Suck it, Six Flags

[trinityvixen]

In non-fandom-related news, I went to the local amusement park yesterday. The only way that place is even tolerable is if you spend the extra $20+ and get the fast pass. The fast pass allows you to reserve a place in a line without standing in it. For an ungodly $50, you can get the "gold" fast pass which also cuts down your wait time. It's extortion, though, and I won't pay it. (Nor would anyone with me because holy hell wtf that's so much money.)

Last year, the fast pass allowed you to queue up rides. Your wait time didn't go down, but you didn't have to keep keying in as soon as you finished a ride. You could set up an entire day's worth. The passes also, as a consequence of poor time keeping at rides, did cut down on ride wait time. We were running all over the place to get to rides of time, rides that, without the pass, we'd have been on line for hours for.

Needless to say, Six Flags cut that shit out right quick. Because if you don't have to pay TWICE AS MUCH to get ride time cut down, what's the point of the expensive option. This year, you can only reserve one ride at a time, no wait time reduction, and the reservations didn't seem to have anything to do with the time you would have spent on the line. So, it's more like the Disney system where there are only so many reservation slots at a given time, and as they get used up, you have to go later and later before you get one. We got on the Superman: Ultimate Flight ride quicker than we would have been able to reserve it because the line wasn't that long but the reservations were used up until an hour later.

Okay, fine. The old fast pass did game the system. Fine, cut that out. But with the new system, you can't even see what times are on other rides unless you cancel your current reservation. Say you wanted to see if, maybe, a shorter wait time was available. Too bad. Cancel your hard-to-get ride reservation or else just give up. Very annoying, but, again, this park IS NOT ENJOYABLE with the wait times you get for rides there without this pass. (This is a consequence of their being the only park so close to millions and millions of people.)

This, however stupid, is not the problem. The extortion for the cheating, I understand. You pay a premium for luxury anywhere but especially at an amusement park. The problem is the new policy regarding shit you carry around with you. Basically, if you're toting more that your clothes, you can't ride anything.

Wait, let me make that clearer.

IF YOU TRY TO GET ON A RIDE AND LEAVE SO MUCH AS YOUR SUNGLASSES ON THE SIDE TO PICK UP AFTER YOU ARE DONE, THEY WILL PULL YOU OFF THE RIDE AND WILL NOT LET YOU GET ON.

That means the $14, free-refill souvenir cups that you bought to save money can waste an hour of your life you spent hoping to get on a ride because you can't leave it on the side of the ride. Sunscreen that you need not to fry in the summer sun? OFF THE RIDE, CAN'T YOU READ THE GODDAMNED SIGNS?

They very helpfully have put lockers at each ride so you can store your shit, though! But you have to do it before you get on the ride otherwise GET OFF, NO RIDE FOR YOU. Oh, and the lockers cost $1, you can only keep your things in them for 2 hours ("We'll collect and discard anything left after 120 minutes!"), and you can only open them once after you close your stuff inside. So either you back track to the reusable lockers (we were all over the park and NEVER saw them, so you know those weren't located anywhere like convenient), or you pay $1 every two hours. Or more, 'cause it's FUCKING HOT and you want your goddamned refills. (I have never sucked down half so much Powerade in my life, but it probably saved me.)

hslayer, viridian and I discovered the no-shit-left-behind thing when we, having left earlier to be sure we got fast passes for all, got on a ride to pass the time while the others caught up. When the woman came all in our faces about my bag and our cups being on the side, I thought she was kidding. I tried everything--I even asked her if I couldn't just THROW THE SHIT IN THE GARBAGE--and she still said no and made ALL THREE OF US get off. (Even though the policy is that you can leave stuff with a non-rider if just one got off.) Seriously, I would have put the little drawstring bag in the garbage and picked it out later. (Put the cups inside, and they're fine, I get it on the way out.)

