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trinityvixen6:00 pm--IT BEGINS!!!!
Actually, it begins with the title, with the words DISASTER ZONE having terrible CGI flame animation contained within the letters. I swear, I did better than that in my high school computer animation class, and if not for the teacher having a parent die that year, I would have failed out of that class. That I took almost eight years ago.
6:03 pm--If you use the words "dig hole," that doesn't make you sound like you know shit about drilling. Also, when said between dudes? Just saying.
6:05 pm--Okay, Michael Ironside just showed up. THIS IS TOTALLY WORTH IT NOW.
6:06 pm--It just occurred to me (and that's sad): Uh, where in New York City do we drill for shit?
6:07 pm--Someone cracked wise about another miner's wife giving the team STDs. Misogyny ahoy! DRINK!
6:08 pm--Least believable element to movie just revealed: there is ONE Mexican guy working in the mine.
6:09 pm--Chick's super-fake accent REALLY PISSING ME OFF. NEW YORKERS' ACCENTS ARE BAD ENOUGH, DO NOT FAKE THEM!
6:10 pm--VOLCANOS LAUGH AT YOUR PLUMBING--LAUGH!! ALSO, YOUR ELECTRICITY.
6:12 pm--![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
moonlightalice is going to be disappointed: Black guy was first to die. Somehow, being scalded made his rather plumbing tube-like organs fall out of his stomach.
6:14 pm--Uh, I get that you are supposed to die honorably--but why on earth would you take over for the explosives expert and send him away?
6:15 pm--WE HAVE (BADLY) CGI'D LAVA!!!! REPEAT: LAVA IS GO!!!!
6:16 pm--Blisters and black lung: Worst first day ever.
6:18 pm--Michael Ironside is evil? NOOOO!!!!! He shouldn't be playing against type that way. In all seriousness, even he doesn't deserve this movie.
6:19 pm--First commercial break. So far, no Lee/Kara ads for tonight's Battlestar Galactica, so good.
6:23 pm--"I didn't say it was possible--I just said I saw it." That should have been the tagline for this and every other movie I've watched this weekend.
6:24 pm--When your actor refers to the liquid magma like he's left off the "-tory" from the end of "lava," it becomes even more clear that they're not from around here.
6:25 pm--FUCK. Testy female lead is called "Dr. Foxley." She was married to the heroic driller--that's how she "got to know the tunnels." I think that means their marriage ended with a lesbian affair.
6:28 pm--Belatedly, I realized I should have commented that when a homeless guy is giving you money? Kill yourself.
6:30 pm--Great. The scientist (Michael Ironside) is evil. I thought I had enough of that with The Outer Limits.
6:32 pm--Okay, it's a new Lee/Kara ad. Does that count? Well, it does if it makes me want to vomit. It does, so it counts.
6:36 pm--Establishing aerial of Central Park, and then we're back to Vancouver.
6:37 pm--Bless me, I've died and gone to Canada! HELLO, DORAL!!! Dude, the Cylon is in charge. The Volcano? Doesn't stand a chance.
6:39 pm--"Tell me how to protect my city."
"Raise the terror alert."
This is what the rest of the world thinks we do to protect ourselves. I wish I could say they were wrong.
6:43 pm--"You! Make that drill go! NOW!"
That guy is so management material. I'm not worried. He'll get his for being mean to Michael Ironside. Arnie was mean to Michael Ironside, and now he's a Republican. Just saying.
6:45 pm--LAVA: THE REVENGE. THIS TIME WITH STOCK FOOTAGE!
6:48 pm--Why does boiling water make boats go 'splode?
6:49 pm--McDonald's just made an oblique reference to Robocop with the phrase, "I'd buy that for a dollar." I'm confused. Or maybe they are. They were thinking of the wrong 80s bad guy and got Michael Ironside confused with Kurtwood Smith.
6:53 pm--Uh, ADR guys? She wasn't even moving her lips when you dubbed over her dialogue. And she was looking straight ahead at the camera. That's just...lazy.
6:55 pm--The East Coast USA references went by so fast--"Brooklyn boy," "fire escape," "Springstein concert"--I think I got whiplash. It's not possible to convince me this is New York, not after the Cylon appearance and the "lava" pronunciation incident.
