Oh, I was warned

[trinityvixen]

But I wasn't able to really know how great the Dolph Lundgren version of The Punisher was until I watched it.

Holy shit, this should be mandatory viewing for everyone on the planet. I laughed, I cried, I flinched! (Okay, so, only that last one at the naked Dolph ass, but still!) I think The Punisher: War Zone, Titus Pullo or no Titus Pullo, is going to be hard-pressed to top this one. It's so bad, it's the best thing I've seen in an age.

Man, I should have watched the sucky-ass Thomas Jane Punisher movie first. Because I swear this is the best thing ever, and nothing is ever going to compare. Not fucking ever. Oh my stars.

Comments

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

My favorite part is the group of samurai that you see training the whole movie only for Dolph to mow them down with an Uzi when he finally arrives in that same room. And when he stabs the dude through the wall. And him saving a bus full of children.

[gryphonrose.livejournal.com]

Ah, but you're wrong.
Go see Dolph's previous masterpiece, Masters of the Universe.
"Get behind me--I'll protect you."
:)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

No, no, those are just the best things that Dolph does. The best thing in the whole movie is when the ninja KICKS OFF THE GUY'S HAND. BEST THING EVER.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't get me wrong: Masters of the Universe is as fun as anything, especially thanks to all the really great homoerotic sub...well, I guess it's just text.

However, this movie was just...it WAS, man. Before the movie even starts, we're supposed to believe the Dolph has killed 125 people. Given that just as many die in this movie, I believe it. The best part is that this is accomplished with the Punisher not even being in half of the movie, a; and not having more than one line of dialogue (voice-over notwithstanding) for the first thirty minutes, b.

I'd go into it more, but I'm saving up the babbling about how wonderfully terrible this is for when I do a Tor post.

[gryphonrose.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm a big fan of his The Punisher, no question. Hm, we might have to arrange a viewing of Masters of the Universe *followed by* The Punisher, just to see which one is better. :)

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Just might have to. But in the new year, maybe. I don't think there's time before Christmas to squeeze it in. Which is an incredibly sad truism there, seeing as it's only THE FIFTH and I'm thinking that.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Well, I haven't seen it for a long time, so I don't remember that. I'm surprised Lionsgate hasn't rolled out a Special Edition DVD yet, as there's a director's cut available in the UK I believe.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

It might still be a rights issue. There was something I was reading about how they couldn't release it in the States when it was in theaters.

Then again, it's equally likely that this is a TASTE issue, though why we can't have this but my family owns fucking Van Helsing, I'll never understand.

And, yes, a ninja kicked a guy's hand off. Maybe with the aid of the ninja boot knife, but I just saw boot-hand-stump. I'll have to rewatch to be sure.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

The fact that there are ninjas at all is almost awesome enough. I remember a lot of exposition from The Fugitive's Dr. Traitor Friend in a room with a bunch of statues, and the stuff I mentioned above. Also I remember The Punisher going into a house that blows up literally like five seconds later as an escape route, and I remember Louis Gossett, Jr. yelling "FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK" at the end when The Punisher vanishes.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

IMPORTANT URGENT ALERT

SEE PUNISHER WAR ZONE IMMEDIATELY

THE PUNISHER PUNCHES SOMEONE'S FUCKING FACE IN

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I just walked in from seeing it. Yes, indeed, he caved that guy's face in. That kid must have some serious calcium deficiency to enable that to happen.

Personally, I quite enjoyed the Punisher fixing his own broken nose with a pencil. Fantastic.