(no subject)

[trinityvixen]

1) Jayne Cobb (Firefly)
2) Esme Weatherwax (Discworld)
3) Laura Roslin (Battlestar Galactica)
4) Alfred Pennyworth (Batman)
5) Miaka Yuuki (Fushigi Yuugi)
6) Jack Sparrow (Pirates of the Caribbean)
7) Trinity (The Matrix)
8) The Tick (The Tick)
9) Hugo "Hurley" Reyes (LOST)
10) Dr. Gregory House (House)
11) Jackie Estacado (The Darkness)
12) Sora (Kingdom Hearts)
13) Dory (Finding Nemo)
14) Jean Grey/Phoenix (X-Men)
15) Ginevra Weasley (Harry Potter)

From feiran:
--If #1 (Jayne Cobb), #4 (Alfred Pennyworth), and #12 (Sora) were to walk into your room and discover your freshman-year birthday present parked on the bed, what would they say and do?

For those of you not in the know, my freshman-year of college b-day gift from feiran was a blow-up doll dressed up like Cyclops from X-Men, who's like my favorite character (or was at the time, it varies). Point is, I find him hot, and feiran got me a sex toy and made it up as Cyclops, including visor, red eyes, costume (that she sewed!). Problem was, she presented it to me in front of mother and two younger sisters, one of whom was confused as to why his mouth was so weirdly shaped.

Ahem.

Jayne would not-so-secretly dig girlie sex toys out in the open, especially if display was forthcoming. Alfred would make a suitably snarky remark and then insist I must be hearing things when I demanded what he meant by "And I'm sure the trouser bulge explains your lack of interest in dating among the animate population of males." Sora would have no idea what it was, and would probably attack it, thinking it's gaping mouth belonged to a heartless or something.


--#2 (Esme Weatherwax), #4 (Alfred Pennyworth), and #7 (Trinity) have randomly begun to recite Finding Nemo! Who is doing which voice?

Wow, that is the most unlikely trio of Finding Nemo quoters I think you could have pulled off my list. Well, without a doubt, I'd give the voice of the pelican to Alfred. Trinity would probably be Peach, the sea star, and I guess Esme would condescend to voice something that wasn't out-right ridiculous and would be Marlin.


--#13 (Dory), #5 (Miaka Yuuki), and #9 (Hugo "Hurley" Reyes) have begun to fight over the last piece of cookie dough! Who emerges with the least clothing intact?

That's easy: Dory is a fish and doesn't wear clothes, so technically she wins. But, among those who have clothes, Miaka would emerge least dressed by virtue of the fact that looking at an underage girl in anime reduces her clothing to shreds. Plus, despite the heat and the example set by the ladies of Mystery Island, we have yet to see Hurley ever remove more than his socks.

**********

Care of anomilygrace:
--#5 (Miaka Yuuki) and #10 (Dr. Gregory House) go out on a date. Do they end up in bed at the end of it? Where do they go and who asked who.

This is where TV dies of laughter. The idea of House going out with Miaka is enough to give me conniptions and palpatations. House would have done the asking as a result of losing--probably for the first time ever, hence the degree of the compensation--a bet to Cameron. This is pay back for his treatment of Michelle Trachtenberg and those lesbians on last night's ep. No, no sex would happen because that = my brain death. Also, majorly statutory rape, and House is all about the lack of ethics, but even he wouldn't open that can of worms.


--You invite #3 (Laura Roslin), #7 (Trinity), #12 (Sora), and #13 (Dory) over for dinner. What do you make for them or do they order takeout? Does anyone hook up? Is there a fight?

We're having chicken because that's what I know how to make. Roslin will be very complimentary and diplomatic about my casserole, Trinity will wish the consistency bore less of a resemblance to her normal protein gloop, Dory will eat anything, and Sora will probably complain, being a teenage boy. Sora will try to impress Trinity with his mad keyblade skills, and girlfriend will school him. Dory will be impaled as a Cylon when Roslin sees two more like her in my fish tank. No hookups.


--#15 (Ginevra Weasley) and #1 (Jayne Cobb) fall in love. Who screws it up?

Jayne, o'course. To be fair to him, though, she'll make him pay righteously for it, such that it will pretty much absolve him of any guilt (should he be, in the future, capable of feeling any).


