trinityvixen | I amuse myself at viridian's expense!

The IM conversation that I've had for about twenty-four hours now, give or take with

viridian proves the depths to which my mind can sink when I am left alone for too long.

How about this gem, provoked by me trying to clean up files on my hard drive?

trinityvixen: Heh, I still have the install files for Princess Maker. Remember that game?

viridian: haha, me too!

viridian: I just noticed it on my comptuer the other day

trinityvixen: So messed up.

trinityvixen: Why was she such a slut?

viridian: *snort*

***

In case some of you don't know, there are some fucked up pictures being posted around town as adverts for the new WB+UPN super-channel of suck, the CW. Most of the ads managed to make the stars look like complete ass-munches, but the one for Smallville proved that you can always go lower, even when you set the bar really fucking low. I mentioned to

viridian about how bad the poster was the other day, then I went and found one in the 163rd St C-train station and took a picture. She's going to post them later, but suffice to say all the cursing and casual mentions of Tom Welling possibly getting the role of Clark Kent because he is actually an alien don't even do it justice.

And the Supernatural poster (for all one of you who I know watch that show) is almost as bad. Why?

viridian: omg, send me pictures so I can post rants

trinityvixen: I'll send all three I took, so you get the Supernatural one and THE EXTREME CLOSEUP Smallville one.
...

trinityvixen: d'you have the e-mail

viridian: dunno

trinityvixen: You don't know ::crushed::

trinityvixen: You know you want to see those hawt pictures again.

trinityvixen: Just imagine that the guy in the back of the Supernatural one is making that O-face for av very, very, very obvious reason.

viridian: *SNORRRT*

viridian: stoppit!

trinityvixen: In case I was being too subtle: HE IS GETTING READY TO SUCK THE COCK OF THE OTHER GUY.

viridian: jkdsakdhsajkh'

trinityvixen: Which, is, as you know, perfectly legal. They're not in fact related.

trinityvixen: I know you might have been confused because they play brothers on the TV show what was being advertised there.

***

trinityvixen: I am returned to bug you! Hurrah!

viridian: hey

trinityvixen: whassup?

viridian: dunno. bored. sickish feeling again

trinityvixen: And what did we determine made it better? (The answer is Chinese Food)

trinityvixen:

viridian: Chinese Food.

trinityvixen: Very Good!

viridian: LOL

***

trinityvixen: Dude, Papa Luthor is the voice of the Riddler on Batman: the Animated Series. It's weeeeeird. But, still, awesome.

viridian: hee!!!

viridian: that's cool

trinityvixen: He's all like "I'm waaaaay too cool for even Batman."

trinityvixen: He's almost right.

trinityvixen: Maybe, just maybe, this is the way to get Batman on Smallville. Then again, Smallville's done enough desperate "HEY LOOK AT THIS GUY FROM THE COMICS" episodes of late.

trinityvixen: LIKE THE FUCKING AQUAMAN EPISODE.

trinityvixen: FISH PUNS

viridian: blarg. but you know? originally?

trinityvixen: THERE WERE FISH PUNS. THE HUMANITY.

viridian: the idea for Smallville before it was Smallville

trinityvixen: What?

viridian: was a show about a young BATMAN

viridian: young Bruce Wayne

trinityvixen: That would be awesome.

viridian: but they decided he was too emo or some shit

trinityvixen: He'd have to be like super hawt

trinityvixen: !!!!!

trinityvixen: After what they turned Smallville into?

trinityvixen: They have the gall to call Bruce Wayne emo?

viridian: HEE

trinityvixen: Next, you're going to tell me that they thought Robin would have been too "annoying" while they still employ the "LANA IS AWESOMERS!" in every episode.

