(no subject)

[trinityvixen]

Stupid Entertainment Weekly putting Pirates of the Caribbean on the cover. I want to read it--I desperately do--but I have to not. I've already seen the one-two sentence summaries on Google News and the like, and I have an idea what the critics think, but I'm trying to remain open-minded. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: reading reviews ahead of seeing the movie biases my brain to think like the reviews. Hence, whatever they don't like, I'll notice and be supremely annoyed by. Anything they thought was funny or clever, I'll be expecting so it won't be. And bastards like Ebert just plain ruin the endings of movies (I hope he gets heart cancer, or cancer where his heart should be, the soulless bastard), so there's that.
ETA: jethrien informs me that Ebert is actually in the hospital with cancer. So, yeah, that ended up sounding a lot more harsh than I meant. Really, I don't wish cancer on anybody. I wish him a really bad hangnail and many, many papercuts.

And now I'm hyper aware of the fact that in about thirty hours, I will be seeing Dead Man's Chest. In about a day and a half, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl won't be the sole text in the fandom, and that's weird to me. The first Pirates movie was so wildly, unpredictably, eclectically wonderful, I am already worried about the sequels' power to maintain that level of romping energy, surprise cleverness, and notable acting.

As it stands now, The Curse of the Black Pearl is the only canon text. That means, for good or for ill, I could never see Dead Man's Chest and forever think of the adventures of Captain Jack Sparrow as ending with him sailing off on his hard fought-for ship, humming "A Pirate's Life for Me." Tomorrow night, I won't be able to do that. For good or for ill. Tomorrow, I will see Dead Man's Chest, and the canon, much as I liked to bark about ignoring the parts of it I don't like, will be forever shaped by the sequels.

This is not always a good thing (The Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions, Batman & Robin, X-Men: the Last Stand?). I just never really thought about it this way before. Most of the time, I'm a slobbering fangirl mess before I get into the theater for a sequel. Not that I haven't been with Pirates, but, as I'm not seeing it opening night or at a screening earlier in the week, I'm forcing myself to delay that much longer and leaving room for more introspection.

What if I didn't see Dead Man's Chest? What if fandom as a whole decided what it would or wouldn't accept as canon, regardless of what the studio put out? Since it's nearly impossible to banish things like Episodes I, II, or III, supposing instead we'd gotten wind of what Lucas was doing and said, "No. George, put down our universe. You are kicked out of the clubhouse. The Force is not with you"?

I suppose you can do something like by just exercising the power of denial (as teneda espoused just yesterday with regards to the Schumaker Batman films), but doesn't it sit in the back of your brain that the fandom really lived and then spectacularly impaled itself on its last, worst texts? I can't even watch The Matrix without griding my teeth. All that seemed new and special and quasi intellectual about it now seems packaged, a trick, a gimmick to sell a franchise that really didn't have the steam to make it past film one. The Mummy had the same thing happen--a delightfully self-mocking B-movie got turned into a yuk-yuk wangst-fest. Star Wars...well, okay, Star Wars has always had terrible acting, the irritating character or three, and an oversimplification of the good/evil divide. But damn it, Lucas ruined my ability to enjoy the first three. It will take years of not watching any movie in the SW universe before I can forget the prequels enough to not try and see how the fuck they resulted in the triology and book series I've enjoyed that come later in the timeline.

In essence, how do you train yourself to forget bad chapters of canon that ruin your enjoyment of the rest of it?

Comments

[jethrien.livejournal.com]

...you know Ebert's in the hospital with cancer right now, don't you?

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

...no, I didn't.

Wow, that seems, uh, really tasteless then, doesn't it? Ouch. I'd heard he was hospitalized, but it didn't seem that serious (I'll be honest: I didn't read the article). Okay, I'm ammending that first bit, then.

[jethrien.livejournal.com]

I kind of figured as much. It's the kind of thing that's kind of funny and apt when the guy's perfectly healthy, but I didn't think you'd say something like that if you knew. :)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Yeah, definitely not. My bad. Well, at least he has the SIskel looking down on him. He'll probably pull through.

