HOLY CRAP

[trinityvixen]

SOMEONE HAS TO BE WATCHING SCI-FI CHANNEL RIGHT NOW BESIDES ME!!!!!

MANTICORE IS ON. FROM THE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU GRYPHON.

Please ohpleaseohplease, someone else turn on Sci-Fi Channel and discuss!!!

ETA:
12:11 am--Least convincing Mexican kid playing an Iraqi ever.
12:12 am--moonlightalice: "How come there are never good journalists in movies?"
12:13 am--I have decided that moonlightalice should summarize movies like this always: "It's a Manticore...on a helicopter!
12:14 am--moonlightalice again: "Is the black guy dead yet?"
12:27 am--SCORE! Manticore just referred to as "weapon of mass destruction." DRINK!
12:29 am--moonlightalice: "Black guy's dead!"
wellgull: "Chakotay lives because he still has to have sex with the reporter. Because that's what happens in war."
12:30 am--moonlightalice: "Like mythical beasts, the terrorists hate freedom."
12:40 am--Woo, the kid knows "Spielberg" but not what a camera is and the reporter has a gun.


YES! IT IS TIME FOR GRYPHON!!!! LET US LIVEBLOG THAT TOO!!!
12:59 am--moonlightalice: "How are there two movies with exactly the same plot on Sci-Fi right after the other?"
wellgull: " 'Gryphon' is set in medieval times, not Iraq (like 'Manticore'). So, it's slightly less improbable."
1:08 am--moonlightalice: "Wow, that is not a castle. They took a house and put pointy things on it."
1:11 am--Me: "Wow, I bet the gryphons in WoW look more realistic."
wellgull: "They do...well, as much as a mythical creature can look realistic."
1:12 am--moonlightalice: "It's not a good gryphon. He's being controlled by a fat religious guy with wenches."
1:14 am--wellgull: "It's a house made of stucco?"
moonlightalice: "It's a castle, dude. You can tell because of the pointed roofs."
1:27 am--Me: " 'Valley of the dead'? So this isn't a rip-off of LOTR at all."
moonlightalice: "Those were 'paths of the dead'. This is a valley. It's different."
1:29 am--Me: "If you die in the 'valley of the dead,' is that irony or the opposite of irony?"
moonlightalice: "What's the opposite of irony?"
Me: ....
1:30 am--moonlightalice: "Ghost horsie!" and "Oh my God, I bet this leads to horse porn."
1:31 am--Me: "Why would they want to rape horses in the Great War?" (beat) "Sorry, I was still thinking about horse porn."
moonlightalice: "It makes them men?"
1:32 am--Me: "How do you get to be a wench with small titties?"
moonlightalice: "You get a license! There are professional wenches at Ren-faires."
1:32 am--moonlightalice: "The entire party's been kidnapped by the gryphon, and he goes, 'I think it might be after us, too'!?!"
1:34 am--Me: (about Ron Livingston) "I would still have sex with him."
moonlightalice: "Is there anyone you wouldn't say that about?"
Me: "...the gryphon?"
moonlightalice: "What about the wenches?"
Me: "Them neither."
1:41 am--moonlightalice: "Is that like a euphemism?"
Me: "What, 'I can lead you to draconian pike'?"
moonlightalice: "Yes, and that line about 'now bring me my horse' only brings us back to the horse porn."
1:44 am--moonlightalice: "Does that say 'fear me'?"
Me: "It probably says something in Runic or whatever they speak."
1:45 am--Girl says "Keep him unarmed and close."
Me: "And have him naked and in my tent.
moonlightalice: "And bring my horse."
1:46 am--Guy says "I am not smitten!"
moonlightalice: "Yeah, I've got the horse!"
1:47 am--moonlightalice: "Wow, the message was in Runic!"
1:59 am--Crazed extras: "What's going on?"
moonlightalice: "Gryphon."
2:00 am--moonlightalice: "Wow, you can see her roots."
Me: You think a princess could afford a better stylist."
2:13 am--moonlightalice: "If you have sex, your country dies. And the gryphon? Wins."
Me: "This is like manticores hating freedom, isn't it?
2:16 am--moonlightalice: "Her name is Amelia?"
Me: "Ever wonder what happened to that pilot? SHE WENT BACK IN TIME!!"
2:21 am--Girl says "Am I a prize to be won?
Me: "You're the prize? 'Ooh, congrats on completing your epic quest, here's a punch in the face!'"
2:42 am--Me: "Uh, if that's your wife of, oh, about sixty years, shouldn't you be kissing her goodbye more intimately?"
moonlightalice: "No one wants to see old people making out."
wellgull ::grunts::
moonlightalice: "Besides you."
2:44 am--moonlightalice: "This had better end in hot lezbodian action."
2:45 am--Sorceror announces he wants chick for wife.
moonlightalice: "He's actually gay, he just wants wenches."
2:46 am--moonlightalice: "She's like the Enterprise! She's got her shields up! Look! Photon torpedos! Wait, is she dead?"
Me: "Uh, photon torpedos, hello?"
moonlightalice: "At least they weren't coming from her tits. Light at the end of the tunnel."
2:47 am--Sorceror puts together the two pieces of pike by slotting one into the other.
moonlightalice: "Also, that was totally sex."
2:50 am--Me: "Abortifacent magic! That's the best kind of magic."
moonlightalice: "I can't believe she didn't use birth control."
2:51 am--AND THEN WE ALL MADE HIGHLANDER REFERENCES!!!
2:52 am--EWWWWWWWWW and EWWWWW SOME MORE!!!!
2:53 am--Me: ::sniffles:: "My manticore went the same way!!!" ::sniffles some more::
moonlightalice: "The evil sorceror guy is like 'Next time, I'm getting a manticore. 'Cause in medieval times they didn't have cameras!"

