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I said it was coming. I was just busy yelling at [livejournal.com profile] arcane_the_sage for saying things that make me wish I were dead about my favorite character ever from Battlestar Galactica getting it on with the WORSTEST MOST AWFUL UGLY PIECE OF TRASH EVER from Buffy (and yeah, that includes all the monsters and the hillbilly vamps in that one episode).

Ahem. Anyway, have a Snakes on a Plane review, now that a sizeable number of you have seen the film.

Okay, I had a keen time of it. Going on the preview night with a couple hundred of my closest neighbors in New York City? Awesome. There was much shouting and constant hissing which, although it made some lines impossible to hear (like the infamous "I'm tired...!" line that was specifically reshot to be in the movie due to fan demand), was still pretty fun. Like a tamer version of what I imagine Rocky Horror live shows to be (because I am still a weeeeee bit wary of actually going to one).

And the movie was actually pretty funny. It struck just about the right tone of serious/totally not. I have no idea how Samuel L. Jackson kept from laughing because he was obviously having a great time and still making it semi-serious. The snakes weren't really ever scary given that the first few deaths from snakebite were so ridiculous and the snakes moving over the plane were so cute, I really couldn't be scared. Snakeys!!! I jumped once--once!--when the stewardess came in and had to give the axe to a scary-looking rattler (I know I know what species that was, damn it, why can't I remember!?).

Plus, [Blanks] on a [Blank] won't stop being funny for a while. Lisa-roommate's boyfriend found a website that had a competition for best [Blanks] on a [Blank] submissions, and I think Racoons on a Spaceship won (personally, Sloths on a Tank should have won hands down). I'll see if I can locate that later.

Fun silliness aside, I could be pretty mightily pissed about the portrayal of the snakes (I did used to own one, and my baby scared a lot of people needlessly, though, for the most part, my friends were so incredibly cool with him and with me freezing his dead fish in our suite freezer). If I were going to start down that road, though, I'd never stop. I have to give the bad guy props--you don't have to get the snakes to bite the right guy if they take down the plane--though the logistics of getting those snakes from the states to Hawai'i for a continental-US-bound flight boggles the mind. Better they had originated with the crazy snake collector in Hawai'i (Hawai'i doesn't naturally have to have snakes if he's a renegade collector anyway). And pardon me, but saying "Ah, they were cold-blooded, so we missed them with heat scanners!" is stupid because cold-blooded animals are not always at ambient temperature (if they were, all the pheremones in the world wouldn't have moved those snakes because without heat energy, they have almost none without having just eaten--so, catch 22: they need food to have energy to move if they're that cold, but to have energy to eat they have to be warm enough to move...).

But, like I said, not going down that road. I'm just going to smile and go "OooH! Snakey!"

Most unrealistic thing was the airplane not being full up and people being served dinner. I don't know what high-falutin airline this is, but even before the recent travel restrictions, you'd be hard-pressed to find a domestic flight (yes, even one going to Hawai'i) that serves you food. On a red-eye. My foot.

An interesting article I read recently talked about the upswing in pet sales after famous movies starring certain types of dog (i.e. Dalmatians being bought up after 101 Dalmatians or sales of whatever that shaved rat type of dog Paris Hilton carries around is when she got 'popular'). Somehow, I doubt that will translate to an upswing of snake purchases. At least, I hope not. I understand some people not understanding what a commitment it is to take care of the Husky they bought after seeing Eight Below or something, but people have this tendency to stick it out with fluffy, slobbery pets more than elegant, scaly ones, which makes me worry that snake pets will just be "let go," which is horribly cruel.

Aww, I kinda want another snakey. This time, I'd get the really pretty green snake that was littler than my Sano-snake. I could feed him minnows! Teh cutez0rs!!!!

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February 2015

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