6:58 pm--Why, if the liquid burned off people's faces to the point of death, do people still go tromping around in it? Voluntarily?
6:59 pm--"If you drop the pH of water, it could turn into acid."
The science...my brain...stop...the hurting...
7:00 pm--Why CGI Lady Liberty? There wasn't any stock footage where they raped the volcano eruption stuff from?
7:01 pm--Reason 13439555 why this show wasn't filmed in the states: They described something as being "on the west side, near the river." Um? That's only what, several miles of possibility, seeing as the entire west side is bordered by the river?
7:03 pm--Chaos theory in miniature: if a man waters his lawn in--let's be generous, and guess, outer-outer-outer Queens, it causes volcanos to explode in Manhattan.
7:04 pm--Two things: lava poured out a door instead of just completely incinerating the house, and there was a terrible switch from bad CGI destruction to stock footage that looks nothing like the setting we were just in. I bet the editor was suicidally depressed and just didn't even bother with this shit after a while.
7:07 pm--A guy blowing on a dog's asshole and turning it into a balloon animal doggie. Just how was that pitched that it got made into a Sci-Fi bump? How?
7:09 pm--Fun fact: Doral's angry face is also his impression of a Neanderthal.
7:11 pm--It wasn't explicit until now, but this is all because the mad scientist (Michael Ironside says what?) wants to bring geothermal energy to the country. So, see, this is what you get when you fucking tree-huggers bitch about global warming: volcanoes. In New York
7:12 pm--The words "ground zero" were used. It's official. This movie couldn't get any more Canadian if it had Celine Dion singing "Oh Canada" on ice skates dressed as a mounty in it.
7:15 pm--"They're digging straight down."
"They're messing with the Earth's crust."
Yeah! Dicks! Didn't you learn from Mr. Burns? Slantwise drilling is the way!
7:18 pm--When you're only one day into your union job and already on workman's comp, it means precisely dick to your boss when you then go on strike. Also, way to ruin union benefits for the rest of us.
7:19 pm--"My God, we've got more energy than the Hoover Dam!"
There was a town that did them one better. Little out of the way place by the name of Chernobyl. It's funny that that hasn't come up at all.
7:20 pm--Random thought: If lava carved the tunnel for us, could we possibly get ourselves that Second Avenue Subway or what? Oh, wait, this is taking place on the extremely isolated West Side (despite the eruptions in Queens). Pipe dream.
7:21 pm--Somewhere in there, I think Michael Ironside died. On fire. It's the way he'd have wanted to go, honestly.
7:22 pm--The Dresden Files ads now way worse than Lee/Kara ads. Yeah, I didn't know it was possible either.
7:25 pm--moonlightalice is here! I no longer suffer alone!
7:34 pm--Hey, even I know what the words "chica" and "cojohnes" mean and use them with a more reliably Mexican accent than the lone Mexican guy does. Even if he's really like European (which is kinda what he looks like), by osmosis if nothing else, if he were really in New York, he'd have a better accent.
7:36 pm--moonlightalice and feiran finally understand my pain and suffer through that chick's accent, too.
7:45 pm--Fair thee well, Mexican man. May you learn proper Spanish in heaven. Lava heaven.
7:48 pm--NOO!!! Why does the Mexican dude bite it and the stupid-accented woman get to live? The power of tits in a time of crisis, man. Not to be underestimated.
7:49 pm--How is Michael Ironside still alive? Didn't his suit go on fire? He missed a point-blank shot, thus upsettingmoonlightalice and myself, though me for different reasons.
7:52 pm--I don't know why, if the escape was a terribly stable harness rescue, the man volunteered to die instead. Except, maybe, if he was trying to get away from Harpy wife, in which case, bring on the lava!
7:53 pm--moonlightalice: "I feel like this movie could benefit from Captain Planet."
Me: "In what way? I mean, how?"
moonlightalice: "How wouldn't it?"
7:57 pm--moonlightalice: "There's an ad for the Army on."
Me: "Yeah, in case that mining career no longer looks appealing after seeing Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York.
moonlightalice: "It's like all this stuff about getting college paid for. You can't go to college if you're dead! Or horribly emotionally scarred."