--What sport would #9 (Hugo "Hurley" Reyes), #4 (Alfred Pennyworth), and #14 (Jean Grey/Phoenix) go watch together? Or would they rather play a pick up game of...?

Tough call. Hurley and Jean would go watch a basketball game together, and Alfred would go along, but he'd prefer croquet or or cricket. Hurley would be all "Dude, what?" about cricket, but they might be able to bond over golf. Jean would school them both at baseball.


--#3 (Laura Roslin), #6 (Jack Sparrow), and #5 (Miaka Yuuki) end up on a pirate ship. Who does what? (or who?)

::falls down on knees, hands clasped in prayer:: OH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, YOU PICKED #5!!!

Ahem. Right, well Jack would have to be Captain, but he'd take more than a fair share of needling from Laura as First Mate. Pretty soon, they'd work out a comfortable relationship whereby he was beloved of the crew, but she was the one who got them to do shit to keep the whole place running. Miaka would be relegated to the crow's nest on spotter's duty because she's too loud to have on deck. The distance would make life better for all.

**********

Courtesy of viridian:
--#5 (Miaka Yuuki) has been challenged to a game of Fuck Marry Kill. His/her options are #3 (Laura Roslin), #7 (Trinity), and #9 (Hugo "Hurley" Reyes). How does he/she answer?

Uh...wow. Okay, so she'd definitely do Trinity because Miaka is a total whore for the approval of older, more mature role models, but I'm gonna guess she'd marry Hurley before Roslin. Roslin's like Tait'skun-old to someone Miaka's age anyway.


--#2 (Esme Weatherwax) and #6 (Jack Sparrow) are trapped on a plane with a lot of snakes. Who dies, and who gets to be the Badass Motherfucker in lieu of Samuel L. Jackson showing up?

Oh Esme--definitely Esme. However, I can see Jack Sparrow pulling a Pee-Wee's Big Adventure and running around the plane like a nancy boy with snakes in his hand and yelling his head off about them. Some of them would eventually take up nests in his hair.


--#13 (Dory) wakes up gay. Who on the list does he/she shag first?

HA HA HA HA HA HA ....aaaahhh, you kill me. Dory's so lovey-dovey cute, she'd probably go for GInny. Or maybe Miaka. EEEWWWWWEEEE GAY FISH SEX!!!!

**********

Thanks to ivy03, I have the answers to the following:
--#15 (Ginevra Weasley), #8 (The Tick), #5 (Miaka Yuuki), and #6 (Jack Sparrow) are stuck on an island a la Survivor. Who would be voted off first? Who would win?

Well, #1 off the island is easy: not even Ginny could put up with Miaka for more than a day. After that, Ginny and the Tick both make themselves really useful in the challenges and keep winning immunities and trying to get each other kicked off. One day, the vote will fall against one of the two of them when Jack wakes up and stops voting for "More liquor" on his ballots (which he will have confused with order slips) and against Ginny or the Tick. Jack Sparrow will win in the end because it's his island anyway.


--#14 (Jean Grey/Phoenix) gets transmogrified into an animal. Which animal would it be?

An eagle would be the natural choice here, but I don't think that's right for Jean's personality. I'd see her more as a fox or a wolf. Wolf, probably, since she's wise, strong, and still nuturing while being capable of running everything on her own.


--If given the opportunity, would #2 (Esme Weatherwax) prank #13 (Dory)? How? Would #13 (Dory) prank back?

Aside from Granny's utter lack of patience with idiots, she wouldn't use her Weatherwax-brand "sense of humor" on Dory. Dory wouldn't deserve that. Dory might tease Esme, but she would be incapable of punking Granny being as dim as she is.


--#7 (Trinity) overhears #10 (Dr. Gregory House) gossiping about #1 (Jayne Cobb). What’s the gossip? How would #7 (Trinity) react?

House would be divulging the amazingly long list of STDs he'd had to wipe Jayne down for in clinic, and the scary thing is that this is basically what House does all the time. Only with Jayne he'd be writing a paper on the new ones he found. Trinity would react by spreading word among the free minds to avoid him lest they want some of what House so cheerfully calls "crotch rot."