***

trinityvixen: Anyway, let's talk about something unrelated to Smallville. How's that post coming about Tom Welling being possibly descended from a fish?

trinityvixen: (joking)

trinityvixen: (but not about the fish thing)

trinityvixen: (because that's true)

viridian: um um

viridian: I am lazy.

trinityvixen: No shit, Sherlock.

trinityvixen: Heh, I almost typed sher-lick.

trinityvixen: You'd like that.

trinityvixen: To be Sher-licked.

viridian: *snort*

trinityvixen: Sicko

trinityvixen: See, you know you brought this on yourself, don't you? Because you brought up the fact that we hadn't made anything of your tendency to suck copious amounts of cock lately.

trinityvixen: (heh, language of the abuser: blame the victim. Check)

viridian: *snort*

viridian: asshole. :P

trinityvixen: You sher-lick those, too. As does yo mamma.

viridian: your insults are getting progressively more lame

trinityvixen: As evidenced by the "yo mamma." If I'm self-conscious that I, too, am starting to suck, it's like hip, and more effective.

trinityvixen: GENIUS

***

I do love my kittens, really.

trinityvixen: Aaaaaand the cats are back to killing each other. Brilliant. This is my day.

viridian: yay!

viridian: they are kittens

viridian: they do that

trinityvixen: I watch things that aggravate and amuse me (Smallville, Batman, respectively), and then make fun of you while my kittens fight to the death.

trinityvixen: Fantastic.

***

My revelation of the weekend? All those bands whose songs were the ones that the teenage fanbrats used to use to make their cliched, emo, and generally addictive fanvids to? Terrible.

trinityvixen: What the hell is the text on that Spike icon btw?

trinityvixen: I fucking hate it when I can't read the text.

viridian: something about kiss or kill something

viridian: I dunno

viridian: It's decorative

viridian: it's a brush, I didn't write it

trinityvixen: It's like those people who take icons and don't change them at all, just put reeeeeeally small text crammed in a paragraph at the bottom. And everyone is like "OOOH!!! TEH SHINIES!!!" and then they look down and see the explanation of the text and are like "FUCK, IS THAT AN AVRIL SONG?"

viridian: LOL!!!!!

viridian: yes

viridian: hey, I like a few Avril songs

viridian: not many

viridian: but

viridian: some

trinityvixen: I think there's maybe one I know of. From a fanvid.

trinityvixen: When you're distracted from the Avirl with the pretty anime, it's easier to swallow. Like putting medicine in your food.

viridian: *snort*

trinityvixen: That actually explains another phenomenom I've recently come to understand was the product of too many anime fanvids: the fan base of Linkin' Park (oh for Fod's sake, spell it LINCOLN or LINKING, whichever it's meant to be, damn it)

viridian: YES

viridian: so many of those

viridian: SO MANY

trinityvixen: My iPod snapped the other day. It would only play U2 or Linkin' Park. I came to realize that Linkin Park? SO ANNOYING.

viridian: they really are

viridian: someone called Evanescence the female version of Linkin Park, and so true

trinityvixen: This is also so. When either comes up on the iPod, it's like an automatic skip.

trinityvixen: Dear God,
Please save us from fake Goth and bad rap-rock.
Amen.

***

I think the first sentence of this exchange speaks for itself, and for its content.

trinityvixen: God, you know what is a fucking crime? The first episode where Brainiac actually speaks is the fucking Aquaman episode. Damn it damn it damn it.

viridian: LOL

viridian: I like Brainiac

trinityvixen: Sorry, I know I was stopping the Smallville talk, but shitfuckingcuntsher-lickingcocksuckingmotherfucker

viridian: HEE!!

viridian: Tourettes by bad-tv-provocation?

trinityvixen: Mein Gott im Himmel.

trinityvixen: LOL!

trinityvixen: Yes!

viridian: man

viridian: I need to get you over here to mock Angel

trinityvixen: Anything would be better than FISH PUNS.

trinityvixen: FISH PUNS.

viridian: you can come talk about how whiny Fred is and how her death scene took approximately six times as long as Trinity's and how Illyria should have been worshipped again just for putting an end to her, lol

trinityvixen: Seriously, I've seen Fred's death episode. That was all I thought. If I were Wesley? Holy Shit. "I'm so sorry you're dying so slowly and painfully. Allow me to slit your wrists so that you might not suffer...or wake up a vengeful God-demon bent on destroying our reality."

viridian: HAHA YES

viridian: it's like

viridian: if she was already dying

viridian: why the fuck

viridian: did they not kill her quicker?

viridian: to, you know

viridian: prevent the whole Illyria thing

trinityvixen: I didn't think they knew precisely until it was too late.

trinityvixen: But I really don't give a crap.

viridian: I guess. I think she knew and Wesley knew that she was dying

viridian: I mean

viridian: they'd kinda given up

trinityvixen: The second someone on that show comes down with some mysterious unknown disease? They should be killed.