Actually, it begins with the title, with the words DISASTER ZONE having terrible CGI flame animation contained within the letters. I swear, I did better than that in my high school computer animation class, and if not for the teacher having a parent die that year, I would have failed out of that class. That I took almost eight years ago.
6:03 pm--If you use the words "dig hole," that doesn't make you sound like you know shit about drilling. Also, when said between dudes? Just saying.
6:05 pm--Okay, Michael Ironside just showed up. THIS IS TOTALLY WORTH IT NOW.
6:06 pm--It just occurred to me (and that's sad): Uh, where in New York City do we drill for shit?
6:07 pm--Someone cracked wise about another miner's wife giving the team STDs. Misogyny ahoy! DRINK!
6:08 pm--Least believable element to movie just revealed: there is ONE Mexican guy working in the mine.
6:09 pm--Chick's super-fake accent REALLY PISSING ME OFF. NEW YORKERS' ACCENTS ARE BAD ENOUGH, DO NOT FAKE THEM!
6:10 pm--VOLCANOS LAUGH AT YOUR PLUMBING--LAUGH!! ALSO, YOUR ELECTRICITY.
6:12 pm--
moonlightalice is going to be disappointed: Black guy was first to die. Somehow, being scalded made his rather plumbing tube-like organs fall out of his stomach.6:14 pm--Uh, I get that you are supposed to die honorably--but why on earth would you take over for the explosives expert and send him away?
6:15 pm--WE HAVE (BADLY) CGI'D LAVA!!!! REPEAT: LAVA IS GO!!!!
6:16 pm--Blisters and black lung: Worst first day ever.
6:18 pm--Michael Ironside is evil? NOOOO!!!!! He shouldn't be playing against type that way. In all seriousness, even he doesn't deserve this movie.
6:19 pm--First commercial break. So far, no Lee/Kara ads for tonight's Battlestar Galactica, so good.
6:23 pm--"I didn't say it was possible--I just said I saw it." That should have been the tagline for this and every other movie I've watched this weekend.
6:24 pm--When your actor refers to the liquid magma like he's left off the "-tory" from the end of "lava," it becomes even more clear that they're not from around here.
6:25 pm--FUCK. Testy female lead is called "Dr. Foxley." She was married to the heroic driller--that's how she "got to know the tunnels." I think that means their marriage ended with a lesbian affair.
6:28 pm--Belatedly, I realized I should have commented that when a homeless guy is giving you money? Kill yourself.
6:30 pm--Great. The scientist (Michael Ironside) is evil. I thought I had enough of that with The Outer Limits.
6:32 pm--Okay, it's a new Lee/Kara ad. Does that count? Well, it does if it makes me want to vomit. It does, so it counts.
6:36 pm--Establishing aerial of Central Park, and then we're back to Vancouver.
6:37 pm--Bless me, I've died and gone to Canada! HELLO, DORAL!!! Dude, the Cylon is in charge. The Volcano? Doesn't stand a chance.
6:39 pm--"Tell me how to protect my city."
"Raise the terror alert."
This is what the rest of the world thinks we do to protect ourselves. I wish I could say they were wrong.
6:43 pm--"You! Make that drill go! NOW!"
That guy is so management material. I'm not worried. He'll get his for being mean to Michael Ironside. Arnie was mean to Michael Ironside, and now he's a Republican. Just saying.
6:45 pm--LAVA: THE REVENGE. THIS TIME WITH STOCK FOOTAGE!
6:48 pm--Why does boiling water make boats go 'splode?
6:49 pm--McDonald's just made an oblique reference to Robocop with the phrase, "I'd buy that for a dollar." I'm confused. Or maybe they are. They were thinking of the wrong 80s bad guy and got Michael Ironside confused with Kurtwood Smith.
6:53 pm--Uh, ADR guys? She wasn't even moving her lips when you dubbed over her dialogue. And she was looking straight ahead at the camera. That's just...lazy.
6:55 pm--The East Coast USA references went by so fast--"Brooklyn boy," "fire escape," "Springstein concert"--I think I got whiplash. It's not possible to convince me this is New York, not after the Cylon appearance and the "lava" pronunciation incident.
