Blade: Trinity, Definitely
Dec. 9th, 2004 12:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityvixenNo spoilers here. This movie was neither so bad (see:The Matrix Revolutions) nor so good (see:The Incredibles) to merit a long spoiler-tastic review. It was enjoyable, certainly, more so on a big screen, so if you think you're going to want to see it all, go see it in theaters. There are worst things to spend $10 on, believe me (such as a CD you only want for one song, just to have an example ::glares at How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, then listens to "Vertigo" again::).
If you liked the first movie for it's villain, Blade: Trinity is not for you. To say Dracula was a tad, well, not so great is to put it mildly. In this incarnation, he's Mr. Sumerian Sinister, a survival-of-the-fittest baddy who waits, when else?, for the final show down with Blade because he deigns all others unworthy of immortality. Basically, he's working with the bad guys, but he's not ready to make them win. Bad guys include Triple H who's ridiculous but enjoyably so, and Parker Posey who is just ridiculous. She sounds like Dubya during the last debate: putting emphasis on the wrong sylLAbles in words, just generally not making any sense, sneering and having the most ridiculous hair.
Which, mercifully, is commented on by the running comic relief (and he does a lot of running), Ryan Reynolds. He is, in a word, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!!!!
Ahem. Yes, excuse me, I think I need a new pair of underwear.
If you liked the second movie for its humor, as voiced through Scud and whoever it was that Ron Perlman played, you will love this one. It's quite possibly the longest time I've laughed out loud in a cinema since...hrm, let me think...wow, it's been a while. Take my word for it, this one's great. And it is all thanks to Ryan "I-want-to-suck-on-his-body-anywhere-he'll-let-me" Reynolds. Instead of building up the Jessica Biel character as another in the new feminist army of indepent I-am-not-a-damsel-in-distress new woman, Ryan Reynolds was the one getting injured and getting his ass kicked, and he was worth every minute of it. Add to his absolutely cracker-jack humor a few cuts and bruises, and, of course, a body that is not to die for but to 'die' for (preferably more than once), and he stole the show. Blade, too, got a little more sassy, but it's almost unnoticeable unless you're a huge fan or something. Ryan Reynolds was just too perfect. Imagine the comic deadpan of a Jason Lee minus the smirking, the body of Brad Pitt a la Fight Club or Troy, and inside-joke style humor a la Randy from Scream, and tah-dah, you have Ryan Reynolds' character, Hannibal King. Dear God, did I mention he was hot? I hope I didn't squick Pooch out too much, but I was laughing the whole time while thinking immediately of necessary fanfiction balm that will need to be applied to this lust. Damn.
For you action fans, you should like most of this, although some of the chase scenes were a little dull. You could make an mp3 three hours long with a remix of the various whacks!, pows!, and bams! they dished out, though. I really appreciate these little touches that make everyone a badass who's supposed to be (the people you see on the posters, mostly). It's a nice counter-point to the schemers and the thinkers; they use their brains to fight by having the brawn fight for them. When they attack, there's almost always a quip to be made, and, thank you Jebus, most of them are made by Ryan Reynolds.
Oh, damn, I was trying to go an entire paragraph without mentioning him. Let me try again...
New weaponry does appear, and they seem to have gotten the flash-burn vampire dusting technology updated as far as CGI is concerned, no qualms there. There's one in particular that just begged for Blade to shout, "GET OVER HERE!" which maybe they're going to save for the fourth film. Some of the weapons are a tad ridiculous, mostly because they are cumbersome or involve a lot of flipping open to make them work or are specialty-tipped arrows. Jessica Biel wasn't as awful as I'd expected she'd be, which isn't saying a whole lot, but I still hate those goddamned arrows. This isn't Middle Earth, Jessica. This is America, and in the words of Tommy Vercetti, we settle things here like men: with guns. New guns, to be sure, but she spent so much time on the arrows (which must be mired in some sort of foam to keep them from falling out while she flips around) she might just as well have braided the sides of her hair, and started walking into walls saying, "Dur, a diversion dur dur dur!"
The music was a good blend of techno/dance with hip-hop/rap, and even I enjoyed the rap parts. I wonder if they did the pairing of artists from both genres like my brother said they did with the first one. Of course, the music intruded quite literally into the action via the blatant advertisement for Apple iPods as Jessica Biel doesn't fight without one. They showed it all, too, which was a bit shameless, from iTunes to playlist to little white box to earbuds. Just how much money did Stephen Jobs sink into this film?
The direct advertising was only slightly less ludicrous than the "Final Solution to the Vampire Problem" proposed by either the good or the bad guys. Oh yeah, if you like logic, biological probability, reasonable extrapolation on known scientific/medical theory, stay away from this movie.