--#4 (Alfred Pennyworth) and #12 (Sora) are forced into a fight to the death cagematch. Would they fight? Who would win?

Absolutely not. They wouldn't fight. Sora is much too respectful of his superiors/elders to do that. Instead, he'd unlock he cage and seal up the naught Nobodies who tried to make him beat up this nice older guy. Also, he'd hit Alfred up for potions and ethers to keep him strong while he fights evil.


--What song would #3 (Laura Roslin) sing when drunk?

Is it wrong to say "The United States of Whatever"? I would love for Roslin to yell at the fleet "This is my united states of ...whatever!"


--How will #11 (Jackie Estacado) probably die?

Jackie died by blowing himself up. How will he really, canoniacally die? Probably by knocking up some girl and thereby passing on the Darkness to the next generation. How would it be funny if he died? If he grew old as the father of like seven girls.


--#9 (Hugo "Hurley" Reyes) is elected master of the universe. What’s his/her first decree?

Hurley is a most excellent choice for master of the universe. The best user of the word "dude" since Bill and/or Ted. His first decree would be that people had to chill the fuck out. Only he wouldn't say "fuck" because Hurley's a gentle soul.

**********

bigscary had these to contribute:
--#2 (Esme Weatherwax) & #9 (Hugo "Hurley" Reyes) in a gladiator match with #6 (Jack Sparrow) as Emperor -- Who wins? Does #6 (Jack Sparrow) show mercy?

Poor Hurley! Esme will probably not kill him, and Jack's inclined to show mercy, but I think he'd probably stick his foot in his mouth and end up at the wrong end of Esme's magic. Hurley will be suitably impressed when Jack is transformed into a drunken, reeling alley cat (who will probably be raped by Greebo) and give her the thumbs-up "Dude!"


--#14 (Jean Grey/Phoenix) knows a secret of #4's (Alfred Pennyworth's). What is it?

Ooh, good one. I guess the secret she would know is that Alfred is actually jealous of Bruce in that Bruce had the cojones to keep gallivanting about with young boys while Alfred was never so free about his person. Ah well, more's the pity.

**********

jethrien wanted to know:
--Did #8 (The Tick) go to the senior prom?

He does look styling in a tux, but alas no. I'm not sure the Tick was ever a teenager, to tell you the truth.


--What kind of stuffed animal did #3 (Laura Roslin) have as a child?

A pony. Something girly but strong. I think she also had a garden when she was little. I see her more as a flower-type than a stuffed-animal type.


--What movie does #13 love (Dory), but would never admit to loving it?

Dory lacks a filter not to say what she likes/dislikes. But I think Dory would definitely approve of My Neighbor Totoro.


--How does #15 (Ginevra Weasley) spend rainy days?

Never a boring moment with Ginny, so I'd say practicing aggressive, offensive spells and effective defensive ones, and throwing in a few cute ones--playing with a Patronus, say--just for kicks.


--What superpower would #9 (Hugo "Hurley" Reyes) like to have?

It's not a superpower, but I think Hurley would like to have like the power of Heart, only not sucky like Mati's in Captain Planet. I think he wants the ability to feel only goodwill whenever he confronts prickly people (even if they're prickly with others who are not him) and to feel only nice towards them.

**********

And deepredbelle finishes us off with some pretty involved ones:
--If #11 (Jackie Estcado) and #8 (The Tick) were were at the mercy of #3's (Laura Roslin) nefarious plan to destroy them, would #5 (Miaka Yuuki) or #13 (Dory) be better suited to show up and kick some ass on their behalf? And why would #3 (Laura Roslin) want to destroy #11 (Jackie Estcado) and #8 (The Tick) in the first place? And how would #11 and #8 combine forces to protect themselves until #5 or #13's arrival?

Da-yum, yo! That's the most involved question ever. Plus you win for getting me to snarf water up my nose at the very thought of Miaka and Dory launching a rescue mission to get the Darkness and the Tick out of Laura Roslin's clutches. A teenage girl and a fish are going to save two super-powered grown men from a slight older woman? What was she going to do, airlock them? Couldn't the Tick basically survive anything and isn't space entirely dark, so the Darkness could protect himself?