[earthrise.livejournal.com]

I saw DMC at midnight last night. I can't wait to hear your rundown tomorrow.

That's all I have to say. No bias-ridden remarks here.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

You are a good friend. This kind of thing is precisely what I appreciate. And I am dying to know what you thought, but I am grateful you held back. Now I just need to ignore the rest of the world...

[teneda.livejournal.com]

Once again, I must cast my vote for Denial.

Hey, they didn't name a river in egypt after it for nothing.

While we're on the topic, YES. Joel Schumacher (sp?) needs to be dragged into the street and shot, causing a slow, painful and VERY public death.

[ivy03.livejournal.com]

You're describing exactly the feeling I had when Phantom Menace came out. Because I was in boarding school and had an AP test that day, I couldn't see it opening day. That whole day for me was a mixture of euphoria, fear and a sort of desperate anxiousness. You have to understand -- the day before PM came out, I knew all of SW canon. All of it. I'd read every single book. I was an expert. And the day it came out, strangers on the street knew more than I did. I was so excited that there would be more but terrified that Lucas would yank the carpet out from under my feet.

And he did. That was pretty much the end of my SW obsession.

Does this surprise you? I'm guessing no.

I've gotten much better since then of just denying bits of canon I don't like. Xander's eye's fine! Wash is alive! Matrix II never happened! X3 is Wolverine's bad LSD trip! Lalalalala! Can't hear yooooooou!

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

You are more talented than I, clearly. I will forever see the resemblance between Luke and Anakin because they managed to make them uncannily similar in their whining, and that's about it. Le siiigh.

I really wish it were that easy. Now that he's got the prequels out of his system, we should hunt Lucas down, methinks. Staple his nuts to the ground and tell him if he walks within a hundred feet of a movie studio, we'll do worse.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

I don't have much to add here but I offer this as a curiosity: Bruce Campbell's cult classic Army of Darkness was released in the US and the UK with different endings. I suppose the US ending was seen by more of the world than the UK ending but to those in Britain I have to assume that the ending we all believe to be the "real" ending is to them the "alternate" ending. So what happens if they were to make a fourth film?

As for The Matrix I didn't loathe the sequels even though they were far inferior. Keanu needed to lose the sunglasses and more time should have been devoted to the script, but the movies as they are still have some good ideas in them, they're just not fully developed; victims, I think, of a studio system that simply can't sit still waiting for the filmmaker (or filmmakers) to deliver another surefire blockbuster (as usual, to a film they never expected to be a hit in the first place). Plus I think the initial audience reaction to Reloaded would have been ENTIRELY different had they kept Agent Smith a secret somehow.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I agree with you on the Matrix sequels. There could have been something good done with that--I am one of few who liked Reloaded better than Revolutions, and I could see the cliffhanger and mysteries of that movie (where the rug is pulled out from under everyone) being wrapped up (or not!) very differently (aka well). But it was to be a "blockbuster" not anything else.

That's why X-Men: the Last Stand blew goat chunks. They had several ideas and threads running through it that, properly developed with better timing and plotting, might have produced something magical. The Phoenix was too complex and not built up well enough in the previous films to really take off in this one, plus studio politics decided Hugh Jackman was more important (and James Marsden was on their shit list for going with Singer to Superman Returns) so they trumped up a love story out of nowhere. The mutancy cure is a dead fascinating study because there are so many mutants at Xavier's alone that would see real improvements to their lives if they took it (Cyclops, Rogue, et al) that there would be room to have serious debates between what is ethically right versus personal choice versus setting an example (they really dropped the ball with Cyclops, here, because he's a teacher and he's supposed to be a counselor and guide and he would benefit from the cure, but he's supposed to show the kids that being a mutant is a good, normal thing..).

This is my problem. Suppose a sequel could do that? Why would anyone want to see them any more?

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Well, also, if you didn't know, Fox studio head Tom Rothman apparently never liked Singer and when Singer bailed Rothman took the opportunity to "prove" essentially that his ideas were "right" and "better than Singer's" by changing the third one away from what Singer intended, at least, that's what I heard, and while it's probably been blown out of proportion I can believe it, studios are dumb.