We spent the day tracking back and forth to get our bags out of lockers within two hours, and, because we queued for things based on wait times, not what was local to an area we were in, we literally walked across the whole park ten times at least. At the end of the day, I went to get stuff out of a locker and it wouldn't open. I went to some ride attendants and they told me, no, there should be a locker attendant around. PS: SHE WASN'T. They had me go talk to someone else to call and I got a vague "Oh, somoene from security will be here." Waited two minutes to see that wasn't happening, tried again, and got the locker open SOMEHOW.

But suppose I hadn't? Suppose I'd had to wait on whoever could spare my ass the time? I'm supposed to choke on that time I paid for at this damned park because THEY can't staff it properly? Suppose the person came and looked at my ticket and I was past the 120 min mark? (After waiting on them, I would have been.) Are they going to give me a hard time!? Make me pay more!? GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY BECAUSE THEIR POLICY ISN'T TO SHOW UP.

GRRRRRRAAAAA!!!!

I did have an excellent time. I love some of the rides at that park. But until this bullshit stops, I won't go back there. I won't. I won't be nickel-and-dimed to death for the privilege of using their space. They cut prices this year by all of maybe $2 off the normal ticket. And, for this, I had the constant aggravation of running all over so I wouldn't have to carry anything and spending money to store things in the mean time. I'd prefer the upfront charge and have cubby holes on the sides of the damned rides, thank you.

I want to know what fucking ordinance or law or what-have-you went into this misery. If no one made them declare war on patrons who don't think to wear cargo pants to the park, then I want them to know how hugely assholish they are for this. FUCKHOLES.

Comments

[glvalentine.livejournal.com]

Okay, seriously, just charge the fee up front. That underhanded stuff is not acceptable.

(The park, obviously. Not you. You're fine.)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Seriously. I know that people tend not to notice the small charges versus the more expensive upfront, but I call bullshit on this practice. Essentially, you pay $XX to get into the park and then $1 a ride afterwards. Or more depending on how much stuff you had or how much drink you needed to stay hydrated.

If they're going to do the pay-as-you go ride, DO IT. Don't do both. If I wanted to pay per ride, I'd go to Playland. The underhanded stuff may catch me unawares the FIRST time, but it builds up such resentment that they're not going to get a chance to do it the SECOND time. Factor that into a budget, why don't you, Six Flags!?

[chuckro.livejournal.com]

I'd prefer the upfront charge and have cubby holes on the sides of the damned rides, thank you.

I have a similar complaint about airlines, myself. Don't charge me $5 for food and $10 for my bag, just increase the ticket price and stop being assholes.

Of course, the reason they do this is because, at least for the first year or two, it works. Until people start catching on and gaming the system, at which point they lose money. ...I just had a hilarious idea: Set up a "money-saving travel collective" for small businesses. Business traveler (from a variety of companies) pack "snack packs" equivalent to the airline food in their carry-ons, and sell them to fellow passengers for less than the airline charges. They also sell any "complimentary" checked luggage spaces to other travelers with bags they'd get charged for, again undercutting the airlines. It's a brilliant idea until the airlines accuse you of funding terrorism and pay some senators to gitmo you.

Anyways, I don't really care about most of the other Six Flags issues, because I don't care all that much about the rides at Six Flags. I go for the hanging out, which you can easily do while waiting in line.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the airline thing has been bugging me, too, since I recently flew and had to negotiate a carry on such that I could provide for myself without encountering any extra charges.

One thing that viridian brought up that was a good point was: what if you went into the park with stuff and had no more money? Like, at all? Ditto the airlines. What if you came to the airport with nothing more than your ID, ticket, and a smile and a bag that needed to be checked? Would they refuse to let you fly? Could they do without forcing a lawsuit? Would they send a bill to your house? What happens when you meet circumstance that forbids copping to the nickel-and-dime routine?

(At the theme park, I shrugged and suggested offering the employee a blow job in exchange. Seems fair.)