Or, better yet, go for the fun, switch off the 'that is patently un-possible ever, let alone now' part of your brain, and practice anatomy on Ryan Reynolds. I know that helped me! Oooooooh, thank you IMDB!! And I quote, from the trivia for Blade: Trinity: Ryan Reynolds gained 25 pounds of muscle for his role as Hannibal King
::drools off in her corner::
If you liked the first movie for it's villain, Blade: Trinity is not for you. To say Dracula was a tad, well, not so great is to put it mildly. In this incarnation, he's Mr. Sumerian Sinister, a survival-of-the-fittest baddy who waits, when else?, for the final show down with Blade because he deigns all others unworthy of immortality. Basically, he's working with the bad guys, but he's not ready to make them win. Bad guys include Triple H who's ridiculous but enjoyably so, and Parker Posey who is just ridiculous. She sounds like Dubya during the last debate: putting emphasis on the wrong sylLAbles in words, just generally not making any sense, sneering and having the most ridiculous hair.
Which, mercifully, is commented on by the running comic relief (and he does a lot of running), Ryan Reynolds. He is, in a word, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!!!!
Ahem. Yes, excuse me, I think I need a new pair of underwear.
If you liked the second movie for its humor, as voiced through Scud and whoever it was that Ron Perlman played, you will love this one. It's quite possibly the longest time I've laughed out loud in a cinema since...hrm, let me think...wow, it's been a while. Take my word for it, this one's great. And it is all thanks to Ryan "I-want-to-suck-on-his-body-anywhere-he'll-let-me" Reynolds. Instead of building up the Jessica Biel character as another in the new feminist army of indepent I-am-not-a-damsel-in-distress new woman, Ryan Reynolds was the one getting injured and getting his ass kicked, and he was worth every minute of it. Add to his absolutely cracker-jack humor a few cuts and bruises, and, of course, a body that is not to die for but to 'die' for (preferably more than once), and he stole the show. Blade, too, got a little more sassy, but it's almost unnoticeable unless you're a huge fan or something. Ryan Reynolds was just too perfect. Imagine the comic deadpan of a Jason Lee minus the smirking, the body of Brad Pitt a la Fight Club or Troy, and inside-joke style humor a la Randy from Scream, and tah-dah, you have Ryan Reynolds' character, Hannibal King. Dear God, did I mention he was hot? I hope I didn't squick Pooch out too much, but I was laughing the whole time while thinking immediately of necessary fanfiction balm that will need to be applied to this lust. Damn.
For you action fans, you should like most of this, although some of the chase scenes were a little dull. You could make an mp3 three hours long with a remix of the various whacks!, pows!, and bams! they dished out, though. I really appreciate these little touches that make everyone a badass who's supposed to be (the people you see on the posters, mostly). It's a nice counter-point to the schemers and the thinkers; they use their brains to fight by having the brawn fight for them. When they attack, there's almost always a quip to be made, and, thank you Jebus, most of them are made by Ryan Reynolds.
Oh, damn, I was trying to go an entire paragraph without mentioning him. Let me try again...
New weaponry does appear, and they seem to have gotten the flash-burn vampire dusting technology updated as far as CGI is concerned, no qualms there. There's one in particular that just begged for Blade to shout, "GET OVER HERE!" which maybe they're going to save for the fourth film. Some of the weapons are a tad ridiculous, mostly because they are cumbersome or involve a lot of flipping open to make them work or are specialty-tipped arrows. Jessica Biel wasn't as awful as I'd expected she'd be, which isn't saying a whole lot, but I still hate those goddamned arrows. This isn't Middle Earth, Jessica. This is America, and in the words of Tommy Vercetti, we settle things here like men: with guns. New guns, to be sure, but she spent so much time on the arrows (which must be mired in some sort of foam to keep them from falling out while she flips around) she might just as well have braided the sides of her hair, and started walking into walls saying, "Dur, a diversion dur dur dur!"
The music was a good blend of techno/dance with hip-hop/rap, and even I enjoyed the rap parts. I wonder if they did the pairing of artists from both genres like my brother said they did with the first one. Of course, the music intruded quite literally into the action via the blatant advertisement for Apple iPods as Jessica Biel doesn't fight without one. They showed it all, too, which was a bit shameless, from iTunes to playlist to little white box to earbuds. Just how much money did Stephen Jobs sink into this film?
The direct advertising was only slightly less ludicrous than the "Final Solution to the Vampire Problem" proposed by either the good or the bad guys. Oh yeah, if you like logic, biological probability, reasonable extrapolation on known scientific/medical theory, stay away from this movie.
