(no subject)

[trinityvixen]

Read. This.

It's an interesting and devastating and funny article all at the same time. "The Taming of the Slur." The slur in particular here is "slut." There are good points to the reclaiming of the word, and there are the expected bad points. Can we reclaim such a word? Among less serious recent comebacks, we've taken back the word "geek," taking pride even when it's hurled at us unflatteringly. "Queer" is another--it got to be an ugly word then came around again to one of pride, one of common address. As you would say "I am a geek," you can now saw "I am queer."

But what about "slut"? Queer made a comeback, sure, but I doubt something as hateful as "faggot" will ever be bandied about as cheerfully. And make not mistake but that "slut" is a hateful term. "Slut" is making inroads--like the article says, we call ourselves sluts when we mean we overindulge, obsess, or crave (I, most definitely, am a Diet Pepsi slut).

That's changing usage, however. What about actually calling someone a slut and meaning it's more traditional defintion--that of an unforgiveably (because such behavior in women is unforgiveable, clearly) promiscuous woman? Teenagers doing that one to the other in play or as a new way of saying "You're cool" while actually disliking anyone who ventures into the behaviors we commonly associate with a slut? The double standard is that it's cool to have people think you're a slut, but if they know it, you are a slut and therefore less than human, disgusting, dirty. Instead of "You're so queer," you are, in essence, "a fucking fag."

That's the difference. Pardon the offensive language, but that's it. In one word, you're trying to praise a girl (it's rarely directed at boys) for her sexiness and then condemning her if she has expressed any enjoyment in sex. When there's only one word to define both, where do you figure out the boundary? While the word "slut" is a two-edged sword, how can you use it to slap and not cut at the same time?

The lack of such words thrown at boys is especially glaring in this search for a positive or negative definition of "slut." It reminds me, of all things, of an Ally McBeal episode, where a male colleague called Ally a bitch, and the only thing she could throw back at him was "You....man." As we have no handy shorthand for a domineering man (like we do for a domineering woman in "bitch"), what equivalent do we have for an unacceptably promiscuous man? "Player" doesn't quite cut it. A "player" is a man on the prowl for sex, he isn't the type you'd want to marry, just like one man in the article says about a slut, except that you wouldn't really want to date a player either, whereas apparently men do want to date sluts. It scratches the itch, she won't be needy (a Very. Bad. Thing. and a compromise of masculinity, apparently, having to deal with your partner's emotions), then you can trash her for the lady in white, the feminine ideal: a woman who hasn't had as much sex as you have so she won't know if you're bad at it or not. That's harsh, but that's the worst this comes down to, and the worst a word comes down to is the stigma still attached to it. A slut is still a woman men want to use, women are self-trained to denigrate because they are still trained to make for a goal of getting a man, and, ultimately, a pariah in this sexually moribund society.

That's a long way of saying I think we're a long way from reclaming this particular slur, and I find it incredibly disturbing that we should encourage anyone to try. Or that we celebrate people who embody the definition (Paris Hilton, I'm looking in your direction).

Comments

[arcane-the-sage.livejournal.com]

what equivalent do we have for an unacceptably promiscuous man?

Man-hoe seems to be the equivalent term if used properly

[edgehopper.livejournal.com]

I've also heard the term "mlut", though it's a bit too inelegant to catch on.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

See my comment above, but it's still not the same. It's not even really slang--it's like slang of slang. If slang were a language, man-whore or whatever else would be slang in that language. So, man-slut or man-ho? Those aren't even real slang, let alone slurs.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Ah, but "man-ho" is a derivative of "ho," a term originally coined about women. By that definition, you can say "man-slut" also works, but the key element to both is that you have to change the word to make it apply to men, whereas the words stand on their own as purely derogatory towards women.

It's like nymphomaniac. That, too, referred specifically to women only who were obsessed with sex to an unhealthy degree. If it's changed since, I've not heard. The point is that you can add "male" or "man-" to any number of words to make them apply to men, but that no one slang term was originated to denigrate a man for extreme sexual appetite. Because it was never deemed that such a thing was unusual (in our Judeo-Christian Western society, man was forgiven for having multiple wives, concubines, seeing prostitutes, etc because his appetite wasn't deemed extraordinary).

[arcane-the-sage.livejournal.com]

By that definition, you can say "man-slut" also works...