I wouldn't quite say they trumped up a love story (you mean Jean and Logan, I assume), since the threads were in place in the first and second, just VERY recessive. But it did suck, mostly, in my opinion, because nothing stuck -- (if anyone who hasn't seen it is reading, stop now...)

...is ANYONE actually changed? Did ANYTHING happen in the third one besides some monuments breaking and Jean going bonkers? We don't find Cyclops' body, so he's probably going to show up later, Magneto still has a bit of his powers despite taking a quadruple dose of antidote (and therefore it will undoubtedly wear off of Rogue too), and then on top of all that if you watch past the credits Xavier's not dead either. The mutant cure was an intriguing idea, especially the way you put it, but the movie decided to approach it in almost the same ways the first two did, and it felt like a rehash (mutants and politicians STILL don't mix, what a surprise).

And no, nobody would want to see a mutant movie with no mutants. So instead the movie just PRETENDED they got demutanized.

[moonlightalice.livejournal.com]

In addition to being in the hospital, Ebert is AMAZING what is your problem you crazy woman?! I heart him. He actually makes it a rule not to ever give away an ending, and he's required by his paper to provide a basic summary. But his actual critical reviews are truly fantastic. Some are beautifully written, and his bad reviews are absolutely hysterical. He is so damn witty and clever, it's so dreaamy. Ok, not really, but he's totally awesome.

My two favorite Ebert stories are 1) he blasted the movie "The Brown Bunny" after he saw it at Cannes for being one of the worst movies he's ever seen. The director went off on him and called him a fat cow. When Ebert wrote about it in his Cannes report the next day, he wrote: "I may be fat, but I can lose weight. You, however, will always be the director of 'The Brown Bunny.'"

(From his Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo review) 2) "According to a story by Larry Carroll of MTV News, Rob Schneider took offense when Patrick Goldstein of the Los Angeles Times listed this year's Best Picture Nominees and wrote that they were "ignored, unloved and turned down flat by most of the same studios that ... bankroll hundreds of sequels, including a follow-up to 'Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo,' a film that was sadly overlooked at Oscar time because apparently nobody had the foresight to invent a category for Best Running Penis Joke Delivered by a Third-Rate Comic."

Schneider retaliated by attacking Goldstein in full-page ads in Daily Variety and the Hollywood Reporter. In an open letter to Goldstein, Schneider wrote: "Well, Mr. Goldstein, I decided to do some research to find out what awards you have won. I went online and found that you have won nothing. Absolutely nothing. No journalistic awards of any kind ... Maybe you didn't win a Pulitzer Prize because they haven't invented a category for Best Third-Rate, Unfunny Pompous Reporter Who's Never Been Acknowledged by His Peers."

Reading this, I was about to observe that Schneider can dish it out but he can't take it. Then I found he's not so good at dishing it out, either. I went online and found that Patrick Goldstein has won a National Headliner Award, a Los Angeles Press Club Award, a RockCritics.com award, and the Publicists' Guild award for lifetime achievement.

Schneider was nominated for a 2000 Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actor, but lost to Jar-Jar Binks.

But Schneider is correct, and Patrick Goldstein has not yet won a Pulitzer Prize. Therefore, Goldstein is not qualified to complain that Columbia financed "Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo" while passing on the opportunity to participate in "Million Dollar Baby," "Ray," "The Aviator," "Sideways" and "Finding Neverland." As chance would have it, I have won the Pulitzer Prize, and so I am qualified. Speaking in my official capacity as a Pulitzer Prize winner, Mr. Schneider, your movie sucks."

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Uh...Ebert gave away a major plot point to Superman Returns in his review. That's not the first time, either, though I can't immediately recall others, so I won't vouchsafe for how often it happens. Also? He liked The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift. Like "I enjoyed this movie" liked it, not like "this is so bad, you have to see it to laugh at it." I don't trust his opinions farther than I can throw the man.

I always liked Siskel better, anyway.