!
Yoda: You are sooo sued.
Harry: I see dead people.
M. Night Shyamalan: You too, buster.
Harry: Seriously! I saw a dead body and it was underwater and cursed and it was also moving!
Readers: Are you absolutely sure it wasn't Tolkein rolling in his grave?
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Readers: Dumbledore has died. Of course, so did Gandalf. And Obi-Wan. And Jesus. But I expect that's just a coincidence.
But just to prove that this is great, without spoiling the book or the parody, here's the end bit:
The End: Here I am.
Half of Readers: Wow, this is all very serious and highminded. This is not just children's literature, this is literature full stop, and anyone who disagrees is a soulless monster.
Other Half of Readers: Wow, this is derivative drivel stuffed with hackneyed morality and authorial posturing, and anyone over the age of seven who disagrees is a brainless moron who should be culled for the good of the species.
Me: See? Nothing has really changed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-08-15 05:31 pm (UTC)HAHAHAHA! That just made my morning. :)
no subject
Date: 2005-08-15 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-15 05:49 pm (UTC)Thanks, D.
Date: 2005-08-15 06:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-15 10:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-16 06:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-16 06:59 am (UTC)CLIPPETY-CLOPPETY FOALS!
no subject
Date: 2006-10-13 10:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-14 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-14 09:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-14 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-10-14 06:40 pm (UTC)