Blade: Trinity, Definitely
Dec. 9th, 2004 12:56 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
trinityvixenNo spoilers here. This movie was neither so bad (see:The Matrix Revolutions) nor so good (see:The Incredibles) to merit a long spoiler-tastic review. It was enjoyable, certainly, more so on a big screen, so if you think you're going to want to see it all, go see it in theaters. There are worst things to spend $10 on, believe me (such as a CD you only want for one song, just to have an example ::glares at How to Dismantle an Atomic Bomb, then listens to "Vertigo" again::).
If you liked the first movie for it's villain, Blade: Trinity is not for you. To say Dracula was a tad, well, not so great is to put it mildly. In this incarnation, he's Mr. Sumerian Sinister, a survival-of-the-fittest baddy who waits, when else?, for the final show down with Blade because he deigns all others unworthy of immortality. Basically, he's working with the bad guys, but he's not ready to make them win. Bad guys include Triple H who's ridiculous but enjoyably so, and Parker Posey who is just ridiculous. She sounds like Dubya during the last debate: putting emphasis on the wrong sylLAbles in words, just generally not making any sense, sneering and having the most ridiculous hair.
Which, mercifully, is commented on by the running comic relief (and he does a lot of running), Ryan Reynolds. He is, in a word, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!!!!
Ahem. Yes, excuse me, I think I need a new pair of underwear.
If you liked the second movie for its humor, as voiced through Scud and whoever it was that Ron Perlman played, you will love this one. It's quite possibly the longest time I've laughed out loud in a cinema since...hrm, let me think...wow, it's been a while. Take my word for it, this one's great. And it is all thanks to Ryan "I-want-to-suck-on-his-body-anywhere-he'll-let-me" Reynolds. Instead of building up the Jessica Biel character as another in the new feminist army of indepent I-am-not-a-damsel-in-distress new woman, Ryan Reynolds was the one getting injured and getting his ass kicked, and he was worth every minute of it. Add to his absolutely cracker-jack humor a few cuts and bruises, and, of course, a body that is not to die for but to 'die' for (preferably more than once), and he stole the show. Blade, too, got a little more sassy, but it's almost unnoticeable unless you're a huge fan or something. Ryan Reynolds was just too perfect. Imagine the comic deadpan of a Jason Lee minus the smirking, the body of Brad Pitt a la Fight Club or Troy, and inside-joke style humor a la Randy from Scream, and tah-dah, you have Ryan Reynolds' character, Hannibal King. Dear God, did I mention he was hot? I hope I didn't squick Pooch out too much, but I was laughing the whole time while thinking immediately of necessary fanfiction balm that will need to be applied to this lust. Damn.
For you action fans, you should like most of this, although some of the chase scenes were a little dull. You could make an mp3 three hours long with a remix of the various whacks!, pows!, and bams! they dished out, though. I really appreciate these little touches that make everyone a badass who's supposed to be (the people you see on the posters, mostly). It's a nice counter-point to the schemers and the thinkers; they use their brains to fight by having the brawn fight for them. When they attack, there's almost always a quip to be made, and, thank you Jebus, most of them are made by Ryan Reynolds.
Oh, damn, I was trying to go an entire paragraph without mentioning him. Let me try again...
New weaponry does appear, and they seem to have gotten the flash-burn vampire dusting technology updated as far as CGI is concerned, no qualms there. There's one in particular that just begged for Blade to shout, "GET OVER HERE!" which maybe they're going to save for the fourth film. Some of the weapons are a tad ridiculous, mostly because they are cumbersome or involve a lot of flipping open to make them work or are specialty-tipped arrows. Jessica Biel wasn't as awful as I'd expected she'd be, which isn't saying a whole lot, but I still hate those goddamned arrows. This isn't Middle Earth, Jessica. This is America, and in the words of Tommy Vercetti, we settle things here like men: with guns. New guns, to be sure, but she spent so much time on the arrows (which must be mired in some sort of foam to keep them from falling out while she flips around) she might just as well have braided the sides of her hair, and started walking into walls saying, "Dur, a diversion dur dur dur!"
The music was a good blend of techno/dance with hip-hop/rap, and even I enjoyed the rap parts. I wonder if they did the pairing of artists from both genres like my brother said they did with the first one. Of course, the music intruded quite literally into the action via the blatant advertisement for Apple iPods as Jessica Biel doesn't fight without one. They showed it all, too, which was a bit shameless, from iTunes to playlist to little white box to earbuds. Just how much money did Stephen Jobs sink into this film?
The direct advertising was only slightly less ludicrous than the "Final Solution to the Vampire Problem" proposed by either the good or the bad guys. Oh yeah, if you like logic, biological probability, reasonable extrapolation on known scientific/medical theory, stay away from this movie.
