It's not your job

[trinityvixen]

Let's start with a simple premise: it is not okay, regardless of one's particular skill/knowledge set, to humiliate a non-beligerant stranger in public. If someone is not doing anything that hurts you or incites others to hurt you, you cannot, morally or legally, start harrassing that person so that they should be made to feel ashamed for whatever behavior they are doing that might otherwise bother you.

For example, I hate smokers. I am free to make snide comments about them to my friends, to cough dramatically when they get their cancer smoke in my face (in fact, I often can't control that reflex--I am very sensitive to the smoke), and to generally shoot them death glares. I am not allowed to pull up a soap box and a megaphone and start informing the entire block about how awful this person is for enjoying their addiction in my general vicinity and implying that they are awful people who cannot control themselves and are weak and stupid because they don't know how bad cigarettes are for them. That is generally considered rude.

With that in mind, it is doubly not okay to take someone to task for their non-harmful activity in an environment where they are an established inferior but not a direct professional subordinate. It is okay for a boss to set rules about how an employee dresses. It is not okay for a goddamned flight attendent to deliver a lecture on the evils of soda to a passenger.

To put it bluntly: it's not your job, lady. You are not a doctor. You are not a nutritionist. You aren't even a representative from Pepsi (or Chewlies Gum) with a deceitful agenda. You're just an asshole who felt personally obligated to inform a complete stranger, in front of a captive audience of strangers to both you and your victim, that you do not approve of her beverage of choice.

It's extremely obnoxious that this obvious breach of ettiquette (i.e. "save being an asshole for those who truly deserve it") devolves into a "Well, she was probably a fatty" in the comments on that article. As if one's physical appearance justifies this humiliation. Fuck that noise.

Comments

[shell524.livejournal.com]

Best comment: "I didn't know MeMe Roth got a job as a flight attendant."

But yeah, I don't drink regular soda often, but on the rare occasion that I fly Southwest (which is like, never, these days since I get miles on American, DFW is SO much closer to my parents' house, and Southwest doesn't fly out of here yet) I will sometimes ask for Dr Pepper. If this woman wanted to give ME a diatribe about how much sugar is in my soda, I'd politely tell her to do her job, give me the soda I asked for, and bugger off.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I am glad that you would refuse to be shamed. I cannot say how I would react, only that I know I wouldn't be able to produce, being on the spot, half so much articulate fury. I'd probably either be totally cowed or else explode with expletives. Either way, this sort of manipulative shit makes the victim the one who is the wrong. We have serious problems today where people who are the victims of rudeness avoid speaking up because it is automatically considering "making a scene," which is consequently considered ruder than just being rude...

Vicious cycle.

[shell524.livejournal.com]

Depends on my mood at the time and just how appalled I am, but there are times when I'm not too worried about "making a scene."

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I wish I had your moxy then. I know I talk a good game, but I'm not so brash in public. One of the things I'm very glad for is that I haven't ever had much occasion to make a scene because I know I'd have to fight to make it at all even when I was genuinely wronged. I read all the time about people who are groped on the subway (know a few, too), and it's really gross and awful because the pervs know that most people won't do much but run away. I hate it, but I know that I probably would be one of those.

*eyetwitch*

[saturn-shumba.livejournal.com]

Those comments on that site are PISSING ME OFF TO NO END. It reminded me how much I hate this obesity "crisis" that America seems to be focused on right now. Now I understand that everyone should try to be healthy and all that, but for Chrissake it was a FUCKING CAN OF COKE. ONE. CAN. OF. COKE. Certain people (read: idiots) seem to use this obesity problem as a way to hate on fat people more openly that they ever did before, because they can disguise their hate by pretending to care about people's "health."

You're just an asshole who felt personally obligated to inform a complete stranger, in front of a captive audience of strangers to both you and your victim, that you do not approve of her beverage of choice.

You are AWESOME. And also, I love your liberal rants. ♥

ETA: Now I'm really happy I threw up on their planes! (I get airsick quite easily. I suck.)

Re: *eyetwitch*

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Happy to entertain with my madness, but I'm not even engaging the relative bad-for-you-ness of what it was she ordered from this flight attendant. I don't care if she asked to drink Liquid Plumber, this behavior is unacceptable. No one gets to enforce their personal agenda onto another person by using humiliation. Nobody. For no reason. No exceptions.