Comments

[lemeritage.livejournal.com]

(joining the fun)
2:05am. (another gryphon shot) That is one heck of a special effects budget there.
2:07am dagger shot followed by sex..... Real subtle.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

YES! Someone else is watching! Keep it up! Keep going!

[lemeritage.livejournal.com]

Had to turn it off when the sorcerer started getting more screen time. I just want to know how this is a brand new movie. Were all the big wigs at the SciFi network in Vancouver with the Dresden Files and BSG the day this got approved? Your comments are hilarious.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Our comments were helped along by liquor and horse porn--the two things guaranteed to make anything funny.

My theory is that Sci-Fi has always made these quality movies (I have tapes of old ones I actually liked as a kid to prove it), it's just that they never seriously (ie "used money") to advertise them before. Now, every time you turn on one of their less crappy shows, you get bombarded. I must have seen previews for Gryphon eighteen times during last week's BSG. They need to invest their allowances from USA into another crappy show that might be around long enough for the awful Canadian actors to learn something and make it not suck.

[wellgull.livejournal.com]

Need to stop making these? No, not at all! They don't get paid if it's good, they get paid if it makes more money than it cost. That's why the curse of reality TV is still with us -- it drives obsessive watching, which gets ad revenue. Sure, it is objectively not as good as other shows, but it has a higher profit margin.

Just wait til they start making these babies in China tho. That'll be a real win for the human race.

[viridian.livejournal.com]

Wow. I WISH I had turned on this shit when another of my friends told me to. That's some comedy gold right there.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I have Gryphon mostly on tape. I missed the TERRIBLY IMPORTANT (read: what little explanation there was for anything was narrated) beginning, but it wasn't necessary to understand that this was probably the worst movie ever. Also, it had Tara in it, and moonlightalice's theory was that it was made so that all the Tara-haters could justify themselves. I agree.

[lemeritage.livejournal.com]

Worst movie ever? Very likely. The line reading by the actors was unbelievably bad. Poor Tara! Did she read the script or did her "people" just tell her that she'd get paid to to play a warrior princess who hooks up with a prince?

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

You know, I always feel really terrible for the people in crap movies who have to have sex scenes, and she had some vague claim to fame (even if I thought her work on Buffy was like about two acting classes better than this) so yuck. But her readings were really the worst, even worse than the mysteriously American prince son of two English people (who spouted off in Ye Olde English anyway...with an American accent).

Really, this is above and beyond terrible for this channel. Mostly because it was so serious about how awesome it was. I can think of fanfic I've enjoyed more--bad Mary Sue fanfic, even.