The Rabbit Hole

I popped into a GameStop over Christmas break to browse, saw a copy of The Darkness XBOX 360 game for $8 and I couldn't pass it up. It's funny: feiran downloaded the demo back when it first came out, we were both unimpressed, but still I was always tempted when I'd see it in the store. When it was $18, I still couldn't bring myself to buy it. But at $8? Hell, I bought The Powerpuff Girls: Relish Revenge for that much!

Was it a great game? No. Decidedly not. Was it a good enough game? Absolutely. Part of the fun, obviously, is getting to be The Darkness. Like getting to be a Jedi (more on that in a minute), it's far too much fun to pass up. feiran actually introduced me to the comic, and I confess I loved it better than the Witchblade stuff I'd been enjoying at the time. It's just more fun in general (and more funny). The Darkness is so powerful, Jackie Estacado is a bastard but good, and did I mention the Darkness is AWESOME? The ability to make anything you wish out of nothing? How can you pass that up?

The game did have that going for it. I got to use my Darklings to rip, shoot, explode, and electrocute bad guys, and my Darkness aura had like snake monsters (okay, maybe they were tentacles) that could shoot out and kill people and also eat their hearts to make me more powerful. Gameplay was a mother, though. I had better control over creatures that scaled walls and such when I played the PC Aliens vs Predator back in, like, 1997. The ending was almost the worst non-ending, non-boss fight I'd ever played. (The winner of that category is still Mysteries of the Sith.) Still, it was fun while it lasted. (I GOT TO BE THE DARKNESS. NO SERIOUSLY YOU GUYS.)

One thing about the story: It wasn't the one of the original comic. ( Would have been fun to have a Jackie that had a sense of humor. )

And now I'm finally onto Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, which I've only had since FOREVER. It appeals to me immensely. For one thing, it's not too terribly hard at the level I'm at, which is good because I suck at video games. For another, I enjoy the throwback to the original idea for Luke by calling the main character Starkiller. (Very nice touch, LucasArts.) There's also the part where I GET TO BE A JEDI. Well, sorta. I mean, I am evil. But before Lucas made up the Sith out of nowhere, back in the good old Dark Forces/Jedi Knight days, evil Jedi were...Dark Jedi, end of story. (They were also bad mother-fuckers. Look at their fucking leader!)

So yeah, I've gone from being a murderous, vengeance-driven force of Hell to being a murderous, Sith-driven force of Darth Vader. Me likey. As I told moonlightalice, there's nothing about this I don't like. I killed Wookies. MERCILESSLY. I threw things into Stormtroopers and Rebels alike. I may or may not have just choked random dudes who were the last survivors in a given area just to watch them struggle and die. I even like the sexed-out lady pilot who drives my ship, although I all but fell out when she opened her mouth and was not voiced by Tricia Helfer. (I mean, look at her. Tell me there's not a strong resemblance!) But hoo-hoo aaaalllright. Sexy lady pilot!

...or is it just me? And by "me" I mean "Richard B. Riddick."

feiran and darkling1 awesomely got me The Chronicles of Riddick: Assault on Dark Athena for my birthday. It, equally awesomely, comes with The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape from Butcher Bay, which was originally for the XBOX (as opposed to the 360). This is all so amazingly awesome because A) well, duh, two games for the price of one!; B) I get achievements for the old game now!; and C) I've wanted to play Escape from Butcher Bay for like, ever. Also, shut up, everything having to do with Richard B. Riddick, escaped convict, murderer is awesome. I even don't mind the movie of The Chronicles of Riddick, for all that it is infinitely inferior to Pitch Black.

Anyway, needless to say, I've been playing the first game (don't want to be spoiled for the new one!) for hours now, and I've discovered two things: 1) Vin Diesel should do more voice work because his voice is amazing; and 2) This game was designed to be played by someone who doesn't suck at video games, i.e. not me.

There was a tutorial sort of level that began before the actual Butcher Bay part, and that took me 40 minutes to get through. I just kept dying a million times and I hadn't even got to the weapons-having part. (Not even a shiv!) I spent at least that much time tonight trying to beat one area. Yeesh, I'm bad at this. It also doesn't have many permanent save spots. It auto-saves only, and it saves in stages between major checkpoints. If you turn off the game, you don't seem to resume from the saved stage but from the checkpoint. I kept going for the better part of hours just to get to a checkpoint. Because I was not doing that one part again. No sir.

Okay, all that aside? I GET TO BE RIDDICK AND I'M ZOMG-ING ALL OVER THE PLACE. I'm half ready to throw the controller through the TV screen through the parts that I keep having to redo and redo and redo. But they almost always make it worth the while. I had to juggle throwing flares and shooting mutants in the dark and died every five minutes only to have to do it all over again. But when I beat it? EYE SHINE. I CAN SEE IN THE DARK. ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG.

Bring on the third Riddick movie already!

Yes, I have seen every. single. one. of these movies. It's called "I was a teenager when The Matrix came out." So, yes, I watched every movie Keanu was in at that point. Exceptions: I didn't get through My Own Private Idaho or Little Buddha. The first because I was kinda confused by the gay hooker aspect. The second because IT WAS UNWATCHABLE. I tried watching with the sound off, and I still couldn't do it. I had a friend who made me look like I wasn't obsessed with it by comparison. And that's saying something given that a guy in my math class in high school saw me at the senior dance at the end of college and introduced me to his girlfriend by mentioning how I had pictures from The Matrix contact-papered to all my binders. So while my friend enabled me, I did watch all these of my own free will.

And I completely agree with their assessment. ( Memories! )

In addition to taking in the cinematic masterpiece that is Dolph Lundgren as The Punisher, I also found time last night to watch the season two premiere of The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

My reaction, as unloaded onto feiran: "SHIRLEY MANSON HAS THE AWESOMEST ACCENT EVER. ALSO, I THINK THEY HIRED HER BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T NEED WARDROBE/MAKEUP; SHE HAS HER OWN."

More spoilery reaction: ( spoilers! )