One more thing

[trinityvixen]

No, really, that show was made of fail. I've seen better YouTube videos than those montages, and they sure would've cost a hell of a lot less to throw up there. Likewise, if you're going to remix dissonant songs, find someone who isn't deaf to do your arrangement. And way to shove all the "ethnic" people you possibly could into that part so the white people could walk off with the rest of the awards.

The following people are banned from ever making an appearance on the Oscars again, in order of how much I loathe them: Seth Rogen, Jack Black, Bill Maher, and Ben Stiller. Why can't we just rip Jack Black's tongue out? Does he really contribute all that much? (The fake trailer of his farting family movie in Tropic Thunder is about as close to a real statement about his popularity as I've seen.) If Bill Maher is so fucking self-satisfied, he should get a gig teaching guys how to give themselves blow jobs. Seth Rogen: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SO FUCKING FAMOUS? (James Franco, please continue to do non-Seth Rogen movies in the future.) Daniel Craig and Twilight-boy are allowed to come back when they stop taking this shit so fucking seriously and learn how to goddamned read. Does no one get any hint of what the fuck they're going to say before they get on stage? Do they really have to be teleprompter dependent? Let them memorize before they get on, then have the script there if they need it. That way, maybe the glittery vamp-twit could get the part about where he was supposed to be telling a joke (thus ruining that totally rad setup joke of Ben Stiller forgetting to tell his joke) and Daniel Craig's dyslexia wouldn't be so embarrassingly obvious.

The following people should just be on all the time: Hugh Jackman, Will Smith, and Tina Fey. Let them host from here on out. Will Smith can handle the singing, Tina Fey can give out the popular awards, and Hugh Jackman can give out the little awards. That way, even if they cut you off after you say "Thanks!" and never show a stitch of the movie you died to make, at least Hugh Jackman will have touched you. You can die happy.

Every other award should go Mickey Rourke from now on. (Dear god, somebody please love him? He needs help.) If Mickey Rourke can't hold any more statuettes, let Meryl Streep carry the rest as she steps over the bodies of her enemies and pierces their eyeholes with her heels. If she so deems it proper, she can give the rest to Robert Downey Jr. and Johnny Depp. They can chuck the awards at the heads of the Academy for a) authorizing this fuckshit nightmare, and b) never giving either of them the respect they deserve. The entire team at Pixar will be welcome to help.

Oscars, how are you made of such resplendent fail?

Comments

[kent-allard-jr.livejournal.com]

Every other award should go Mickey Rourke from now on.

What if his movies start sucking again? Maybe his next performance will be in Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man II.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Give him some awards now and let him fade again, that's fine. He'll have to use every bit of his not inconsiderable muscle to keep any of those awards away from Meryl Streep anyway.

But dear lord, somebody love Mickey Rourke? He needs it.

[wellgull.livejournal.com]

Killshot. KILL. SHOT.

He should go back to boxing.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Apparently, he's actively loathed for bad behavior in Hollywood. But he's a sad old man now. Just, give him some recognition and let him go away.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Geez, what did Seth Rogen ever do to you? I don't think he's the kind of person who grabs at the spotlight, so if you just mute the TV whenever he's around and don't go see his movies (and sure, he's in a lot of them) he should be fairly easy to avoid.

I'm not as much a fan of Jack Black, but he and Will Ferrell once did the presentation for Best Original Song, and that was awesome, so sometimes I'll give him a pass (but I haven't liked him in anything lately, except Be Kind Rewind, which I liked because I like Michel Gondry, not because of Jack Black).

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Please note: I don't watch the Oscars, and didn't, so this is based on general opinions and not what actually transpired during the telecast.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's not just Seth Rogen. I hate all of the "Appatow Crowd" of negatively-talented assholes. I just can't fathom why this guy is popular. He's not a great actor, he's not actually funny, and his movies aren't that good. If not for the specific movies he made, that wouldn't justify hating on him, but because he makes Knocked Up et al., yeah, fuck him.

Jack Black belongs at the MTV Movie Awards, not at the Oscars. However, seeing as the Oscars thought they were the MTV Movie Awards this year (with the fake movie intros to a couple of montages), maybe they got confused and let him into the theater.

[ivy03.livejournal.com]

Knocked Up was hilarious.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm being a grumpy asshole, so I have to confess that I didn't see that one. However, none of the trailers looked remotely funny, and I loathed him in The 40-Year-Old Virgin and Pineapple Express, so I think my disinterest in his vanity shit is justified enough for having seen two of the three movies he's put out there.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Again, I didn't see the ceremony, so I can't take credit for vanity, but if you're talking about his weight loss, he's said he hates it and is going to return to fatness the moment he's done making the movie he lost the weight for (Green Hornet).

The Apatow crowd involves many people. Paul Rudd is awesome, so I hope you're not lumping him in too. In the same vein, I'll suggest you not avoid Role Models, because I thought that movie was hilarious. It's tagged as being part of the Apatow factory, since it includes Rudd and McLovin from Superbad, but it's actually by the guys who made "The State", "Stella" and Wet Hot American Summer.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you think my objections are related to his weight loss. I hadn't noticed until someone pointed it out to me, as a matter of fact. My objections to him are not so superficial. I've been exposed to enough of his sense of "humor" in interviews and movies both to find him repugnant. He's not charming, funny or clever, he's just a loser who got famous.

