A bit of humor out of tragedy

[trinityvixen]

You know what I lost in the great flood of the basement? Lots of crap I had on tape. I'm talking about 90s music videos (Third Eye Blind! Matchbox 20! God I had no taste!), some old Daily Show episodes (back when Craig Kilborn was on, old), episodes of The Simpsons, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The X-Files, Tales from the Crypt, and Farscape. I even had the summer movie blockbuster special and the Oscar specials from the last runs of MST3K (still funny to this day? Crow/Servo introducing "A classy French film--La Confidentiale!" Mike: "Uh, I think that's L.A. Confidential" "No, no, Mike, it's a classy foreign film!")

And then there is the one tape that--well, let's just say that I used to enjoy the cheesy-ass Saturday night specials on the Sci-Fi Channel on a deeper level than I enjoyed more recent outings, like Gryphon or Manticore. I had one tape that I can still recall all the movies I taped on it. The first was probably the best--literally: it was the least bad of all the ones on there--called The Advanced Guard (for some reason, on Amazon, it's been renamed "The Colony;" I say, fuck that).

What can I say? There was a cute guy in it! Granted, that's my excuse for just about all of the movies on this tape that got ruined, but still! Cute boys = I will give it a chance.

Then there was His Bodyguard, which, I SWEAR, is the only schmoopy TV movie I've ever watched more than once (Ohmygod the tagline makes me want to time-travel and kill myself: "She's got two things to protect. Her client. And her heart." WHY AREN'T I DEAD YET!?!) In that case, I think it was the chick who was hot. The deaf guy, not so much. I'm embarrassed by that one, so let's move onto the ones that I shamelessly do not repudiate. Even ones I really, really, really should distance myself from, like Guyver 2: Dark Hero.

I have never seen the first Guyver movie, but I hear it has Mark Hamill in it. I think, actually, I did see part of that one, but I never stuck with it. Guyver 2, though, maaaaaaan. Again, cute guy (alas, he has since taken down his picture from the IMDB that was super-cute, but here's one I found where he looks like Will Riker--double sexy!). Also? Story featured monsters. And people being monsters. And angst up the yin-yang. Lots of angst. Like livejournal angst. Like livejournal crossed with emo song-inspired fanfic angst. Lapped it right up. This was probably my favorite. For those times when The Advanced Guard was too "plotty" or "dramatic" or "well-acted" for me.

And the last was some bizarre movie with Balthazar Getty, the Borg Queen, the chick who plays Daisy Adair from Dead Like Me and that French guy that isn't that French guy from The Matrix Reloaded. Ah-ha, I found it: Habitat. Fuck me, but I couldn't think of the title of that one for the life of me. But I did remember all the people I mentioned above correctly--Balthazar Getty was the unholy spawn of the Borg Queen and that other French guy, and his girlfriend was Daisy Adair. That's what I remember. Oh, and I think the ozone was gone. Or something.

Weeeeellllllllll, now that I've got all these remembered, I need to go about re-acquiring them for old-time's sake, methinks. I wonder if I can get these in the same $1 section of, like, Wal-Mart (only not Wal-Mart 'cause I'd feel too guilty shopping there) that my mom gets her other classic movies from (she bought my brother-in-law a movie reviewed by SomethingAwful, making him only the second person--ivy03 having the distinction of being the first--to have seen one of the movies they've reviewed). I certainly am not paying what Amazon wants for them. I should just throw them on my Netflix queue if I can. Hell, I bet Netflix has the rights to stream these since all they seem able to stream are super new, super lame action movies and D-rate sci-fi sequels (not the original piece of crap, only the sequel knock-offs thereof).

Should be fun! Anyone up for a movie night?

Comments

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

You can have all my old Buffy and X-Files tapes, if you want. Otherwise they're just destined for the trash. Surely you don't need Farscape on VHS since you're getting the DVDs.

And I believe I can actually replace a couple of those MST3K specials. I just have to track down the tapes in storage.

I think you're on your own with those crap movies though.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I don't need old Buffy or X-Files. I dunno that I'd even buy the Files at all (Buffy I will get eventually). I'd love to see the MST3K specials again, though, if you can lay hands on them. I can probably find them on YouTube, so no big there either.

And I know I'm on my lonesome with the crap movies. That's okay.

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

Heh. I didn't mean I wouldn't watch them, but that I couldn't help you replace them. :)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

That's what I thought. I just thought I'd also mention, in case you were worried, that I wouldn't be inflicting them on anyone else.

[viridian.livejournal.com]

...

Since when do you feel guilty shopping at Wal-Mart? Don't pretend you have any sort of morals! 2 am trips to Wal-Mart FTW!!!!

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I know I know, but I saw this documentary, and dude, it was HORRIFYING. Disgustingly so. I'm at least keeping up the pretense of not going there for a while.

[viridian.livejournal.com]

That's what you get for watching documentaries!

Meh, I don't care. I shop there infrequently enough that the times I do go aren't going to make or break anything. I go like once every six months if that.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I guess if it's only the odd trip up there to buy a bra or some cupcakes at 2 am, it's not really hurting anyone, right?

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

The guy in The Guyver 2 wrote X-Men and is Solid Snake in Metal Gear Solid. If you looked on his IMDb you probably noticed.

And I would make 2am trips to Wal-Mart but all the Wal-Marts in my area are no longer 24 hours.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I actually did know that. Because I knew his name from the movie and I knew the name of the guy who wrote the X2. I put two and two together. I find it hilarious that he's a failed actor but not a half-bad writer.

[umeyard.livejournal.com]

hey honey
have you tried ebay to find these things yet?
sometimes you can get killer deals :D

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Not ebay, but I have found them on netflix. THat way, I can watch them, be disgusted at myself for doing so and let them fade into obscurity once more...

[umeyard.livejournal.com]

its a good thing you can't copy things off netflix...because that would be bad...

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Yes.

::cough::

[hslayer.livejournal.com]

You can probably find a good deal of it on BitTorrent. Try www.isohunt.com Now you have all that hard drive space, use it.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I've been looking, actually. Netflix is helping, too, where these movies are so obscure not even the internet wants them...