True, but in the case of "man-ho" you have elements in pop culture currently in place that increase both recognition and acceptance of the meaning of the term. In addition the term "man-ho" has underpinnings of a particular connotation by which you challenge the individuals so called "manhood" in much the same way that the term "slut" challenges a women's "lady-like" reputation.

Funny how you bring up nymphomania since that has started to give way to the term "Sexual Addiction" given its presence in males as well as females. On some levels the male form of sexual addiction is cast in a far more negative light since his "perversion" puts him in the same category as rapists and child molesters even when he has done no harm (in thought or in body) to another human being. Despite any negative social implications of being labeled a nymphomaniac, the person so labeled still has a place in society. The male equivalent however is often labeled and treated as a pre-criminal who will at some point need to be put behind bars.

[mephistakitten.livejournal.com]

In the South Africa, there's the phrase "piele mit wiele" (spelling, bad) ... literally "penis with wheels"...

[stars-fell.livejournal.com]

ROFL, I just read that article at Starbucks this morning. Personally, I have never used the word "slut" as a term of endearment. (Though I do call my sister "h0r", but that's because we're cheerful bitches to each other.)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

It was pretty funny. I am trying to imagine my little sister doing that to her friends (she's in high school right now) and it's not coming to me, thanks be to God.

[hslayer.livejournal.com]

I'm going to sound unusually like a feminist here, though in what I'm sure some of your readers will see to be a backasswards way....

I don't think "slut" should be "reclaimed". It's not like being black, or like being homosexual, or like being good with computers...it's freaking nasty. I can't attest for society's double-standard, however my option is not to think female sluts are great, but to think male sluts (I see no reason to devise a new term - how's that for equality?) are just as freaking nasty. I'm one of the horniest people I know, yet I have no interest in having so many partners I'd have to think about it to know exactly. I personally would feel dirty if I did.

I know most of society uses the word in an unbalanced, gender-biased way, and that many of the same progressives who dislike the gender bias aspect think that the best solution is ultimate sexual freedom (as in, not just freedom from others' constraints, but freedom from one's own, which makes no sense to me). Personally I think I'm solving the problem just fine by equivalizing the genders on the other side.

As an interviewee for that article said, I wouldn't marry a slut...I wouldn't even date a slut...when I have children (again, of EITHER gender), I won't want them to be sluts. Beyond that, though, I have enough of a live-and-let-live mentality that I couldn't care less. (I mention this as a pre-emptive action before a thousand people descend on me here telling me I'm a fascist asshole: I don't want to force people to behave a certain way, but I, too, am certainly free to think whatever I choose, thanks.)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I agree about not reclaiming slut. I'd prefer the term to shift its meaning along the lines mentioned--caffeine slut, etc--or die out entirely.

People are free to live their lives as they chose. I chose not to be promiscuous, and I would feel awkward being with someone who was promiscuous, if only because of what it suggests about the person's ability to be happy with just one other partner (which is my preference when entering a relationship of that kind). I don't think it makes them dirty or undateable, only that I think it makes them unable or unlikely to commit to a one-on-one, and that's not what I'd look for.

As for not raising sluts or encouraging people not to be sluts? I do that out of fear of STDs more than anything else. We've gotten so crazed about not teaching kids safer sex practices in this country, I'm just waiting for the bomb to drop, for AIDS infection rates to skyrocket and the like. We're also indulging a more-more-more, gimme-gimme-gimme age that's going to find drugs harder to turn away from, and crystal meth has already spiked STD infection rates liek whoa. I would be an irresponsible parent to encourage free loving to my kids in this environment because no matter how careful I teach them to be, I can't parent the people they'll have sex with. Teaching them to be more selective about partners is for their own good.

[arcane-the-sage.livejournal.com]

...I'm just waiting for the bomb to drop, for AIDS infection rates to skyrocket and the like.

You don't keep up with health news do you? Rates have been spiking in the high school and early college aged population. Mostly it's been other STDs, but AIDS rates haven't been dropping off as they have been in years past. There are already preliminary studies trying the increases to sex ed (or more specifically lack there of). One article in particular that I found interesting, Forget sex? Virginity pledgers lie about past, really concerns me since you could end up with a lot of carriers for things who won't know what they're doing to their partners. I try at least once a week to go through MSNBC's Sexual Health to find out what else is going on in the field... and sometimes I find it scary.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I don't keep up with health news in the specific. I did hear that the virginity pledgers don't keep the pledge any better than the non-pledgers end up breaking it, and that kids are having a lot more oral/anal sex since the pushes towards vaginal virginity have been going on. But no specifics, no.