I happen to love rollercoasters, and the Superman one at this Six Flags is one of the most fun I've ever been on. I rode it three times because I'm pretty sure that as long as their policy is "Be dickish" I'm not going back there.

[wellgull.livejournal.com]

Yeah, they'd say "oh well, you do not accept service in the terms outlined by our carrier/the amusement authorities/the government/etc" and happily keep your money while refusing you service.

If you sued, you might eventually get offered replacement tickets under the same conditions for a later date... maybe.

But so long as our courts are run by a bunch of corporatist right-wing hacks, don't expect a decision to go against anyone but the little guy...

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

And this is why I'm pissed off that corporations, like our government, no longer fear their consumers. (If they ever did.)

[chuckro.livejournal.com]

Important point: Whoever can pay the most money to their lawyers wins in court. This is why corporations win everything but the huge-payout class-actions suits (because the lawyers for those can walk away with half the payout and no one holds them accountable).

As long as the courts are inaccesable to anyone who isn't already rich and powerful, don't expect a decision to go against anyone but the little guy.

[arcane-the-sage.livejournal.com]

...and that's why I don't go to 6 Flags anymore. Seriously, I've not been there in 8 years because things were just starting to get silly (when they charge $4 for the same McDonalds cheese burger I could pick up in the city, not queens, for $1.19 then it's time to walk away). It seems to me that the folks making all the business decisions for 6 Flags are there own worst enemies. I mean come on, they keep finding new ways to alienate the park visitors.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Food and amenities I am used to the theme park holding hostage. There is, however, a limit. When they gut you on the food and make bringing your own provisions prohibitive, something's got to give. In this case, it's me giving up on going to their fuck-hole park.

[wellgull.livejournal.com]

Personally, I'm far more intrigued by the idea of hacking their little ride-line-cutter fobs.

I mean, most likely that thing's got a tiny little flash memory, a wireless connection, and a battery. It likely has some kind of hard-coded identity, and is communicating wirelessly[1] with a central server in the park. The individual key fob apparently memorizes how many people it's supposed to work for; you could probably get away with sending it a signal to reset that number value (and then at least convince staff when they scan you in that there's "some kind of technical problem, I don't know," none of those underpaid teenagers are going to care enough to check).

Failing that, it wouldn't be *that* difficult to get the thing to tell you its ID, and with sufficient signal monitoring (the place must be AWASH in wireless signals to get all those little keyfobs to update) to overwrite the number of people it's supposed to work for at the central server... what did it look like when they first set up the key fob for you at the central station? Were they just using one of those blue flash-pass things like all the check-in stations, or do they have a separate device hard-wired to a computer?

My guess is that the park would be very cheap about making this system secure, because (a) the amount of money they lose from people doing these hacks wouldn't justify the cost of implementing security, and (b) they have to make sure that it works reliably enough not to inconvenience patrons or confuse the teenagers working there, so they're likely trying to keep it as simple as possible, and (c) they probably mostly rely on physical security (those COMPLETELY USELESS metal detectors**) to make deter people from doing anything like this.

The only really hard part would be kicking around the park long enough to do enough eavesdropping... and sneaking the required equipment into the park, of course.

** Incidentally -- I don't know if they did this for you guys -- but for us they had us take all metal objects out of our pockets, put them in a basket, HAND THE BASKET THROUGH THE METAL DETECTOR TO THE GUY ON THE OTHER SIDE, then walk through the metal detector. "Well then why do we have to put the stuff in the basket?" "Oh, if you don't it'll set off the metal detector." Because when a cell phone is IN A POCKET, it sends out MAGIC WAVES that set off metal detectors, but this is COMPLETELY NEUTRALIZED BY PLASTIC BASKETS.
If that's their idea of security, then hacking them to upgrade a one-person Flash Pass to a six-person ought to be a snap. Then you just spring for 2 or 3 one-person Flash Passes, upgrade them, queue up accordingly, and ride all you want with no complications. (Though if you rely on social engineering to convince someone that your 1-person really should be 4-, then you're advised not to repeat at any given ride too many times).