[avram]

I'm amazed at how the post-9/11 craziness has reversed the power relationship between airplane customers and flight attendants. Used to be flight attendants were basically like waitresses, constantly getting hassled by customers and constrained from doing much of anything about it, not even able to spit in your food for petty revenge.

Also, the attendant was an idiot for claiming that one gram is a teaspoon. (A teaspoon is actually a bit over four grams.)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I was like, "One teaspoon does not a gram make..."

Generally, I feel bad for flight attendants. They are terribly put-upon. They are the focused targets for the increasing rage that air travelers feel towards the airline industry, and they don't deserve that. It helps that I have a family friend who's worked as a desk agent for decades and I know from her how awful passengers can be.

But this crosses the line, and it's not even the first time this airline has pulled some objectionable shit. There was a woman who was shamed for what she was wearing--to the point that they insisted she had to cover up with blanket or else face not being allowed to board the plane. There was a blind man who was yanked off a plane for questioning an instruction from a crew member and demanding to have confirmation from someone more senior. (They also accused him of "faking" his blindness.) This is getting downright abusive, and it's got to stop.

[ivy03.livejournal.com]

I once had a waitress tell a friend of mine that he shouldn't order a burger because of mad cow. I pointed out to her that the US has not imported beef from Britain since 1989 and there's been, what, one case of CJD in the US? Besides, you work in a Friendly's WTF.

She did not get a tip.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Some of the more cogent comments to that article point out how stupid this sort of thinking goes. What's next? Does she talk the passengers out of flying her airline because the flight attendants suck? Yeesh.

[mithras03.livejournal.com]

It is, in fact, her job to keep her mouth shut and serve people whatever they want. Did she scold the people ordering alcohol too?

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

To be fair to flight attendants, the list of their responsibilities has only risen with time. It's like teachers--it's not enough that they, you know, teach. They have to mentor, coach sports, lead clubs, etc. etc. So I get it. Being a flight attendant is not just serving beverages and helping people find their seats anymore.

So why on God's green Earth would they want to add to their responsibilities by nannying what everybody eats or drinks? And, no, she didn't feel the need to scold everybody and anybody, just this one woman. Making it clear that she a) had some batshit anti-sugar agenda, and b) probably was flexing her venom on somebody who made the grievous error of not conforming to some invisible standard. So, in that respect, the comments focused on the passenger's weight are probably touching on some flaw that caused this humiliating experience. Except that the flaw was the flight attendant's, not the passenger's.

[edgehopper.livejournal.com]

Agreed. I don't know what I'd actually do in such a situation, but I'd hope I could manage a sarcastic, "I've litigated cases involving nutritional details of products with hundreds of millions of dollars in sales. Your nutritional qualifications consist of what you've read in magazines. Please stop giving advice you are entirely unqualified to give.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Seriously. "I know you like Oprah and all that, but until you have $30BN, leave me and my soda the fuck alone."

[avram]

Or "but unless you're giving me a free car".

[edgehopper.livejournal.com]

And hell, I don't even trust Oprah for nutritional advice. Especially since it usually comes from Dr. Phil, who barely qualifies as a decent psychologist.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Oprah is helping Jenny "autism is caused by vaccines! ZOMG!" McCarthy get a show. She's hardly in a position to give advice for living. Period.

[ecmyers.livejournal.com]

That's like the time the guy at the Dunkin' Donuts said I should know better than to buy a donut and Vanilla Coke from him, since I'm a "Doctor in the World Health Organization." I have never worn that Doctor WHO shirt since...

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

But that's kinda funny because he jumped to an erroneous conclusion. It's less funny if they're abusive. Also, wear your Who shirt with pride!

[shell524.livejournal.com]

I think I would have had to laugh at that person. They probably would have been confused by that, but whatever.

[moonlightalice.livejournal.com]

I'd make sure to inform him that my Coke has features other products lack! ALL HAIL THE WOSSNAME!

(Translation: word.)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I buy products like it some times!

[moonlightalice.livejournal.com]

You won't fucking believe this thing!