One more thing

[trinityvixen]

No, really, that show was made of fail. I've seen better YouTube videos than those montages, and they sure would've cost a hell of a lot less to throw up there. Likewise, if you're going to remix dissonant songs, find someone who isn't deaf to do your arrangement. And way to shove all the "ethnic" people you possibly could into that part so the white people could walk off with the rest of the awards.

The following people are banned from ever making an appearance on the Oscars again, in order of how much I loathe them: Seth Rogen, Jack Black, Bill Maher, and Ben Stiller. Why can't we just rip Jack Black's tongue out? Does he really contribute all that much? (The fake trailer of his farting family movie in Tropic Thunder is about as close to a real statement about his popularity as I've seen.) If Bill Maher is so fucking self-satisfied, he should get a gig teaching guys how to give themselves blow jobs. Seth Rogen: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FUCKING FAMOUS? (James Franco, please continue to do non-Seth Rogen movies in the future.) Daniel Craig and Twilight-boy are allowed to come back when they stop taking this shit so fucking seriously and learn how to goddamned read. Does no one get any hint of what the fuck they're going to say before they get on stage? Do they really have to be teleprompter dependent? Let them memorize before they get on, then have the script there if they need it. That way, maybe the glittery vamp-twit could get the part about where he was supposed to be telling a joke (thus ruining that totally rad setup joke of Ben Stiller forgetting to tell his joke) and Daniel Craig's dyslexia wouldn't be so embarrassingly obvious.

The following people should just be on all the time: Hugh Jackman, Will Smith, and Tina Fey. Let them host from here on out. Will Smith can handle the singing, Tina Fey can give out the popular awards, and Hugh Jackman can give out the little awards. That way, even if they cut you off after you say "Thanks!" and never show a stitch of the movie you died to make, at least Hugh Jackman will have touched you. You can die happy.

Every other award should go Mickey Rourke from now on. (Dear god, somebody please love him? He needs help.) If Mickey Rourke can't hold any more statuettes, let Meryl Streep carry the rest as she steps over the bodies of her enemies and pierces their eyeholes with her heels. If she so deems it proper, she can give the rest to Robert Downey Jr. and Johnny Depp. They can chuck the awards at the heads of the Academy for a) authorizing this fuckshit nightmare, and b) never giving either of them the respect they deserve. The entire team at Pixar will be welcome to help.

Oscars, how are you made of such resplendent fail?

Comments

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Geez, what did Seth Rogen ever do to you? I don't think he's the kind of person who grabs at the spotlight, so if you just mute the TV whenever he's around and don't go see his movies (and sure, he's in a lot of them) he should be fairly easy to avoid.

I'm not as much a fan of Jack Black, but he and Will Ferrell once did the presentation for Best Original Song, and that was awesome, so sometimes I'll give him a pass (but I haven't liked him in anything lately, except Be Kind Rewind, which I liked because I like Michel Gondry, not because of Jack Black).

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Please note: I don't watch the Oscars, and didn't, so this is based on general opinions and not what actually transpired during the telecast.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's not just Seth Rogen. I hate all of the "Appatow Crowd" of negatively-talented assholes. I just can't fathom why this guy is popular. He's not a great actor, he's not actually funny, and his movies aren't that good. If not for the specific movies he made, that wouldn't justify hating on him, but because he makes Knocked Up et al., yeah, fuck him.

Jack Black belongs at the MTV Movie Awards, not at the Oscars. However, seeing as the Oscars thought they were the MTV Movie Awards this year (with the fake movie intros to a couple of montages), maybe they got confused and let him into the theater.

[ivy03.livejournal.com]

Knocked Up was hilarious.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm being a grumpy asshole, so I have to confess that I didn't see that one. However, none of the trailers looked remotely funny, and I loathed him in The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Pineapple Express, so I think my disinterest in his vanity shit is justified enough for having seen two of the three movies he's put out there.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Again, I didn't see the ceremony, so I can't take credit for vanity, but if you're talking about his weight loss, he's said he hates it and is going to return to fatness the moment he's done making the movie he lost the weight for (Green Hornet).

The Apatow crowd involves many people. Paul Rudd is awesome, so I hope you're not lumping him in too. In the same vein, I'll suggest you not avoid Role Models, because I thought that movie was hilarious. It's tagged as being part of the Apatow factory, since it includes Rudd and McLovin from Superbad, but it's actually by the guys who made "The State", "Stella" and Wet Hot American Summer.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you think my objections are related to his weight loss. I hadn't noticed until someone pointed it out to me, as a matter of fact. My objections to him are not so superficial. I've been exposed to enough of his sense of "humor" in interviews and movies both to find him repugnant. He's not charming, funny or clever, he's just a loser who got famous.

I don't happen to hate Paul Rudd, but I liked him before he ended up being the stalker in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, so I can say that I've liked his work when it's not Apatow-related. If anything though, I'd see Role Models for Seann William Scott. His humor is no less sophomoric than the Apatow crowd, but it doesn't pretend it is. If you're going to be crude and biased in your humor, at least do me the favor of being honest about it.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

I just meant that weight loss could be construed as Seth Rogen's increasing vanity.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I think his inability to think about anything other than how awesome Seth Rogen is is a better indication of his vanity.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Ironic that I said this because Michel Gondry has been signed to direct Seth Rogen and Stephen Chow in Green Hornet. If only they can get Kevin Smith to produce and Vincent Gallo to co-star this might be The Weirdest Movie Hollywood Can Ever Make.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

If'n you say so. For me, the weirdest movie Hollywood could ever make would be some kind of romance movie with Crispin Glover. (Willard doesn't count.)

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Well, he was Drew Barrymore's love interest in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, in which he also BMXed.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I rest my case.