Ah, but then again this is Laura Roslin, and she plays rough. My guess is she's captured the Tick and Jackie (who is the Darkness in case I hadn't said so explicitly anywhere yet) because the former is too stupid to be allowed to mate and stupid up the gene pool of the fleet, and the latter dies the moment he procreates, so it's not like he'll be swelling those numbers anytime soon. Plus, the Estacado line is like a guaranteed mommy-killer. Jackie's mom died having him, after all, so you could lose two all for one kid who can only ever have one kid...

Yeah, my money's on Roslin doing it for population protection and control, respectively. Dory's their best hope at rescue, being mildly willing to risk life and fin to get what she wants and for her love of adventure (Miaka's probably busy having babies with Tamahome at Roslin's request--Mme President sidetracked her by throwing food and a naked Chinese boy in her way). Until Dory figures out a way to breathe and live out of water, the Darkness is going to have to try to stay sane while locked up with the Tick. Poor Jackie--the Darklings are all going to love the Tick and find him endlessly amusing.


--If #4 (Alfred Pennyworth) discovered they had a terminal illness, would they choose #6 (Jack Sparrow) or #12 (Sora) to spend their last moments with, and what would they do?

Awww, Alfred can't die!!! He'd definitely hang out with Sora, as Jack Sparrow would manage to get on even Alfred's even temper. I can just picture Alfred trying to be butler to Jack Sparrow, though, and, funnily enough, I bet his life wouldn't be any more bizarre than it already is as Bruce Wayne's butler. He'd be doing the same things: explaining his employer's weird behavior, making snide comments about it on the side, rolling his eyes a lot...

But Alfred would be glad to see Sora, a little kid doing hero work who wasn't terribly jaded or messed up like all the Robins. They would probably spend a cheerful afternoon doing not much of anything at all, and Sora would never be saddened by Alfred's going away, which would keep Alfred happy until his last moments.

Oh, damn you, now I'm all sniffly. Maybe it's just the water that went up my nose. Yeah, that's it.


--#7 (Trinity) has just discovered #15 (Ginevra Weasley) has a terrible secret. What is the secret and who is #7 (Trinity) most likely to tell: #2 (Esme Weatherwax), #14 (Jean Grey/Phoenix), or #1 (Jayne Cobb)? And what would that person's reaction be?

This is the second time Trinity has been eavesdropping and picked up the goodies on other people on this list. Must be all that espionage she does in the Matrix. Since she already knows Jayne's filthier than a brothel's bathroom, she's not about to tell him that Ginny has so much as a bad habit let alone a terrible secret. I get the impression that Trinity and Esme Weatherwax would get along like not at all, but Esme might be the one in whom to confide a secret about another witch. Plus, she'd probably get it out of Trinity one way or another, whether Trinity liked it or not.

In the end, Trinity will go to momma hen Jean Grey so that one spectacular, pretty, smart red-head can bond and console another. Ginny will get great support and advice from these two amazing female role models. They'll reassure her that wearing nothing underneath her robes is not in the least bit kinky and that they would never judge her (what right would they have to do that?).

Comments

[viridian.livejournal.com]

Wow.

I am impressed, and not in a good way, that Miaka ended up in so very many questions.

It's just like her to worm her way in absolutely everwhere.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Yeaaaaaah, not so pleased about that myself. She's such a nuisance. The good news is that she's probably going to be shot if she stays on board a ship with Jack Sparrow for too long...

[anomilygrace.livejournal.com]

Ginny and Jayne! Oh, THAT would be a crossover for the ages!!! These were hilarious to read. I love the thought of Roslin's pony.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I love this blind fandom things. And Ginny would be quite a match for Jayne, methinks. It's wrong on the level that I find River and Jayne wrong, but at the same time I laugh a lot at because River or Ginny could totally take Jayne if they had to.

I am making a committee, I've decided. The Committee to Buy Laura Roslin a Pony. Or, at the very least, a kitten. She could use one.

[fairest.livejournal.com]

Aw, come on--Laura Roslin is well-known for quick and merciless airlock-executions. Miaka and Dory vs. outer space? Nuh-uh.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the thing: if Roslin can capture the Tick and the Darkness, what chance does a teenage girl or a fish have?

...or a duck, for that matter.

[fairest.livejournal.com]

LAND. LUBBER.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

WHAT.