viridian: and Illyria was awesome but she was the most emo ex goddess ever

trinityvixen: When has anyone on a Whedon show acted out of character and not been taken over by the evil or been in fact evil?

trinityvixen: Seriously

viridian: yeah, pretty much

viridian: but she didn't

viridian: act out of character

viridian: she just got sick

viridian: and was useless, which was pretty much in-character for Fred

trinityvixen: Sick, suddenly evil, same difference.

trinityvixen: Then again, given that Angel's detective agency was dealing with the supernatural all the fucking time, I guess they couldn't afford to blow heads off every time someone had the sniffles.

trinityvixen: ...would have been cool, though.

viridian: no, but that would have rocked

viridian: Wesley liked to shoot people with little provocation

trinityvixen: Wesley: "What's the matter, Angel?"
Angel: ::sniffling:: "UH, headcold?
Wesley: ::cocking shotgun:: "Nice try. I'll give you a head start for that."

trinityvixen: Gunn: ::sticks head out of office:: "What's going on, guys?"
Wesley: "Angel. Says he has a head cold."

trinityvixen: Gunn: "Carry on then. Don't want none of those nasty cold viruses 'round here. Watch me talk ethnic some more, then go back in my pimped out office."

viridian: omg

viridian: LOL

viridian: so getting quoted

trinityvixen: I try.

trinityvixen: Narcissism.

***

trinityvixen: I want Brainiac to dooooo me.

trinityvixen: But before that happens, I need to pee

viridian: LOL

trinityvixen: AHh, better. Hello, are you Brainiac and will you make babies with me?

viridian: ... I am today!

trinityvixen: Again, beautiful Brainiac episode nearly derailed by the rest of the people who insist on being major characters (Lana Lang, I am looking in your direction).

trinityvixen: Hah!

trinityvixen: That's crazy.

trinityvixen: For serious, Brainiac got the hook up.

trinityvixen: Fo' sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-zy.

trinityvixen: Watching James Marsters just be has officially made me retarded. Evidence? I'm speaking in Booty Call-isms and I'm still watching Smallville three years after it jumped the shark.

viridian: LOL

viridian: well, that's what got me to watch Season 5 Angel

trinityvixen: Besides retardism, if I can use that word, what other explanation is there?

viridian: which was actually LESS retarded than seasons 1-4 of Angel

***

trinityvixen: Know what would be feckin' awesome? If they finally had the Batman crossover ep of Smallvielle and Bruce was a total lech with everyone except Lana. Then she could finally get a taste of the real fuckin' world where we all HATE HER GUTS.

trinityvixen: This crossover could only be made more awesomer by having Bruce then only begrudingly save her from yet another disaster she managed to walk herself right into.

trinityvixen: Damn, they should hire me to write this show.

trinityvixen: Fuckin' A, they should. I'd listen to the fans. Every episode would have gay sex in it. Lana would be killed off a la Kenny in every episode, only instead of saying "You Bastards!" the cast would get to gether and sing "We're free! Free until next episode!" Chloe would get mad fucking respect for a change. Ma and Pa Kent would be forced to do more than gape (after nearly twenty years, you'd think they'd have gotten used to RAISING AN ALIEN AS THEIR BABY and LIVING IN FREAKSVILLE, USA).

trinityvixen: And, of course, every episode would end with Lionel Luthor strutting.

trinityvixen: I don't care where.

trinityvixen: I don't care why.

trinityvixen: I don't care how (because John Glover strutting is enough said).

viridian: lol

trinityvixen: Papa Luthor struts and then he picks out anyone he wants (cast, crew, random strangers on a sidewalk in Canada), and fucks their face.

viridian: LOL!!!!!111

trinityvixen: Because HE CAN.

trinityvixen: I suppose now is the time to say "I think I meant ot write 'fucks their face up,'" but it works better the way I ended up writing it. Isn't that proof, more than anything, that I should write Smallville?

viridian: Yes. Yes it is.

trinityvixen: Because even subconsciously, I rule the universe.

trinityvixen: okay, now, for serious, I'm laughing too hard to type.

trinityvixen: The idea of someone being grabbed off the street by Provision 315 "In which John Glover is allowed to grab any one in the vicinity and perform sexual acts on their face" kills me.