Or, better yet, go for the fun, switch off the 'that is patently un-possible ever, let alone now' part of your brain, and practice anatomy on Ryan Reynolds. I know that helped me! Oooooooh, thank you IMDB!! And I quote, from the trivia for Blade: Trinity: Ryan Reynolds gained 25 pounds of muscle for his role as Hannibal King
::drools off in her corner::
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 06:40 am (UTC)You forgot to mention, best animal-related humor in a loooooong time (and wonder of wonders, it involved Ryan Reynolds).
no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 06:44 am (UTC)Thanks, so much, I needed that. And yes, yes my favorite line did involve him. And it wasn't even DIRTY animal humor. God, I almost wish I were mean enough to give it away...
no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 04:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 04:57 pm (UTC)It's really just go for the fun, I'd say, definitely a Saturday afternoon dealy-o. Just know that Blade is a badass, he mocks everyone, and he rarely speaks if he can growl instead. BE AFRAID OF BLADE, basically, although he's sassy black guy in this one a bit more. Mostly, I think, the action is okay if not great but the humor picks up the slack. Do you like Seann William Scott? The guy who played Stiffler in "American Pie"? Imagine a hotter, less annoying version, and you've got Ryan Reynolds and he carries the picture. And the weapons are kind of neat, too.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-10 01:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 06:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 08:15 pm (UTC)NO ONE GETS IT! I told Carrie my favorite line, and it's just sooooo funny, but I guess, not out of context!
Yeah, the mouth-thing is brought back, and it's interesting that it would be considering all the trouble the overly-extended jaw motif brought the last time...
no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 07:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 08:14 pm (UTC)Go for the eye candy, stay for the Ryan Reynolds. Or, in my case, go for the eye candy, stay for the eye candy.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-10 02:05 pm (UTC)Speaking of ads, my (AMC) theater showed about fifteen minutes of commercials (not the still kind) before the previews began. I don't think I had ever seen more than about six minutes of them before for one showing. I was very pissed off.
Most of the problems I had with this movie were with the fights. Humans should *not* be able to do that much damage to vampires in hand-to-hand combat without weapons, diluted though the vampire bloodstream is. I did not at all enjoy seeing Jessica Biel tear through vampires as easily as Blade...if it had taken more effort, I would have been pleased. Ryan Reynolds's character took *way* too much damage. A large group of soldiers does *not* rush into an area completely unarmed, and there were too many unarmed enemies in general. Furthermore, Jessica Biel's hand-to-hand choreography was mediocre all the way through the movie, with terrible fake hits. I don't think she was trained properly.
Meh. I understand suspending disbelief for a movie, but there was too much to suspend. Despite this, I did like some of the fights.
And I loved the soundtrack.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-10 03:54 pm (UTC)Did like the previews this time around, new Amityville Horror, Batman Begins (the audience was ROARING for that one), and the audience in general like them, too. Well, they shut up the second the first green rating screen came on.
I can't remember paying enough attention to Jessica Biel to care whether she was crap. I was too pissed off about the bow and arrow setup. Multi-loading crossbow bolts tipped with silver and made of wood? Sign me up, it's basically a gun that shoots stakes. An f-ing BOW? Jesus. Yeah, her character reeked of polish and not all of it good, though I'm sure the males in the audience paid more attention to her T&A scene and her in general than I did. I also agree that Ryan Reynolds' King took a LOT of hits. I think they had the hit-to-damage ratio about right until the end with him, though. When Drake stuck him, he stayed down, even properly, I'd wager, which was half-upraised on a gurney. For that kind of wound, you don't run out to shut down the blood farm; you're not even supposed to lie down. Most of the hits at the end came from Parker Posey, and, excuse me for being sexist here, but I'm not guessing she hits too hard, even for a vamp. However, Triple H's choking should have kept him (unfortunately) mute, and when he jerked his head to the side, that should have broken his neck. I also doubt he'd have been able to pull that little manuever on the railing with his shoulder messed up.
I think, though, the humans didn't do too much more damage hand-to-hand than they ought to have. They almost never fought hand-to-hand with the vamps. They dusted them with bullets, and, ugh, arrows, but the second they got up close, they lost. Look at the rescue scene. When they were storming the doctor's office, those were all humans they were smacking around, as were a good deal of the ones in the precinct. What would have been better and less confusing would to have drawn the lines as to which were vamps and which were familiars a lot more closely. In Blade 2, for example, almost none of the security guards were vamps; they didn't dust when they went down. Here, there were some vamps in security outfits, some were just cops. That'a tad shabby.
Soundtrack's okay. I need to listen to more of it when I get home.