Or, better yet, go for the fun, switch off the 'that is patently un-possible ever, let alone now' part of your brain, and practice anatomy on Ryan Reynolds. I know that helped me! Oooooooh, thank you IMDB!! And I quote, from the trivia for Blade: Trinity: Ryan Reynolds gained 25 pounds of muscle for his role as Hannibal King
::drools off in her corner::
If you liked the first movie for it's villain, Blade: Trinity is not for you. To say Dracula was a tad, well, not so great is to put it mildly. In this incarnation, he's Mr. Sumerian Sinister, a survival-of-the-fittest baddy who waits, when else?, for the final show down with Blade because he deigns all others unworthy of immortality. Basically, he's working with the bad guys, but he's not ready to make them win. Bad guys include Triple H who's ridiculous but enjoyably so, and Parker Posey who is just ridiculous. She sounds like Dubya during the last debate: putting emphasis on the wrong sylLAbles in words, just generally not making any sense, sneering and having the most ridiculous hair.
Which, mercifully, is commented on by the running comic relief (and he does a lot of running), Ryan Reynolds. He is, in a word, DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN!!!!!!!
Ahem. Yes, excuse me, I think I need a new pair of underwear.
If you liked the second movie for its humor, as voiced through Scud and whoever it was that Ron Perlman played, you will love this one. It's quite possibly the longest time I've laughed out loud in a cinema since...hrm, let me think...wow, it's been a while. Take my word for it, this one's great. And it is all thanks to Ryan "I-want-to-suck-on-his-body-anywhere-he'll-let-me" Reynolds. Instead of building up the Jessica Biel character as another in the new feminist army of indepent I-am-not-a-damsel-in-distress new woman, Ryan Reynolds was the one getting injured and getting his ass kicked, and he was worth every minute of it. Add to his absolutely cracker-jack humor a few cuts and bruises, and, of course, a body that is not to die for but to 'die' for (preferably more than once), and he stole the show. Blade, too, got a little more sassy, but it's almost unnoticeable unless you're a huge fan or something. Ryan Reynolds was just too perfect. Imagine the comic deadpan of a Jason Lee minus the smirking, the body of Brad Pitt a la Fight Club or Troy, and inside-joke style humor a la Randy from Scream, and tah-dah, you have Ryan Reynolds' character, Hannibal King. Dear God, did I mention he was hot? I hope I didn't squick Pooch out too much, but I was laughing the whole time while thinking immediately of necessary fanfiction balm that will need to be applied to this lust. Damn.
For you action fans, you should like most of this, although some of the chase scenes were a little dull. You could make an mp3 three hours long with a remix of the various whacks!, pows!, and bams! they dished out, though. I really appreciate these little touches that make everyone a badass who's supposed to be (the people you see on the posters, mostly). It's a nice counter-point to the schemers and the thinkers; they use their brains to fight by having the brawn fight for them. When they attack, there's almost always a quip to be made, and, thank you Jebus, most of them are made by Ryan Reynolds.
Oh, damn, I was trying to go an entire paragraph without mentioning him. Let me try again...
New weaponry does appear, and they seem to have gotten the flash-burn vampire dusting technology updated as far as CGI is concerned, no qualms there. There's one in particular that just begged for Blade to shout, "GET OVER HERE!" which maybe they're going to save for the fourth film. Some of the weapons are a tad ridiculous, mostly because they are cumbersome or involve a lot of flipping open to make them work or are specialty-tipped arrows. Jessica Biel wasn't as awful as I'd expected she'd be, which isn't saying a whole lot, but I still hate those goddamned arrows. This isn't Middle Earth, Jessica. This is America, and in the words of Tommy Vercetti, we settle things here like men: with guns. New guns, to be sure, but she spent so much time on the arrows (which must be mired in some sort of foam to keep them from falling out while she flips around) she might just as well have braided the sides of her hair, and started walking into walls saying, "Dur, a diversion dur dur dur!"
The music was a good blend of techno/dance with hip-hop/rap, and even I enjoyed the rap parts. I wonder if they did the pairing of artists from both genres like my brother said they did with the first one. Of course, the music intruded quite literally into the action via the blatant advertisement for Apple iPods as Jessica Biel doesn't fight without one. They showed it all, too, which was a bit shameless, from iTunes to playlist to little white box to earbuds. Just how much money did Stephen Jobs sink into this film?
The direct advertising was only slightly less ludicrous than the "Final Solution to the Vampire Problem" proposed by either the good or the bad guys. Oh yeah, if you like logic, biological probability, reasonable extrapolation on known scientific/medical theory, stay away from this movie.
Or, better yet, go for the fun, switch off the 'that is patently un-possible ever, let alone now' part of your brain, and practice anatomy on Ryan Reynolds. I know that helped me! Oooooooh, thank you IMDB!! And I quote, from the trivia for Blade: Trinity: Ryan Reynolds gained 25 pounds of muscle for his role as Hannibal King
::drools off in her corner::
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no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 07:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 08:14 pm (UTC)Go for the eye candy, stay for the Ryan Reynolds. Or, in my case, go for the eye candy, stay for the eye candy.