[happyelfling.livejournal.com]

FYI, "faggot" is actually bandied about to some extent, and "fag" is very common among gay men. I think the amount of usage of "fag", "dyke", and "queer" are roughly equivalent these days.

I think anything can be reclaimed. If the black community can reclaim the n-word (even with a new spelling/pronunciation), seriously anything can be reclaimed.

Also, I know some really cool sluts (of the male and female variety) who use the word to describe themselves positively or neutrally (as a simple descriptor of "I have had sex with a lot of people). I could in no way claim or reclaim that word, so I defer to them. If they like it, more power to them. If not, I won't use it around them. That's pretty much how I am with all the reclaimed words. If I'm hanging out with some women who like women, and they don't like my reclaimed words, I won't use them. They still have too negative a connotation for many people, especially older people.

There are still people out there who fit the definition of "geek" but won't use the word. I might argue a bit with these people (as opposed to older gays/lesbians, who I would not argue with) but ultimately if they felt really strongly about not using the word "geek" I wouldn't use it for them. (Then I would go back to my friends and mock these people.)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Let me restate, then. People who aren't gay would be less comfortable using the term "fag" versus "queer" as we've come to give more weight as a mean slur to the first whereas the queer movement has reclaimed "queer." That make more sense?

And yes, among the people who fit a certain slur, it's possible to reclaim it--i.e., if there were an international caucus of sluts, they could call each other it and know they were all equal under the term, like the n-word being used by black people. However, this is not what "slut" is being used for. It's being used on people who are not sluts, who don't want to be sluts, and who look down upon people who are. You can't do that with one word because it creates a) confusion, and b) hurt feelings far too easily.

As for the reclamation of the n-word, it was one of the few things I thought was true about the movie Crash where there was a black guy rhapsodizing about how white people don't need to be racist because they've gotten the black community to turn on itself. Members refer to each other using the n-word, women are bitches, sluts, and hos, etc. That could be seen as reclaiming, but there's hardly any respect to the usage to suggest as much.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

I totally replaced "What's up, dawg!" with "What's up, slut?" just a few weeks ago.

Also, isn't the appropriate male version of "bitch" supposed to be "bastard"? I don't think people really use it in the correct sense, it's just another foul word to call someone. There aren't a lot of words like "bastard", no, but I always thought that was the equivalent of "bitch".

Not that I sit around debating the equality of swear words, nor use those two on people.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

"Bastard" comes close, but it's nowhere near as common as "bitch." For one, "bastard" still has the mark of a curseword in most places--it lagged behind "bitch" in being acceptable on television, for example. While both are used to imply derogatory things, "bastard" means your parents weren't wedded when you were born, whereas "bitch" means you are a female dog. Note that both women and men can be bastards, but a bitch is a female dog. Besides which, being a bastard isn't something you control--the fault lies with your parents' sinfulness et al--whereas being a bitch, well, that's your fault for being a woman.

And that is the swear word we associate with women who have the temerity to work and advance as far as men in the workplace and to wield equal power as men? Lovely.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Well, that is how I always use it.

I guess I don't think either "bitch" or "slut" are a very big deal, not only because I never say them but because even if I did say them I'm probably just saying them to swear generally and not at anyone. Really, I don't care either way whether or not the word comes back, the principle doesn't change: There are a lot of words in the English language and most of them are really funny if you think about them too long, and so really it's all about who is using the word and why, and less about the word itself.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Knowing who you use it with determines half the effectiveness of the word. That said, you still need to watch out. You can be overheard and have someone take offense. That's why certain words are more curse-tacular than others and require more finesse. Most of those words are derogatory towards either your race or your sexual preference, for reasons that are pretty obvious--the former because of centuries of racism leading to friction and feelings of inferiority and guilt, depending on where your race falls on the divide, and the latter because it's a private matter, and nothing embarrasses better than dragging private business into the light.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Of course. When swearing one must be polite and courteous.

I don't swear to my parents and I don't swear in public. I doubt either my mom or dad would find it amusing.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Word. Although, when my mother swears? Monuementous event. There are parades. Because she rarely does, but she'll drop an f-bomb when she's good and pissed and then whoa, had you better not be the one who wiggled it out of her...

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

You put the image of the F-word bursting out of someone like an alien baby in my mind.

I just want you to know that.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

You are weird. I just wanted you to know that.