I don't happen to hate Paul Rudd, but I liked him before he ended up being the stalker in The 40-Year-Old Virgin, so I can say that I've liked his work when it's not Apatow-related. If anything though, I'd see Role Models for Seann William Scott. His humor is no less sophomoric than the Apatow crowd, but it doesn't pretend it is. If you're going to be crude and biased in your humor, at least do me the favor of being honest about it.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

I just meant that weight loss could be construed as Seth Rogen's increasing vanity.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I think his inability to think about anything other than how awesome Seth Rogen is is a better indication of his vanity.

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Ironic that I said this because Michel Gondry has been signed to direct Seth Rogen and Stephen Chow in Green Hornet. If only they can get Kevin Smith to produce and Vincent Gallo to co-star this might be The Weirdest Movie Hollywood Can Ever Make.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

If'n you say so. For me, the weirdest movie Hollywood could ever make would be some kind of romance movie with Crispin Glover. (Willard doesn't count.)

[droidguy1119.livejournal.com]

Well, he was Drew Barrymore's love interest in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, in which he also BMXed.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I rest my case.

[viridian.livejournal.com]

Just for you: I'M HUGH JACKMAN!

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

::snerk::

[ivy03.livejournal.com]

I saw very little of the Oscars last night. But I did see Bill Maher. Jesus Christ. Way to make it all about you, your views on religion, and how you think you should've won the Oscar. Shut up!

I also saw the best supporting actor category, and Christopher Walken hilariously having a terrible time reading the teleprompter. Also...Cuba Gooding Jr to present RDJ? Um... The Academy has collectively missed the point of RDJ's role in Tropic Thunder, which was that it is presumptuous and racist for white actors to take on the roles of minority groups in order to win critical acclaim. That was the point. Nominating him for an Oscar and then talking about how risky it was for him to play a black man...misses it.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

Bill Maher completely derailed the documentary awards. But I think Jack Black made the bigger faux pas in giving out the Best Animated Oscar when he said he took all his Kung-Fu Panda money from Dreamworks and put a bet on Pixar to win. That was just...wow. Crickets.

As soon as I saw Cuba Gooding Jr., I knew he'd be presenting to Robert Downey Jr.--not because they're both Jrs. but because they had to make the black guy announce the white guy playing the black guy because they had no idea how to handle RDJ's role otherwise. To his credit, I think RDJ looked distinctly uncomfortable with the whole thing. Possibly, that's just because he knew it was a waste of time since Heath Ledger was going to take it.

But yeah, the point of the white character taking on the black role for the "challenge" and the "prestige"? Swing and a miss, Academy.

[ivy03.livejournal.com]

I believe that RDJ has said in an interview that being nominated for an Oscar was a waste of time. He knew there was no way he was going to win.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

More power to him, then, if he didn't care about the award and still showed up to endure that "hilarity." The presentation was a travesty, but that was the theme of the night. I knew once they threw in Space Chimps things weren't right. They didn't get as far as The Love Guru (it is apparently a "comedy") before I knew this was a shit-circling affair.

[jendaby.livejournal.com]

Perhaps it is morbid of me, but the part of the Oscars I always make a point of seeing is the memorial segment. I have to say that I really hated the crazy camera stuff they were doing during that - they were moving all around and switching angles, and half the time, you couldn't read the name of the person on the big screen. That was uncool.

Every time they did the cutaway to show multiple pictures framed in blue, the moving images in the blue (especially the Kung-Fu Panda one) were terribly distracting and annoying.

I missed everything Bill Maher said because my son had been terribly sick all day and finally woke up and wanted to eat at that point. I think I am glad I missed that.

I thought that was Ben Stiller. (missed the intro there) That was really tasteless.

Other than the segment last night, I've only seen Seth Rogen in Freaks and Geeks and he was fine as an emotionless stoner, but was not funny last night. Agreed.

I did think it was kind of cool to have the little circular stage area and the main acting nominees right around that. Those stairs seemed to be much more maneuverable than the standard design.

[trinityvixen.livejournal.com]

I love the memorial montage. I had completely forgotten about some of the people and missed them all over again. I hadn't even heard about Maila Nurmi (Vampira) dying. I was totally distraught. (From reading about her late-night horror show, I feel cheated that I never lived at a time when I could have watched it.)

You're definitely better off for missing Bill Maher. Too bad you had to see Ben Stiller. That whole bit made me pause because this was the problem that Chris Rock started--openly mocking individual celebrities that he didn't deem worthy of respecting. Joaquin Phoenix went crazy, fine. What if he comes back? I'd love to see him punch Stiller in the face.

Seth Rogen. Ugh. He is an emotionless stoner. In his Daily Show interview, he spent the entire time advocating pot smoking and basically being in love with himself. He's not acting; he just plays Seth Rogen.

I confess I liked the stage set-up. Other than that, feh.