6:58 pm--Why, if the liquid burned off people's faces to the point of death, do people still go tromping around in it? Voluntarily?
6:59 pm--"If you drop the pH of water, it could turn into acid."
The science...my brain...stop...the hurting...
7:00 pm--Why CGI Lady Liberty? There wasn't any stock footage where they raped the volcano eruption stuff from?
7:01 pm--Reason 13439555 why this show wasn't filmed in the states: They described something as being "on the west side, near the river." Um? That's only what, several miles of possibility, seeing as the entire west side is bordered by the river?
7:03 pm--Chaos theory in miniature: if a man waters his lawn in--let's be generous, and guess, outer-outer-outer Queens, it causes volcanos to explode in Manhattan.
7:04 pm--Two things: lava poured out a door instead of just completely incinerating the house, and there was a terrible switch from bad CGI destruction to stock footage that looks nothing like the setting we were just in. I bet the editor was suicidally depressed and just didn't even bother with this shit after a while.
7:07 pm--A guy blowing on a dog's asshole and turning it into a balloon animal doggie. Just how was that pitched that it got made into a Sci-Fi bump? How?
7:09 pm--Fun fact: Doral's angry face is also his impression of a Neanderthal.
7:11 pm--It wasn't explicit until now, but this is all because the mad scientist (Michael Ironside says what?) wants to bring geothermal energy to the country. So, see, this is what you get when you fucking tree-huggers bitch about global warming: volcanoes. In New York
7:12 pm--The words "ground zero" were used. It's official. This movie couldn't get any more Canadian if it had Celine Dion singing "Oh Canada" on ice skates dressed as a mounty in it.
7:15 pm--"They're digging straight down."
"They're messing with the Earth's crust."
Yeah! Dicks! Didn't you learn from Mr. Burns? Slantwise drilling is the way!
7:18 pm--When you're only one day into your union job and already on workman's comp, it means precisely dick to your boss when you then go on strike. Also, way to ruin union benefits for the rest of us.
7:19 pm--"My God, we've got more energy than the Hoover Dam!"
There was a town that did them one better. Little out of the way place by the name of Chernobyl. It's funny that that hasn't come up at all.
7:20 pm--Random thought: If lava carved the tunnel for us, could we possibly get ourselves that Second Avenue Subway or what? Oh, wait, this is taking place on the extremely isolated West Side (despite the eruptions in Queens). Pipe dream.
7:21 pm--Somewhere in there, I think Michael Ironside died. On fire. It's the way he'd have wanted to go, honestly.
7:22 pm--The Dresden Files ads now way worse than Lee/Kara ads. Yeah, I didn't know it was possible either.
7:25 pm--
moonlightalice is here! I no longer suffer alone!7:34 pm--Hey, even I know what the words "chica" and "cojohnes" mean and use them with a more reliably Mexican accent than the lone Mexican guy does. Even if he's really like European (which is kinda what he looks like), by osmosis if nothing else, if he were really in New York, he'd have a better accent.
7:36 pm--
moonlightalice and feiran finally understand my pain and suffer through that chick's accent, too.7:45 pm--Fair thee well, Mexican man. May you learn proper Spanish in heaven. Lava heaven.
7:48 pm--NOO!!! Why does the Mexican dude bite it and the stupid-accented woman get to live? The power of tits in a time of crisis, man. Not to be underestimated.
7:49 pm--How is Michael Ironside still alive? Didn't his suit go on fire? He missed a point-blank shot, thus upsetting
moonlightalice and myself, though me for different reasons.7:52 pm--I don't know why, if the escape was a terribly stable harness rescue, the man volunteered to die instead. Except, maybe, if he was trying to get away from Harpy wife, in which case, bring on the lava!
7:53 pm--
moonlightalice: "I feel like this movie could benefit from Captain Planet."Me: "In what way? I mean, how?"
moonlightalice: "How wouldn't it?"7:57 pm--
moonlightalice: "There's an ad for the Army on."Me: "Yeah, in case that mining career no longer looks appealing after seeing Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York.
moonlightalice: "It's like all this stuff about getting college paid for. You can't go to college if you're dead! Or horribly emotionally scarred."
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no subject
Date: 2007-01-29 10:11 pm (UTC)