trinityvixen: Random Joe: Dooo-dooo-de-dooo, just walking, enjoying life

trinityvixen: screeching car pulls to sudden stop, John Glover jumps out

trinityvixen: Random Joe: Oh fuuuuckkkk

trinityvixen: John Glover: That's the idea!

trinityvixen: Random Joe: AAAAHHH!!!! MY FACE! MY BEAUTIFUL EYEHOLES!

viridian: *DEAD ON FLOOR*

trinityvixen: I am dying, too, if that helps. It's easy to be self-amused, too easy. I need not to spend the entire day on my own any more. I concentrate my GENIUS into deadly blitzes.

trinityvixen: Heh, I almost wrote blintzes. THose would be pretty deadly. "Have these pototoes--they might kill you. WITH GENIUS."

trinityvixen: If you gotta go..

viridian: DEAR LORD WOMAN

***

(There are no words)

trinityvixen: Braniac.

trinityvixen: Chee.

trinityvixen: He's made of Bran!

trinityvixen: James Marsters, the Bran Man. Yum. Tasty, and when I swallow, I'll also be contributing to my own regularity.

viridian: *snort*

viridian: you just

trinityvixen: Could you get better?

viridian: don't even need encouragement

trinityvixen: Nope.

trinityvixen: I just have to know that you're laughing.

trinityvixen: Your "LOL" posts will suffice.

***

::hyperventilating:: NoIdidnotimplythatBrickfacehasapenisNoIdidnot...

trinityvixen: One day, you'll make me do this at Angel and on that day, I will cry because you got me to watch Angel.

viridian: yes!

viridian: you should come over and watch it

viridian: you'd probably roll your eyes at some of the things I like

trinityvixen: I don't doubt it.

trinityvixen: About the only thing I ever liked Angel for was the mocking. Like the vampire dressed like him in the wannabe-vampire bar. Or the time in "The Zeppo" when Xander interrupted he and Buffy emoting?

trinityvixen: That's some goooooood Brickface.

viridian: you'd like Puppet Angel

trinityvixen: I've been told I would. I'd also enjoy Staked Angel. Head-on-a-Pike Angel. Disembowled Angelus with a side of Castrated Little Angel.

trinityvixen: Then again, just writing that meant I acknowledged Brickface has a penis, and that makes me feel dirty. Even raped.

trinityvixen: Can you sue someone when the knowledge of them having a penis raped you?

trinityvixen: 'Cause I will, if I can.

viridian: ............

trinityvixen: Yeah, you're probably right. Our society is still too mired in the patriarchy for that kind of sexual equality. One day, though, it will be legal, and then you're MINE, Boreanaz.

trinityvixen: BUT NOT LIKE THAT

trinityvixen: JESU CHRISTO NOT LIKE THAT!!!!

viridian: *DEAD DEAD DEAD OMG DEAD*

trinityvixen: This is but a sampling of what I could do to Angel. But doing things to Angel as a discussion is making me want to vomit. Actually touching the series would probably kill me.

trinityvixen: Angel is my kryptonite!

trinityvixen: Oh God. I used the word "angel" and "touching" in the same sentence! UNCLEAN!!!! MUST. CHEW. OFF. FINGERS.

***

And here's where it gets, like meta:

trinityvixen: You know, since I am a genius, I realize that it is my duty to post this on LJ. The sheer number of comments I will receive will validaty my geniusosity.

trinityvixen: And, when I spell-check "validaty," it will also stand as proud testament to my spellimagic.

viridian: dude, I cannot keep up with this

viridian: I'm just saving it all to read later and die

trinityvixen: Hah.

trinityvixen: I am posting it to LJ. Because you can digest LJ but not the rapid pace of my IM hilarity.

trinityvixen: Mm, already used "validaty." Could I say "IM hilariousful" instead?

trinityvixen: I don't want to overuse endings. THat's poor writing.

trinityvixen: And I'm trying to get this job, see, with the CW ::COUGHCOUGHWBCOUGHCOUGH::?

trinityvixen: It's okay if edit this for length, right?

viridian: yes

viridian: just cut all of mine out

trinityvixen: No way.

trinityvixen: Your comments are essential.

trinityvixen: Like I said, without you occasionally rising up off the floor from the HUMOR COMA I put you in, to type LOL, I'd never have kept going. I'd have started running, figuring you were going offline to call the men in white coats.

trinityvixen: You'll never take me alive!

***

And that's all she wrote.