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Dec. 19th, 2006 03:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityvixenYou are now officially not allowed to do the following things at the service windows of the post office. And by "officially," I mean that I will beat you to death with the shards of my packages if you try to do any of the following during the Christmas season at one the precious few windows that are open:
1) BUY STAMPS. This is the #1 thing you aren't allowed to do and LIVE because THERE ARE FUCKING DISPENSE-O-MATIC MACHINES IN THE LOBBY. TWO OF THEM. USE THEM OR PERISH!
1a) ORDER SPECIFIC STAMPS. I swear to Jeebus in his little manger, if you get on the line and you make me wait for you to buy stamps and you don't buy THE FIRST ONES THE TELLER GIVES YOU, I will jam my iPod up your cakehole and hit "repeat one" and make you say over and over how sorry you are for wasting everyone's goddamned time. YOU GET THE STAMPS YOU GET. You want pretty stamps? Order them online. Come back in January. I don't care if she hands you a sheet of Sodomy's All Stars, you take the fucking stamps and get off the line. In fact, that should be a rule--you don't use the machines, you get "This package brought to you by a pervert" stamps. And they cost more, the extra going to fund the salary of another teller to make up for your taking one up for FUCKING DECORATIVE STAMPS.
2) Get or renew your passport. Because some girl cut in line on me while I was waiting all during my lunch break, and just got handled. I hope to Christ that she'd been there before and was being served after completing her papers because otherwise, she deserved to be disembowled. If you have to have a passport for travel in or around Christmas, for all that is holy, get it done before December or you forfeit your right to live. HAVE FUN GOING TO TURKEY IN A BODY BAG, YOU SHIT-LICKING ASSHAT!
3) Be an old person. Because old people take to fucking long. They sit and whine about how long the line is, as if the rest of us are blind and have Memento disease where we might have forgotten in the five minutes since they last said it. Also, never have their money out, and it takes the old ladies fifty fucking days to find it in their gargantuan purses and the old guys to get the bills out of the pants pocket. Send your ungrateful kids to the store for you, people.
4) Not have an address written on the envelope before you get to the window. That's what the interminable wait on the line was for. Congratulations, you are dead.
5) Buying a money order. Unless you need the government's insurance on your down payment to ransom Santa Claus himself from Oogie Boogie, your money order can wait. Otherwise, kindly fuck off and die.
Yes, I am a tad bitter. I had to wait this long because I got sick at the end of last week when I meant to go, and for the past two days, I've been unable to talk at all. As is, I could barely make myself heard. Merry Fucking Christmas.
1) BUY STAMPS. This is the #1 thing you aren't allowed to do and LIVE because THERE ARE FUCKING DISPENSE-O-MATIC MACHINES IN THE LOBBY. TWO OF THEM. USE THEM OR PERISH!
1a) ORDER SPECIFIC STAMPS. I swear to Jeebus in his little manger, if you get on the line and you make me wait for you to buy stamps and you don't buy THE FIRST ONES THE TELLER GIVES YOU, I will jam my iPod up your cakehole and hit "repeat one" and make you say over and over how sorry you are for wasting everyone's goddamned time. YOU GET THE STAMPS YOU GET. You want pretty stamps? Order them online. Come back in January. I don't care if she hands you a sheet of Sodomy's All Stars, you take the fucking stamps and get off the line. In fact, that should be a rule--you don't use the machines, you get "This package brought to you by a pervert" stamps. And they cost more, the extra going to fund the salary of another teller to make up for your taking one up for FUCKING DECORATIVE STAMPS.
2) Get or renew your passport. Because some girl cut in line on me while I was waiting all during my lunch break, and just got handled. I hope to Christ that she'd been there before and was being served after completing her papers because otherwise, she deserved to be disembowled. If you have to have a passport for travel in or around Christmas, for all that is holy, get it done before December or you forfeit your right to live. HAVE FUN GOING TO TURKEY IN A BODY BAG, YOU SHIT-LICKING ASSHAT!
3) Be an old person. Because old people take to fucking long. They sit and whine about how long the line is, as if the rest of us are blind and have Memento disease where we might have forgotten in the five minutes since they last said it. Also, never have their money out, and it takes the old ladies fifty fucking days to find it in their gargantuan purses and the old guys to get the bills out of the pants pocket. Send your ungrateful kids to the store for you, people.
4) Not have an address written on the envelope before you get to the window. That's what the interminable wait on the line was for. Congratulations, you are dead.
5) Buying a money order. Unless you need the government's insurance on your down payment to ransom Santa Claus himself from Oogie Boogie, your money order can wait. Otherwise, kindly fuck off and die.
Yes, I am a tad bitter. I had to wait this long because I got sick at the end of last week when I meant to go, and for the past two days, I've been unable to talk at all. As is, I could barely make myself heard. Merry Fucking Christmas.
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no subject
Date: 2006-12-19 09:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-19 09:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 12:07 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-19 10:11 pm (UTC)I got sick at the end of last week when I meant to go, and for the past two days, I've been unable to talk at all.
Poor baby!!!!!! Get better.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 01:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-19 10:28 pm (UTC)That might actually get me using the USPS again. :)
...but probably not to send a Christmas card to my grandmother...
no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 01:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 04:44 am (UTC)okay here is my advice. Ask santa for a riding crop. I have one. Everything in life moves faster when you have one people do things for you....
or
USPS.com get the flat rate boxes free from your local PO *(hint get them before the holidays) And print up labels on line. They can pick them up from anywhere....never did it before this year. Postman got it before 8 am...brilliant. I will never go to the post office again.
or
Threaten roomate with riding crop at 8:50am. Get him to go to post office for you on his lunch break. Have him explain to postal worker that his roomate will beat him with hot pink riding crop if THIS box does not get to San Fran before Christmas. It should be there by Thrs. Ironically crop was seen, not used, but i wont point that out to him...
*hugs*
get better soon honey, and remember stupidity should be painful, and somtimes it is, but never for the one being stupid.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 08:11 pm (UTC)RIding crop, you say? Kinky and functional. I like it.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 08:32 pm (UTC)and i felt your pain the whole time i lived in hawaii :D and for my move here mailing everything
no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 09:22 pm (UTC)Weird gift from mom, yeah.
no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 10:23 pm (UTC)if not
blame the post office and have fun going on a tangent ;)
no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 10:30 pm (UTC)have not been reading as much LJ as i would like too though
to busy working
speaking of work, its back i go now for a nother 6 hours
12 hour days 6 days a week gotta love it :D
no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 10:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 02:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 02:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-12-20 08:12 pm (UTC)