Okay, so only darkling1 will have any idea what I'm talking about

[trinityvixen]

Last night's Smallville was so...so Smallville, you know? It's like the show designed by the kid brother of someone who is actually cool. Like the kid who writes the fanfic based on the comics that someone better writes. No, really, I mean, we've always known that, right? Because someone came up with the "let's visit one of the greatest DC heroes in high school!" plot that I'm positive no other fanfic'er has ever done before. Dude! That idea is awesome. I am totally going to write one like it, only mine will be more original, 'cause I'm gonna set it at War College on Caprica, and have it be about soldiers on Battlestar Galactica going through training and stuff, ZOMG it'll be so awesome!!!

Ahem. It's really funny to watch Smallville and take apart the episode as if you were taking apart yet another fanboy/fangirl'd up fanfic. This last night's episode featured the proto-JLA under the guidance of Oliver Queen: the robot kid, the Flash (er, Impulse), and fucking Aquaman (who, if it's possible, and somehow it is, regressed even more towards his caveman ancestry since last we saw him, and who then cracked jokes about his getting naked that immediately caused women everywhere--the two still watching Smallville, so me, and the other girl--to go irreversibly GAY FOR LIFE). And they had this keen plan to take out an evil factory (don't ask--the entire factory was home to Luthor-bred evil!). But first they had to find where it was. I turned to darkling1 and laid money on it being near a river or something, and wouldn't you know? AC with the hook up, dudes: "Dur, that's right by the docks, hurhur ::I swim goods, don't forget::!"

The rest you could probably dissect without reading fanfic if you'd been watching Smallville since it got its start: the reckless barging in by Clark, the gay, gay subtext to every line he says to another man (or any line to Chloe about "his secret"--take a drink!), Oliver getting the girl (ugh, except her being Lois--OMG! DOES AC KNOW????) but not actually getting any of TEH SEX 'cause clearly he is waiting for the Mary Sue of his dreams (also? sex is icky and makes you a slut!!), the Luthors lying to each other and everyone else...

Which brings me to the things that made this terrible fanfic episode one of the best of ever: John Glover, Chloe as "Watchtower," AND NO LANA LANG THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE THING!!!!!!!!! If this show had to be run on three things, you could run it on those three things. Have John Glover be the Magnificent Bastard (TM) to all and sundry (don't you wish he would just stop having a conscience again and crush Lex? Because he is clearly better than Lex and more awesomes); have Chloe show up in one of her perky-booby tops with her fabulous hair and her 733t hacking skillz (she needs a job at the government, like whoa), and have them contemplate the various ways their lives are made better by Lana Lang being gone. They can make a new reason up each week. She fell off cliff when a strong wind knocked her over the edge while trying to take a picture. Clark had sex with her--with his powers intact. She's being parceled into meals for starving kids. She's slowly having chunks of hair and skin ripped off by former Smallville watchers who weren't cool with the LANA IS THE GREETEST! plot of the show.

Dude, I would watch that every week.

And there was stuff with leather this week I didn't even get into. Fanbrats writing for TV = THEY!

Comments

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

All that in two months? No wonder they're just out of high school six years later. Really, though, if it's been such a short time, Lionel wouldn't have the opportunity to make moves on Martha because Jonathon wouldn't be even a month dead. No ways, yo.