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I walked through and had my bag searched very lightly. I didn't even see metal detectors. I don't know what that is. I was definitely toting metal in the form of coins and a cell phone, but I guess my mostly empty cloth bag looked less threatening than, um, your pocket. Or something.

As for hacking the passes, I want to see that happen. I want to see their system broken. Mostly, I want them to experience the upset I felt being constantly thwarted yesterday. If only.

[wellgull.livejournal.com]

I want them to experience the upset I felt being constantly thwarted yesterday.

Yeah... if only... but there's not really anybody there to experience that. Or rather, the people who would care -- the ones who would be able to even see the results of the broken system -- would only see it in terms of figures on how profitable the flashpass system is being, not in terms of an individual giving them the finger. The brain is too far removed from the cells for the virus to have a really personal revenge...

personally I'm more intrigued by the delight I would experience at paying maybe $35/person to ride all the rides I wanted to, nonstop, although the idea of taking down the park as a whole is also appealing. It's a question of whether you'd want to go nuclear, or just take advantage of it for your own benefit. (Though to be honest, I don't know that I could take more than a couple hours of roller coasters without the break provided by the lines in between... so maybe taking down the whole system would be a tempting option?)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I say that when the system is broken, the only way to fix it is to take it apart. Hackers, start your computers...

[jendaby.livejournal.com]

Truthfully, I have found that amusement parks are only fun when you are there with a limited reserved group (like a company or school outing where your group has the whole park) instead of having to deal with the general public. This is in part because of the lines - including bathroom lines - and in part because so many members of the general public are such annoying assholes (just like, it seems, the people who work at Six Flags!).

Glad you were able to keep hydrated despite the insanity. Perhaps they should call it an annoyance park instead of amusement... ;)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I'm an admitted theme park nazi. I make people work for the fun at a park, but go with me and you will ride every ride, get where you need to be, and make the most of the day. And I'm used to a certain level of pain-for-pleasure in exchange. I will walk around the park and deal with lines, but I am going to get on every stupid ride if it kills me. (It nearly killed some people I was with yesterday.) The fact that Six Flags nearly thwarted ME yesterday just proves that they must routinely thwart less determined park goers and that pisses me off, too.

I have had the good fortune to go to Disney World when it was closed to the general public and gone on rides and I don't know if I could ever just be content with going there at normal times because the difference in experience and contentment is night and day.

Part of the problem is the patrons, sure, but they're also being pushed around a crabby-ass system and I wouldn't take more than one kid at a time to one of these places because it just seems to compound the problem. You're better off taking a kid to a jungle gym than Disney World (or GOD FORBID a less kid friendly place like Six Flags). They can go on rollercoasters when they're old enough to do it themselves. Because all the crabbiness that adults experience kids do, too, and they don't have the patience or coping mechanisms to express this at all productively.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

I'm watching the Watchmen, are you?

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Noooooo! WB got to it before I did!

And I'm taking it as granted that you saw this before TDK, which means I might have to hurt you.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

I saved it to my computer. If you have a gmail, I can mail it to you.

Also, no. They fast-forwarded through the trailers on the reels. I felt slightly ripped off by this.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Dude, I would have raised so much hell. The studios should have at aleast, since they pay good money to get these trailers out there. especially in front of high profile movies like TDK.

(And yeah, can you email it to me? Same SN at gmail.)

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Well, it was at Nolan's request. I guess he wanted us to just go right into it.

Most of the trailers they cut (i.e. Watchmen, Terminator Salvation) are WB films anyway.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Saw the Terminator one. I can't believe that they have that much already. I was sure they'd only just started filming.

And The Watchmen trailer...that's magnificent. It's just so gorgeous. And it manages not to entirely spoil the thing. Whoever cuts Snyder's trailers does a damn fine job. Just...wow.